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X77 

SUSAN CLEGG 

AND HER FRIEND MRS. LATHROP 




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SUSAN CLEGG 


AND 

er Friend Mrs. Lathrop 


BY 


rr 

ANNE WARNER 


Author of “A Woman’s Will,” etc. 


BOSTON 

Little, Brown, and Company 


LIP't>-er'/ OOWORPSS 
<V)p Aopiea Recalvwf 

(6 1904 

^rsooyfsrhf Entry 

CUSS ^^.XXt). N<X 

f & Tii , 

COPY B 


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Copyrighty igoji 1904^ 

By The Century Company. 

Copyrighty I904y 

By Little, Brown, and Company. 



THE UNIVERSITY PRESS 


PREFATORY NOTE 


^he first four chapters cf Susan Clegg and 
her Friend Mrs, Lathrop ” appeared in ‘‘ Fhe 
Century Magazine as separate stories during 
the past year, "They have been revised and 
partly rewritten for book publication^ and “ Fhe 
Minister s Vacation f never before printed^ has 
been added. 

Miss Clegg and her friend Mrs, Lathrop ^ as 
well as the other characters in the book, and 
the scenes in which they figure, are wholly 
imaginary. 


Contents 


Page 

The Marrying of Susan Clegg ... i 

II 

Miss Clegg's Adopted 43 

III 

Jathrop Lathrop's Cow 83 

IV 

Susan Clegg’s Cousin Marion . . . 126 

V 

The Minister’s Vacation .... 166 



SUSAN CLEGG 

And her Friend Mrs. Fat hr op 


I 

THE MARRYING OF SUSAN 
CLEGG 

S usan CLEGG and Mrs. Lathrop 
were next-door neighbors and bosom 
friends. Their personalities were extremely 
congenial, and the theoretical relation which 
the younger woman bore to the elder was a 
further bond between them. Owing to the 
death of her mother some twenty years be- 
fore, Susan had fallen into the position of a 
helpless and timid young girl whose only 
key to the problems of life in general had 
been the advice of her older and wiser neigh- 
bor. As a matter of fact Mrs. Lathrop was 
barely twelve years the senior, but she had 
married and as a consequence felt and was 
felt to be immeasurably the more ancient of 
the two. 

Susan had never married, for her father — 
a bedridden paralytic — had occupied her 


2 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


time day and night for years. He was a great 
care and as she did her duty by him with 
a thoroughness which was praiseworthy in 
the extreme she naturally had very little 
leisure for society. Mrs. Lathrop had more, 
because her family consisted of but one son, 
and she was not given to that species of 
housekeeping which sweeps under the beds 
too often. It therefore came about that the 
one and only recreation which the friends 
could enjoy together to any great extent was 
visiting over the fence. Visiting over the 
fence is an occupation in which any woman 
may indulge without fear of unkind criticism. 
If she takes occasion to run in next door, 
she is of course leaving the house which she 
ought to be keeping, but she can lean on 
the fence all day without feeling derelict as 
to a single duty. Then, too, there is some- 
thing about the situation which produces a 
species of agreeable subconsciousness that 
one is at once at home and abroad. It fol- 
lowed that Susan and Mrs. Lathrop each 
wore a path from her kitchen door to the 
trysting-spot, and that all summer long they 
met there early and late. 

Mrs. Lathrop did the listening while she 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 3 


chewed clover. Just beyond her woodpile 
red clover grew luxuriantly, and when she 
started for the place of meeting it was her in- 
variable custom to stop and pull a number of 
blossoms so that she might eat the tender 
petals while devoting her attention to the 
business in hand. 

It must be confessed that the business 
in hand was nearly always Miss Clegg’s 
business, but since Mrs. Lathrop, in her 
position of experienced adviser, was deeply 
interested in Susan’s exposition of her own 
affairs, that trifling circumstance appeared 
of little moment. 

One of the main topics of conversation 
was Mr. Clegg. As Mr. Clegg had not 
quitted his bed for over a score of years, 
it might seem that his novelty as a subject 
of discussion would have been long since 
exhausted. But not so. His daughter was 
the most devoted of daughters, and his name 
was ever rife on her lips. What he required 
done for him and what he required done to 
him were the main ends of her existence, 
and the demands of his comfort, daily or 
annual, resulted in numerous phrases of a 
startling but thoroughly intelligible order. 


4 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


Of such a sort was her usual Saturday 
morning greeting to Mrs. Lathrop, ‘‘ I 'm 
sorry to cut you off so quick, but this 's 
father’s day to be beat up and got into new 
pillow-slips,” or her regular early-June 
remark, ‘‘Well, I thank Heaven ’t father ’s 
had his hair picked over *n ’t he ’s got his 
new tick for ihis year ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop was always interested, al- 
ways sympathetic, and rarely ever startled ; 
yet one July evening when Susan said sud- 
denly, “ I ’ve finished my dress for father’s 
funeral,” she did betray a slight shock. 

“You ought to see it,” the younger 
woman continued, not noticing the other’s 
start, — “it’s jus’ ’s nice. I put it away in 
camphor balls, ’n’ Lord knows I don’t look 
forward to the gettin’ it out to wear, f’r the 
whole carriage load ’ll sneeze their heads off 
whenever I move in that dress.” 

“Did you put newspaper — Mrs. La- 

throp began, mastering her earlier emotions. 

“ In the sleeves ? Yes, I did, ’n’ I 
bought a pair o’ black gloves ’n’ two hand- 
kerchiefs ’n’ slipped ’em into the pockets. 
Everythin’ is all fixed, ’n’ there ’ll be nothin’ 
to do when father dies but to shake it out 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 5 


’n’ lay it on the bed in his room. I say ‘ in 
his room/ 'cause o' course that day he 'll be 
havin' the guest-room. I was thinkin' of it 
all this afternoon when I sat there by him 
hemmin' the braid on the skirt, 'n' I could n't 
but think 't if I sit 'n' wait very much lon- 
ger I sh'll suddenly find myself pretty far 
advanced in years afore I know it. This 
world 's made f'r the young 's well 's the 
old, 'n' you c'n believe me or not jus' 's 
you please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I 've always 
meant to get married 's soon 's father was 
oflF my hands. I was countin' up to-day, 
though, 'n' if he lives to be a hunderd, I 'll 
be nigh onto seventy 'n' no man ain't goin' 
to marry me at seventy. Not 'nless he was 
eighty, 'n' Lord knows I ain't intendin' to 
bury father jus' to begin on some one else, 
'n' that 's all it 'd be." 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 

‘‘ I set there thinkin' f'r a good hour, 'n' 
when I was puttin' away the dress, I kep' 
on thinkin', 'n' the end was 't now that 
dress 's done I ain't got nothin' in especial 
to sew on 'n' so I may jus' 's well begin on 
my weddin' things. There 's no time like 
the present, 'n' 'f I married this summer he "d 


6 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 

have to pay f’r half of next winter’s coal. 
’N’ so my mind’s made up, ’n’ you c’n talk 
yourself blind, ’f you feel so inclined, Mrs. 
Lathrop, but you can’t change hide or hair 
o’ my way o’ thinkin’. I ’ve made up my 
mind to get married, ’n’ I ’m goin’ to set 
right about it. Where there ’s a will there ’s 
a way, ’n’ I ain’t goin’ to leave a stone 
unturned. I went down town with the 
kerosene-can jus’ afore tea, ’n’ I bought me 
a new false front, ’n’ I met Mrs. Brown’s 
son, ’n’ I told him ’t I wanted him to 
come up to-morrow ’n’ take a look at 
father.” 

‘‘ Was you thinkin’ o’ marryin’ Mrs- 
Br — ” Mrs. Lathrop gasped, taking her 
clover from her lips. 

Marryin’ Mrs. Brown’s son ! Well, ’f 
your mind don’t run queer ways ! What- 
ever sh’d put such an idea into your head ? 
I hope you ’ll excuse my sayin’ so, Mrs. 
Lathrop, but I don’t believe anybody but 
you would ever ’a’ asked such a question, 
when' you know ’s well ’s everybody else 
does ’t he ’s runnin’ his legs off after Amelia 
Fitch. Any man who wants a little chit o’ 
eighteen wouldn’t suit my taste much, ’n’ 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 7 


anyhow I never thought of him ; I only 
asked him to come in in a friendly way 'n’ 
tell me how long he thinks T father may live. 
I don’t see my way to makin’ any sort o’ 
plans with father so dreffle indefinite, ’n’ a 
man who was fool enough to marry me, tied 
up like I am now, would n’t have s’fficient 
brains to be worth lookin’ over. Mrs. 
Brown’s son ’s learnin’ docterin’, ’n’ he ’s 
been at it long enough so ’s to be able to 
see through anythin’ ’s simple ’s father, I 
sh’d think. ’T any rate, ’f he don’t know 
nothin’ yet. Heaven help Amelia Fitch ’n’ 
me, f’r he ’ll take us both in.” 

“Who was you thinkin’ o’ — ” Mrs. 
Lathrop asked, resuming her former occu- 
pation. 

“ The minister,” replied Miss Clegg. “ I 
did n’t stop to consider very much, but it 
struck me ’s polite to begin with him. I c’d 
marry him without waitin’ for father, too, 
’cause a minister could n’t in reason find fault 
over another man’s bein’ always to home. 
O’ course he would n’t be still like father is, 
but I ain’t never been one to look gift-horses 
in the mouth, ’n’ I d’n’ know ’s I ’d ought to 
expect another man jus" like father in one 


8 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


life. Mother often said father’s advantages 
was great, for you always knew where he was, 
’n’ ’f you drew down the shade you c’d tell 
him it was rainin’ ’n’ he could n’t never 
contradick.” 

Mrs. Lathrop nodded acquiescently but 
made no comment. 

Miss Clegg withdrew somewhat from her 
confidentially inclined attitude. 

“ I won’t be out in the mornin’,” she said. 
‘‘ I sh’ll want to dust father ’n’ turn him out 
o’ the window afore Mrs. Brown’s son comes. 
After he ’s gone I ’ll wave my dish-towel, ’n’ 
then you come out ’n’ I ’ll tell you what he 
says.” 

They separated for the night, and Susan 
went to sleep with her own version of love’s 
young dream. 

Mrs. Brown’s son arrived quite promptly 
the next morning. He drove up in Mr. 
Brown’s buggy, and Amelia Fitch held the 
horse while he went inside to inspect Mr. 
Clegg. The visit did not consume more 
than ten minutes, and then he hurried out 
to the gate and was off. 

The buggy was hardly out of sight up the 
road when Miss Clegg emerged from her 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 9 


kitchen door, her face bearing an imprint 
of deep and thorough disgust. 

Well, Mrs. Lathrop, 1 don’t think much 
o’ that young man,” she announced in a tone 
of unmitigated disapproval ; “ ’peared to me 
like he was in a hurry to get done with father 
’s quick ’s he could just so ’s to be back 
beside Amelia Fitch. I ’d venture a guess 
that ’f you was to ask him this minute he ’s 
forgot every word I said to him already. I 
asked him to set some sort of a figger on 
father, ’n’ he would n’t so much ’s set down 
himself. Stood on one leg ’n’ backed towards 
the door every other word, ’n’ me, father’s 
only child, standin’ there at his mercy. Said 
’t last ’s he might die to-morrow ’n’ might 
live twenty years. I tell you my patience 
pretty near went at that. I don’t call such a 
answer no answer a tall. I ’ve often thought 
both them things myself, ’n’ me no doctor. 
Particularly about the twenty years. F ather ’s 
lived seventy-five years — I must say ’t to my 
order o’ thinkin’ he ’s pretty well set a-goin’, 
’n’ that the life he leads ain’t drainin’ his 
vitality near ’s much ’s it ’s drainin’ mine.” 

Miss Clegg stopped and shook her head 
impatiently. 


10 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


“ I d’n’ know when I Ve felt as put out *s 
this. ’N* me with so much faith in doctors 
too. It’s a pretty sad thing, Mrs. Lathrop, 
when all the comfort you c’n get out of a 
man is the thinkin’ ’t perhaps God in his 
mercy has made him a fool. I had a good 
mind to tell that very thing to Mrs. Brown’s 
son, but I thought maybe he ’d learn better 
later. Anyway I ’m goin’ right ahead with 
my marriage. It’ll have to be the minister 
now, ’n’ I can’t see what I ’ve ever done ’t I 
sh’d have two men around the house ’t once 
like they’ll be, but that’s all in the hands o’ 
Fate, ’n’ so I jus’ took the first step ’n’ 
told Billy when he brought the milk to tell 
his father ’t if he ’d come up here to-night 
I ’d give him a quarter for the Mission fund. 
I know the quarter ’ll bring him, ’n’ I can’t 
help kind o’ hopin’ ’t to-morrow ’ll find the 
whole thing settled ’n’ off my mind.” 

The next morning Mrs. Lathrop laid in 
an unusually large supply of fodder and was 
very early at the fence. Her son — a placid 
little innocent of nine-and-twenty years — 
was still in bed and asleep. Susan was up 
and washing her breakfast dishes, but the 
instant that she spied her friend she abruptly 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 11 


abandoned her task and hastened to the 
rendezvous. 

‘‘Are you goin' t’ — ’’ Mrs. Lathrop called 
eagerly. 

“No, I ain't,” was the incisive reply. 

Then they both adjusted their elbows com- 
fortably on the top rail of the fence, and Miss 
Clegg began, her voice a trifle higher pitched 
than usual. 

“Mrs. Lathrop, it's a awful thing for a 
Christian woman to feel forced to say, 'n' 
Lord knows I would n't say it to no one but 
you, but it's true 'n' beyond a question so, 
'n' therefore I may 's well be frank 'n' open 
'n' remark 't our minister ain't no good 
a talL — 'N' I d'n' know but I'll tell any 
one 's asks me the same thing, f 'r it cer- 
tainly ain't nothin' f'r me to weep over, 'n' 
the blood be on his head from now on.” 

Miss Clegg paused briefly, and her eyes 
became particularly wide open. Mrs. La- 
throp was all attention. 

“ Mrs. Lathrop, you ain't lived next to 
me 'n' known me in 'n' out 'n' hind 'n' front 
all these years not to know 't I 'm pretty 
sharp. I ain't been cheated mor' 'n twice 'n 
my life, 'n' one o' them times was n't my 


12 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


fault, for it was printed on the band T 
it would wash. Such bein' the case, 'n' 
talcin' the minister into consideration, I do 
consider 't r/o man would 'a' supposed 't he 
could get the better o' me. It's a sad thing 
to have to own to, 'n' if I was anybody else 
in kingdom come I 'd never own to it till I 
got there ; but my way is to live open 'n' 
aboveboard, 'n' so to my shame be 't told 
't the minister — with all 't he's got eight 
children 'n' I ain't even married — is cer- 
tainly as sharp as me. Last night when I 
see him cornin' up the walk I never 'd 'a' 
believed 's he c'd get away again so easy, but 
it just goes to show what a world o' deceit 
this is, 'n' seein' 's I have father to clean 
from his windows aroun' to-day, I 'll ask you 
to excuse me 'f I don't draw the subjeck out 
none, but jus' remark flat 'n' plain 't there 
ain't no chance o' my ever marryin' the min- 
ister. You may consider that a pretty strong 
statement, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I don't say 
myself but 't with any other man there might 
be a hereafter, but it was me 'n' not anybody 
else as see his face last night, 'n' seein' his 
face *n' bein' a woman o' more brains 'n falls 
to the lot of yourself *n' the majority, I may 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 13 


just as well say once for all that, 's far 's the 
minister 's concerned, I shdl never be married 
to him"' 

‘‘ What did he — began Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ All "t was necessary 'n' more too. He 
did n’t give me hardly time to state ’t I 
was single afore he come out strong ’t we ’d 
both better stay so. I spoke right out to 
his face then, ’n’ told him ’t my shingles was 
new last year ’n’ it was a open question 
whether his ’d ever be, but he piped up f ’r 
all the world like some o’ the talkin’ was his 
to do, ’n’ said ’t he had a cistern ’n’ I ’d only 
got a sunk hogshead under the spout. I 
did n’t see no way to denyin’ that^ but I went 
right on ’n’ asked him ’f he could in his con- 
science deny ’t them eight children stood in 
vital need of a good mother, ’n’ he spoke 
up ’s quick ’s scat ’n’ said ’t no child stood 
in absolute vital need of a mother after it 
was born. ’N’ then he branched out ’n’ give 
me to understand ’t he had a wife till them 
eight children all got themselves launched 
’n’ ’t it was n’t his fault her dyin’ o’ Rachel 
Rebecca. When he said ‘ dyin’,’ I broke in 
’n’ said ’t it was Bible-true ’s there was ’s 
good fish in the sea ’s ever was caught out 


14 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


of it, 'n' he was impolite enough to interrupt 
'n’ tell me to my face ‘ Yes, but when auman 
had been caught once he was n't easy caught 
again.’ I will own ’t I was more ’n put out ’t 
that, for o’ course when I said fish I meant 
his wife ’n’ me, but when he pretended to 
think ’t I meant him I begin to doubt ’s it 
was worth while to tackle him further. One 
man can lead a horse to water, but a thousand 
can’t get him to stick his nose in ’f he don’t 
want to, ’n’ I thank my stars ’t I ain’t, got 
nothin’ ’n me as craves to marry a man ’s 
appears dead-set ag’in’ the idea. I asked him 
’f he did n’t think ’s cornin’ into property 
was always a agreeable feelin’, ’n’ he said, 
‘ Yes, but not when with riches come a secret 
thorn in the flesh,’ ’n’ at that I clean 
give up, ’n’ I hope it was n’t to my discredit, 
for no one on the face of the earth could ’a’ 
felt ’t there ’d be any good in keepin’ on. 
But it was no use, ’n’ you know ’s well as I 
do ’t I never was give to wastin’ my breath, 
so I out ’n’ told him ’t I was n’t giv’ to 
wastin’ my time either, ’n’ then I stood up 
’n’ he did too. ’N’ then I got even with 
him, ’n’ I c’n assure you ’t I enjoyed it, f’r 
I out ’ll’ told him ’t I ’d changed my mind 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 15 


about the quarter. So he had all that long 
walk for nothin’, ’n’ I can’t in conscience 
deny ’t I was more ’n rejoiced, for Lord 
knows I did n’t consider ’t he’d acted very 
obligin’.” 

Mrs. Lathrop ceased to chew and looked 
deeply sympathetic. 

There was a brief silence, and then she 
asked, Was you thinkin’ o’ try in’ any — ” 

Miss Clegg stared at her in amazement. 

“ Mrs. Lathrop ! Do you think I ’d 
give up now, ’n’ let the minister see ’t my 
marryin’ depended on his say-so? Well, 
I guess not ! I ’m more dead-set ’n’ ever, 
’n’ I vow ’n’ declare ’t I ’ll never draw 
breath till after I ’ve stood up right in the 
face o’ the minister ’n’ the whole congrega- 
tion ’n’ had ’n’ held some man, no matter 
who nor when nor where. Marryin’ was 
goin’ to have been a pleasure, now it ’s a 
business. I ’m goin’ to get a horse ’n’ 
buggy this afternoon ’n’ drive out to Farmer 
Sperrit’s. I ’ve thought it all over, ’n’ I c’n 
tell father ’t I ’ll be choppin’ wood ; then ’f 
he says afterwards ’t he called ’n’ called, I 
c’n say ’t I was makin’ so much noise ’t 
I didn’t hear him.” 


16 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


‘‘You 'll have to hire — " suggested Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

“ I know, but it won’t cost but fifty cents, 
’n’ I saved a quarter on the minister, you 
know. I ’d like to ask you to drive out 
with me, Mrs. Lathrop, but if Mr. Sperrit ’s 
got it in him to talk like the minister did, 
I ’m free to confess ’t, I ’d rather be alone to 
listen. ’N’ really, Mrs. Lathrop, I must go 
in now. I ’ve got bread a-risin’ ’n’ dishes to 
do, ’n’, as I told you before, this is father’s 
day to be all but scraped ’n’ varnished.” 

Mrs. Lathrop withdrew her support from 
the fence, and Miss Clegg did likewise. 
Each returned up her own path to her own 
domicile, and it was long after that day’s 
tea-time before the cord of friendship got 
knotted up again. 

“ Did you go to the farm ? ” Mrs. Lathrop 
asked. “ I was to the Sewin’ So — ” 

“Yes, I went,” said Miss Clegg, her air 
decidedly weary ; “oh, yes, I went. I had 
a nice ride too, ’n’ I do believe I saw the 
whole farm, from the pigs to the punkins.” 

There was a pause, and Mrs. Lathrop 
filled it to the brim with expectancy until 
she could wait no longer. 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 17 


Are you — ” she finally asked. 

‘‘No,” said her friend, sharply, “I ain’t. 
He was n’t a bit spry to hop at the chance, 
’n’ Lord knows there wa’n’t no great urgin’ 
on my part. I asked him why he ain’t 
never married, ’n’ he laughed like it was a 
funny subjeck, ’n’ said ’s long ’s he never 
did it ’t that was the least o’ his troubles. 
I didn’t call that a very encouragin’ beginnin’, 
but my mind was made up not to let it be 
my fault ’f the horse was a dead waste o’ 
fifty cents, ’n’ so I said to him ’t if he ’d 
marry any woman with a little money he 
could easy buy the little Jones farm right 
next him, ’n’ then ’t ’d be ’s clear ’s day 
that it ’d be his own fault if he did n’t soon 
stretch right from the brook to the road. 
He laughed some more ’t that, ’n’ said ’t I 
did n’t seem to be aware ’t he owned a 
mortgage on the Jones farm ’n’ got all ’t it 
raised now ’n’ would get the whole thing in 
less ’n two years.” 

Mrs. Lathrop stopped chewing. 

“ They was sayin’ in the Sewin’ Society 
’s he ’s goin’ to marry Eliza Gr — ” she 
said mildly. 

Miss Clegg almost screamed. 


18 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


“ Eliza Gringer, as keeps house for him ? ** 

Her friend nodded. 

Miss Clegg drew in a sudden breath. 

“Well! T I'd knowed I'd never 

'a' paid fifty cents for that horse 'n' buggy 1 
Eliza Gringer ! why, she 's older 'n' I am, 
— she was to ‘ Cat ' when I was only to ^ M.^ 
'N' he's goin* to marry her I Oh, well, I 
d'n* know 's it makes any difference to me. 
In my opinion a man as 'd be fool enough 
to be willin' to marry a woman 's ain't got 
nothin* but herself to give him, 's likelier to 
be happier bein' her fool 'n he ever would 
be bein' mine." 

There was a pause. 

“ Your father's just the — " Mrs. La- 
throp said at last. 

“ Same ? Oh yes, he 's just the same. 
Seems 't I can't remember when he was n't 
just the same." 

Then there was another pause. 

“ I ain't discouraged," Susan announced 
suddenly, almost aggressively, — “I ain't 
discouraged 'n' I won't give up. I 'm goin' 
to see Mr. Weskin, the lawyer, to-morrow. 
They say — 'n' I never see nothin' to lead 
me to doubt 'em — 't he 's stingy 'n' mean 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 19 


for all he *s forever makin' so merry at other 
folks' expense ; but I believe 't there 's good 
in everythin' 'f you 're willin' to hunt for it 
'n' Lord know^s 't if this game keeps up 
much longer I 'll get so used to huntin' 't 
huntin' the good in Lawyer Weskin 'll jus' 
be child's play to me." 

I was thinkin' — " began Mrs. Lathrop. 

‘‘It ain't no use if you are," said her 
neighbor ; “ the mosquitoes is gettin' too 
thick. We 'd better in." 

And so they parted for the night. 

The following evening was hot and breath- 
less, the approach of Fourth of July appear- 
ing to hang heavily over all. Susan brought 
a palm-leaf fan with her to the fence and 
fanned vigorously. 

“ It ain't goin' to be the lawyer, either," 
she informed the expectant Mrs. Lathrop, 
“ 'n' I hav' n't no tears to shed over that, I 
went there the first thing after dinner, 'n' he 
give me a solid chair 'n' whirled aroun' in 
one 't twisted, 'n' I did n't fancy such man- 
ners under such circumstances a tall, I 'd 
say suthin' real serious 'n' he 'd brace him- 
self ag'in his desk 'n' take a spin 's if I 


20 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


did n’t count for sixpence. I could n’t seem 
to bring him around to the seriousness of the 
thing nohow. ’N’ I come right out square 
’n’ open in the very beginnin’ too, for Lord 
knows I ’m dead sick o’ beatin’ around the 
bush o’ men’s natural shyness. He whirled 
himself clean around two times ’n’ then said 
’s long ’s I was so frank with him ’t it ’d be 
nothin’ but a joy for him to be equally frank 
with me ’n’ jus’ say ’s he ’d rather not. I 
told him he ’d ought to remember ’s he ’d 
have a lot o’ business when father died ’f he 
kept my good will, but he was lookin’ over 
’n’ under himself to see how near to un- 
screwed he was ’n’ if it was safe to keep on 
turnin’ the same way any longer, ’n’ upon 
my honor, Mrs. Lathrop, I was nigh to mad 
afore he got ready to remark ’s father ’d left 
him a legacy on condition ’t he did n’t charge 
nothin’ for probatin’.” 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 

‘‘ So I come away, ’n’ I declare my patience 
is nigh to gin out. This gettin’ married is 
harder ’n’ house-paintin’ in fly-time. I d’n* 
know when I ’ve felt so tired. Here ’s three 
nights ’t I ’ve had to make my ideas all over 
new to suit a different husband each night. 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 21 


It made my very bones ache to think o’ 
pilin’, them eight children ’n’ the minister on 
top o’ father, ’n’ then the next night it was a 
good jump out to that farm, f’r I never was 
one to know any species o’ fellow-feelin’ with 
pigs ’n’ milkin’. ’N’ last night ! — well, you 
know I never liked Mr. Weskin anyhow. 
But I d’n’ know who I can get now. There ’s 
Mrs. Healy’s husband, o’ course; but when 
a woman looks happier in her coffin ’n she 
ever looked out of it it’s more’n a hint to 
them ’s stays behind to fight shy o’ her hus- 
band. They say he used to throw dishes 
at her, ’n’ I never could stand that — I’m 
too careful o’ my china to risk any such 
goin’s on.” 

Mrs. Lathrop started to speak, but got 
no further. 

‘‘ There ’s a new clerk in the drug-store, — 
I see him through the window when I was 
cornin’ home to-day. He looked to be a 
nice kind o’ man, but I can’t help feelin’ ’t 
it ’d be kind o’ awkward to go up to him ’n’ 
have to begin by askin’ him what my name 
’d be ’f I married him. Maybe there ’s them 
’s could do such a thing,'but I ’ve never had 
nothin’ about me ’s ’d lead me to throw my- 


22 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


self at the head o’ any man, ’n’ it ’s too late 
in the day Pr me to start in now.” 

Mrs. Lathrop again attempted to get in a 
word and was again unsuccessful. 

“ I don’t believe ’t there ’s another free 
man in the town. I ’ve thought ’n’ thought 
’n’ 1 can’t think o’ one.” She stopped and 
sighed. 

“There’s Jathrop ! ” said Mrs. Lathrop, 
with sudden and complete success. Jathrop 
was her son, so baptized through a fearful 
slip of the tongue at a critical moment. He 
was meant to have been John. 

Miss Clegg gave such a start that she 
dropped her fan over the fence. 

“ Well, Heaven forgive me!” she cried, — 
“’n’ me ’t never thought of him once, ’n’ 
him so handy right on the other side of the 
fence 1 Did I ever 1 ” 

“ He ain’t thir — ” said Mrs. Lathrop, 
picking up the fan. 

“ I don’t care. What ’s twelve years or 
so when it ’s the woman ’s ’as got the prop- 
erty ? Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I certainly am 
obliged to you for mentionin’ him, for I don’t 
believe he ever would ’a’ occurred to me in 
kingdom come. ’N’ here I ’ve been worryin’ 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 23 


my head off ever since supper-time all for 
suthin’ *s close ’s Jathrop Lathrop. But I 
had good cause to worry, ’n’ now 't it ^s over 
I don't mind mentionin' the reason 'n' tellin' 
you frank 'n' plain 't I 'd begun on my things. 
I cut out a pink nightgown last night, a 
real fussy one, 'n' I felt sick all over 't the 
thought 't perhaps I 'd wasted all that cloth. 
There was n't nothin' foolish about cuttin' 
out the nightgown, for I 'd made up my 
mind 't if it looked too awful fancy on 't I 'd 
just put it away for the oldest girl when she 
gets married, but o' course 'f I can't get a 
husband stands to reason there 'll be no 
oldest girl, 'n' all that ten cent gingham 't 
Shores is sellin' off 't five 'd be a dead waste 
o' good stuff." 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 

“ Do you suppose there 'll be any trouble 
with Jathrop ? Do you suppose it 'll matter 
any to him which side o' the fence he lives 
on ^ " 

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head slowly. 

I sh'd think he^pught to be only too 
pleased to marry md 'f I want him to, all the 
days 't I tended him when he was a baby! 
My, but he was a cute little fellow I Every- 


24 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


body was lookin* for him to grow up a real 
credit to you then. Well, 's far 's that goes, 
it’s a ill wind ’t blows no good, ’n’ no one 
c’n deny ’t he ’s been easy for you to manage, 
’n’ what ’s sauce f’r the goose is sauce Pr the 
gander, so I sh’ll look to be equally lucky.” 
Mrs. Lathrop looked proud and pleased. 
‘‘ Why can’t you ask him to-night ’n’ let 
me know the first thing in the mornin’ ? 
That’ll save me havin’ to come ’way aroun’ 
by the gate, you know.” 

Mrs. Lathrop assented to the obvious 
good sense of this proposition with one 
emphatic nod of her head. 

« j come out jus’ ’s quick ’s I can 
in the mornin’ ’n’ hear what he said ; I ’ll 
come ’s soon ’s ever I can get father ’n’ 
the dishes washed up. I hope to Heaven 
father’ll sleep more this night ’n he did 
last. He was awful restless last night. He 
kept callin’ f’r things till finally I had to 
take a pillow and go down on the dinin’- 
room lounge to keep from bein’ woke up 
any more.” 

“ Do you think he ’s — ” 

“ No, I don’t think he ’s worse ; not ’nless 
wakin’ up ’n’ askin’ f’r things jus’ to be 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 25 


aggravatin’ is worse. If it is, then he is 
too. But, lor, there ain’t no manner o’ use 
in talkin’ o’ father ! A watched pot never 
boils ! Jathrop ’s more to the point right 
now.” 

Upon this hint Mrs. Lathrop de-fenced 
herself, so to speak, and the friendly chat 
ended for that time. 

The morning after. Miss Clegg was slow 
to appear at the summons of her neighbor. 
When she did approach the spot where the 
other stood waiting, her whole face and 
figure bore a weary and fretful air. 

“ Father jus’ about kept me up this whole 
blessed night,” she began as soon as she was 
within easy hearing. “ I d’n’ know what I 
want to get married f’r, when I ’m bound to 
be man-free in twenty-five years ’f I c’n jus’ 
make out to live that long.” 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed and listened. 

“ If there was anythin’ in the house ’t 
father did n’t ask f’r ’n’ ’t I did n’t get him 
last night, it must ’a’ been the cook-stove in 
the kitchen. I come nigh to losin’ a toe in 
the rat-trap the third time I was down cellar, 
’n’ I clum that ladder to the garret so many 
times ’t I do believe I dusted all overhead 


26 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


with my hair afore mornin’. My ears is 
full o* cobwebs too, you know 's well ’s 
I do T I never was one to fancy cobwebs 
about me. They say T every cloud has a 
silver linin', but I can't see no silver linin' 
to a night like last night. When the roos- 
ter crowed f'r the first time this mornin', I 
had it in my heart to march right out there 
'n' hack off his head. If it 'd 'a' been Satur- 
day, I 'd 'a' done 't too, 'n' relished him 
good at Sunday dinner ! " 

Miss Clegg paused and compressed her 
lips firmly for a few seconds ; then she gave 
herself a little shake and descended to the 
main question of the day. 

Well, what did Jathrop say ? " 

Mrs. Lathrop looked very uncomfortable 
indeed, and in lieu of an answer swallowed 
her clover. 

“ You asked him, did n't you ? " 

‘cYes, I — " 

Well, what 'd he say ? " 

‘‘ He ain't very — " 

‘‘ My soul 'n' body ! What reason did 
he give 

He 's afraid your father 's livin' on a 
annu — " 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 27 


“Well, he ain*t/’ Susan’s tone was more 
than a little displeased. “ Whatever else 
father may ’a’ done, he never played no 
annuity tricks. He ’s livin’ on his own 
property, ’n’ I ’ll take it very kindly o’ 
you, Mrs. Lathrop, to make that piece o’ 
news clear to your son. My father’s got 
bank-stock, ’n’ he owns them two cottages 
across the bridge, ’n’ the blacksmith-shop 
belongs to him too. There ! I declare I 
never thought o’ the blacksmith, — his wife 
died last winter.” 

“ Jathrop asked me what I th — ” 

“ Well, what ’d you tell him ? ” 

“ I said ’t if your father was some 
older — ” 

Miss Clegg’s eyebrows moved under- 
standingly. 

“How long is it since you’ve seen 
father ? ” she asked without waiting for the 
other to end her sentence. 

“ Not since your mother died, I guess ; I 

yy 

was — 

“ I wish you c’d come over ’n’ take a 
look at him now ’n’ tell me your opinion. 
Why can’t you ? ” 

Mrs. Lathrop reflected. 


28 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


“ I don’t see why I can’t. I ’ll go in ’n’ 
take off — ” 

“ All right, ’n’ when you ’ve got it off, 
come right over ’n’ you ’ll find me in the 
kitchen waitin’ for you.” 

Mrs. Lathrop returned to her own house 
to shed her apron and wash her hands, and 
then sallied over to view Mr. Clegg. The 
two friends mounted the stair together, and 
entered the old man’s room. 

It was a scrupulously clean and bright 
and orderly room, and the invalid in the 
big white bed bore evidence to the care and 
attention so dutifully lavished on him. He 
was a very wizened little old man, and his 
features had been crossed and recrossed 
by the finger of Time until their original 
characteristics were nearly obliterated. The 
expression upon his face resembled nothing 
so much as a sketch which has been done 
over so many times that its first design is 
altogether lost, and if there was any answer 
to the riddle, it was not the mental percep- 
tion of Mrs. Lathrop that was about to 
seize upon it. 

Instead, that kindly visitor stood lost in 
a species of helpless contemplation, until at 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 29 


last a motion of Susan's, directed towards 
the ordering of an unsightly fold in the 
wide smoothness of the counterpane, led to 
her bending herself to do a similar kind- 
ness upon her side of the bed. The action 
resulted in a slight change in her expres- 
sion which Susan’s watchfulness at once 
perceived. 

“Was it a needle?” she asked quickly. 
“ Sometimes I stick ’em in while I ’m sewin’. 
You see, his havin’ been paralyzed so many 
years has got me where I ’m awful careless 
about leavin’ needles in his bed.” 

“No,” said Mrs. Lathrop ; “it wasn’t 
a — ” 

“ Come on downstairs again,” said the 
hostess ; “ we c’n talk there.” 

They went down into the kitchen, and 
there Mrs. Lathrop seated herself and 
coughed solemnly. 

“ What is it, anyhow ? ” the younger 
woman demanded. 

Mrs. Lathrop coughed again. 

“ Susan, did I feel a feather — ” 

“Yes,” said Susan, in great surprise ; “ he 
likes one.” 

“ I sh’d think it was too hot this — ” 


30 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


He don't never complain o' the heat, 
'n' he hates the chill o' rainy days." 

Mrs. Lathrop coughed again. 

Miss Clegg's interest bordered on im- 
patience. 

“ Now, Susan, I ain't sayin' as it 's noways 
true, but I have heard as there 's them 's 
can't die on — " 

“ On feathers ? " cried the daughter. 

“ Yes ; they say they hold the life right 
in n — 

Miss Clegg's eyes opened widely. 

‘‘ But I could n't take it away from him, 
anyhow," she said, with a species of deter- 
mined resignation in her voice. ‘‘ I ’d have 
to wait 'till he wanted it took." 

Mrs. Lathrop was silent. Then she rose 
to go. Susan rose too. They went out 
the kitchen door together, and down the 
steps. There they paused to part. 

Do you believe 't it 'd be any use me 
thinkin' o' Jathrop any more ? " the maiden 
asked the matron. 

I believe I 'd try the blacksmith if I 
was you ; he looks mighty nice Sundays." 

Miss Clegg sighed heavily and turned to 
re-enter the house. 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG SI 


Mrs. Lathrop went ‘‘ round by the gate ” 
and became again an inmate of her own 
kitchen. There the thought occurred to 
her that it was an excellent morning to 
clean the high-shelf over the sink. For 
years past whenever she had had occasion 
to put anything up there, showers of dust 
and rolls of lint had come tumbling down 
upon her head. Under such circumstances 
it was but natural that a determination to 
some day clean the shelf should have slowly 
but surely been developed. Accordingly 
she climbed up on the edge of the sink and 
undertook the initiatory proceedings. The 
lowest stratum of dirt was found to rest upon 
a newspaper containing an account of one 
day of Guiteau’s trial. Upon the discovery 
of the paper Mrs. Lathrop suddenly aban- 
doned her original plan, got down from the 
sink, ensconced herself in her kitchen rocker, 
and plunged into bliss forthwith. 

An hour passed pleasantly and placidly 
by. Bees buzzed outside the window, the 
kettle sizzled sweetly on the stove, the news- 
paper rustled less and less, Mrs. Lathrop's 
head sank sideways, and the calm of perfect 
peace reigned in her immediate vicinity. 


S2 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


This state of things endured not long. 

Its gentle Paradise was suddenly broken 
in upon and rent apart by a succession of 
the most piercing shrieks that ever origi- 
nated in the throat of a human being. Mrs. 
Lathrop came to herself with a violent start, 
sprang to her feet, ran to the door, and then 
stood still, completely dazed and at first 
unable to discern from which direction the 
ear-splitting screams proceeded. Then, in 
a second, her senses returned to her, and 
she ran as fast as she could to the fence. 
As she approached the boundary, she saw 
Susan standing in one of her upstairs win- 
dows and yelling at the top of her voice. 
Mrs. Lathrop paused for no conventionali- 
ties of civilization. She hoisted herself over 
the fence in a fashion worthy a man or a 
monkey, ran across the Clegg yard, entered 
the kitchen door, stumbled breathlessly up 
the dark back stairs, and gasped, grabbing 
Susan hard by the elbow, — 

“ What it, for pity^s — 

Susan was all colors and shaking as if 
with the ague. 

“You never told me ’s it *d work so 
quick,'' she cried out. 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 33 


What would — 

The feathers ! 

“ Whose feathers ? ” 

Father's feathers." 

“ Lord have mercy, Susan, you don't 
mean — " 

Yes, I do." 

He ain't never — " 

‘‘ Yes, he is." 

Mrs. Lathrop stood stricken. 

Susan wiped her eyes with her apron and 
choked. 

After a while the older woman spoke 
feebly. 

‘^What did hap—" 

Miss Clegg cut the question off in its 
prime. 

“ I don't know as I c'n ever tell you ; 
it 's too awful even to think of." 

But you — " 

“ I know, 'n' I 'm goin' to. But I tell 
you once for all, Mrs. Lathrop, 't this 'll be 
a lesson to me forever after 's to takin' the 
say-so o' other folks unto myself. 'N' I 
did n't really consider 't I was doin' so 
this time, f 'r if I had. Lord knows I 'd 
'a' landed three beds atop o' him afore 
3 


i 


34 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


I 'd 'a ever — She stopped and shook 
convulsively. 

“ Go on/' said Mrs. Lathrop, her curios- 
ity getting the better of her sympathy, and 
her impatience ranking both. 

Susan ceased sobbing, and essayed ex- 
planation. 

“ You see, after you was gone, he said ’t 
he was pretty hot these last nights, 'n' 't 
that was maybe what kept him so awfully 
awake. I asked him if — if — maybe the 
feather-bed 'n' — well, Mrs. Lathrop, to 
put the whole in a nut-shell, we settled to 
move him, 'n* I moved him. I know I 
did n't hurt him one bit, for I 'm 's handy 
with — at least, I was 's handy with him 's 
I am with a broom. 'N' I laid him on the 
lounge, 'n' dumped that bed out into the 
back hall. I thought I 'd sun it 'n' put it 
away this afternoon, f'r you know 's I 'm 
never no hand to leave nothin’ lyin' aroun'. 
Well, I come back 'n' got out some fresh 
sheets, 'n' jus' 's I was — " 

The speaker halted, and there was a 
dramatic pause. 

“Where is — " Mrs. Lathrop asked at 
last. 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 35 


“ Back in the feathers. My heaven alive ! 
When I see what I ’d done, I was that upset 
T I just run ’s quick ’s ever I could, 'n' got 
the bed, 'n' dumped it right atop of him ! 

There was another dramatic silence, finally 
broken by Mrs. Lathrop’s saying slowly 
and gravely, — 

“ Susan, T I was you I would n't never 
>> 

say — 

I ain't goin' to. I made up my mind 
to never tell a livin' soul the very first thing. 
To think o' me doin' it! To think o' all 
these years 't I 've tended father night 'n' 
day, 'n' then to accidentally go 'n' do a 
thing like that ! I declare, it fairly makes 
me sick all over 1 " 

‘‘Well, Susan, you know what a good 
daughter you've — " 

“ I know, 'n' I 've been thinkin' of it. 
But somehow nothin' don't seem to comfort 
me none. Perhaps you 'd better make me 
some tea, 'n' while I 'm drinkin' it, Jathrop 
c'n go down town 'n' — " 

“ Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, “ 'n' I 'll go 
right 'n' — " 

“That's right," said the bereaved, “ 'n' 
hurry." 


36 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


It was a week later — a calm and lovely 
evening — and the two friends stood by 
the fence. The orphan girl was talking, 
while Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 

“ It don't seem like only a week ! — seems 
more like a month or even a year. Well, 
they say sometimes, folks live a long ways 
ahead in a very short time, 'n' I must say 't, 
as far 's my observation 's extended, cornin' 
into property always leads to experience, so 
I could n't in reason complain 't not bein' 
no exception. This 's been the liveliest 
week o' my life, 'n' I 'm free to confess 't I 
have n't cried anywhere near 's much 's I 
looked to. My feelin's have been pretty 
agreeable, take it all in all, 'n' I 'd be a born 
fool 'f I did n't take solid comfort sleepin' 
nights, 'n' I never was a fool — never was 
'n' never will be. The havin' somebody to 
sleep in the house 's been hard, 'n' Mrs. 
Macy's failin' through the cellar-flap giv' 
me a bad turn, but she 's doin' nicely, 'n' the 
minister makes up f 'r anythin'. I do wish 
't you 'd seen him that afternoon, Mrs. La- 
throp ; he did look so most awful sheepish, 
'n' his clean collar give him dead away afore 
he ever opened his mouth. He set out by 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 37 


sayin’ T the consolations of religion was 
mine Pr the askin’, but I did n’t take the 
hint, ’n’ so he had to jus’ come out flat ’n’ 
say ’t he ’d been thinkin’ it over ’n’ he ’d 
changed his mind. I held my head good 
’n’ high ’t that, I c’n assure you, ’n’ it was 
a pretty sorry look he give me when I 
said ’t I ’d been thinkin’ it over too, ’n’ 
I ’d changed my mind too. He could ’a’ 
talked to me till doomsday about his bein’ 
a consolation, 1 ’d know it was nothin’ ’t 
changed him but me cornin’ into them 
government bonds. No man alive could 
help wantin’ me after them bonds was 
found, ’n’ I had the great pleasure o’ 
learnin’ that fact out o’ Lawyer Weskin 
himself. All his species o’ fun-makin’ ’t 
nobody but hisself ever sees any fun in, jus’ 
died right out when we unlocked father’s 
old desk ’n’ come on that bundle o’ papers. 
He give one look ’n’ then all his gay spin- 
niness oozed right out o’ him, ’n’ he told 
me ’s serious ’s a judge ’t a woman ’s rich ’s 
I be needed a good lawyer to look out f’r 
her ’n’ her property right straight along. 
Well, I was ’s quick to reply ’s he was to 
speak. ’N’ I was to the point too. I jus’ 


38 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


up 'n* said. Yes, I thought so myself, 'n* 
jus' 's soon 's I got things to rights I was 
goin’ to the city 'n' get me one." 

Miss Clegg paused to frown reminis- 
cently; Mrs. Lathrop's eyes never quitted 
the other's face. 

“ There was Mr. Sperrit too. Come with 
a big basket o' fresh vegetables 't he said 
he thought 'd maybe tempt my appetite. I 
d'n' know 's I ever enjoyed rappin' no one 
over the knuckles more 'n I did him. I jus* 
stopped to take in plenty o' breath 'n* then 1 
let myself out, 'n' I says to him flat 'n' plain, 
I says, ‘ Thank you kindly, but I guess no 
woman in these parts 's better able to tempt 
her own appetite 'n' I be now, 'n' you 'll be 
doin' me the only kindness 't it 's in you to 
do me now if you 'll jus' take your garden 
stuff 'n* give it to some one 's is poor 'n* 
needin'.' He looked so crestfallen 't I made 
up my mind 't it was then or never to settle 
my whole score with him, so I up 'n' looked 
him right in the eye 'n' I says to him, I 
says, ‘ Mr. Sperrit, you did n't seem to jus' 
realize what it meant to me that day 't I 
took that horse 'n' buggy 'n' drove 'way out 
to your farm to see you ; you did n't seem 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 39 


to think what it meant to me to take that 
trip : but I c’n tell you T it costs suthin* for a 
woman to do a thing like that ; it cost me 
a good deal — it cost me fifty cents.’ He 
went away then, ’n’ he can marry Eliza 
Gringer if he likes, ’n’ I ’ll wish ’em both 
joy ’n’ consider myself the luckiest o’ the 
three.” 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 

’N’ then there’s Jathrop ! ” continued 
the speaker, suddenly transfixing her friend 
with a piercing glance, — ‘‘there’s even Ja- 
throp ! under my feet night ’n’ day. I de- 
clare to you ’t upon my honor I ain’t turned 
around four times out o’ five this week with- 
out almost failin’ over Jathrop wantin’ me 
to give him a chance to explain his feelin’s, 
I don’t wish to hurtjy^?^^r feelin’s, Mrs. La- 
'throp, ’n’ it’s natural ’t, seein’ you can’t help 
yourself, you look upon him ’s better ’n’ 
nothin’, but still I will remark ’t Jathrop ’s 
the last straw on top o’ my hump, ’n’ this 
mornin’ when I throwed out the dish-water 
’n’ hit him by accident jus’ cornin’ in, my 
patience clean gin out. I did n’t feel no 
manner o’ sympathy over his soapy wetness, 


40 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


’n' I spoke my mind right then ’n’ there. 
‘ Jathrop Lathrop/ I says to him, all forget- 
tin’ how big he ’d got ’n' only rememberin' 
what a bother he's always been, ^Jathrop 
Lathrop, you let that soakin' be a lesson to 
you 'n' march right straight home this in- 
stant, 'n' 'f you want to think of me, think 't 
if I hear any more about your feelin's the 
feelin' you 'll have best cause to talk about 
'll be the feelin' o' gettin' spanked.' " 

Mrs. Lathrop sighed slightly. 

Miss Clegg echoed the sigh. 

‘‘ There never was a truer sayin' 'n' the 
one 't things goes by contraries," she con- 
tinued presently. ‘‘ Here I 've been figgerin' 
on bein' so happy married, 'n' instid o' that I 
find myself missin' father every few minutes. 
There was lots o' good about father, partic- 
ular when he was asleep. I 'd got so used 
to his stayin' where I put him 't I don't know 
's I c'd ever get used to a man 's could get 
about. 'F I wanted to talk, father was al- 
ways there to listen, 'n' 'f he wanted to talk 
I c'd always go downstairs. He didn't never 
have but one button to keep sewed on 'n' no 
stockings to darn a tall, 'N' all the time 


THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 41 


there was all them nice government bonds 
savin’ up for me in his desk ! No, I sha’n’t 
consider no more as to gettin’ married. 
While it looked discouragin’ I hung on ’n’ 
never give up hope, but I sh’d be showin’ 
very little o’ my natural share o’ brains ’f I 
did n’t know ’s plain ’s the moon above ’t ’f 
I get to be eighty ’n’ the fancy takes me I 
c’n easy get a husband any day with those 
bonds. While I could n’t seem to lay hands 
on no man I was wild to have one — now ’t 
I know I c’n have any man ’t I fancy, I 
don’t want no man a tall. It’ll always be 
a pleasure to look back on my love-makin’, 
’n’ I wouldn’t be no woman ’f down in the 
bottom of my heart I was n’t some pleased 
over havin’ ’s good ’s had four offers inside 
o’ the same week. But I might o’ married, 
Mrs. Lathrop, ’n’ Heaven might o’ seen fit 
to give me such a son ’s he give you, ’n’ ’f I 
had n’t no other reason for remainin’ single 
that alone ’d be s’fficient. After all, the Lord 
said Ht is not good for man to be alone,’ but 
He left a woman free to use her common 
sense ’n’ I sh’ll use mine right now. I ’ve 
folded up the pink nightgown, ’n’ I ’m 


42 THE MARRYING OF SUSAN CLEGG 


thinkin' very seriously o’ givin’ it to Amelia 
Fitch, ’n’ I ’ll speak out frank ’n’ open ’n* 
tell her ’n’ everybody else ’t I don’t envy no 
woman — not now ’n’ not never.” 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 


II 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 

I T was an evening in early October, — one 
of those first frosty nights when a bright 
wood fire is so agreeable to contemplate and 
so more than agreeable to sit in front of. 
Susan Clegg sat in front of hers, and doubt- 
less thoroughly appreciated its cheerful 
warmth, but it cannot be said that she took 
any time to contemplate it, for her gaze was 
altogether riveted upon the stocking which 
she was knitting, and which appeared — for 
the time being — to absorb completely that 
persevering energy which was the dominant 
note of her character. 

But still the beauty and brilliancy of the 
leaping flames were not altogether lost upon 
an unseeing world, for there was another 
present beside Susan, and that other was full 
to overflowing with the power of silent 
admirationo Her little black beady eyes 
43 


44 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


stared at the dancing lights that leapt from 
each burning log in a species of rapt absorp- 
tion, and it was only semi-occasionally that 
she turned them back upon the work which 
lay upon her lap. Mrs. Lathrop (for of 
course it was Mrs. Lathrop) was matching 
scraps for a ‘‘ crazy ” sofa-pillow, and there 
was something as touchingly characteristic in 
the calmness and deliberation of her match- 
ing as there was in the wild whirl which 
Susan’s stocking received whenever that lady 
felt the moment had come to alter her 
needles. For Susan, when she knit, knit 
fast and furiously, whereas Mrs. Lathrop’s 
main joy in relation to labor lay in the sen- 
sation that she was preparing to undertake 
it. The sofa-pillow had been conceived — 
some eighteen months before — as a crazy- 
quilt, but all of us who have entertained such 
friends unawares know that the size of their 
quilts depended wholly upon the wealth of 
our scrap-bags, and in the case of Mrs. La- 
throp’s friends their silk and satin resources 
had soon forced the reduction of her quilt 
into a sofa-pillow, and indeed the poor lady 
had during the first weeks felt a direful 
dread that the final result would be only a 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


45 


pin-cushion. She had begun the task with 
the idea of keeping it for pick-up ** work, 
and during the eighteen months since its 
beginning she had picked it up so rarely 
that after a year and a half of ‘‘ matching ’’ 
it was not yet matched. It goes without 
saying that Miss Clegg had very little sym- 
pathy with her friend’s fancy-work and de- 
spised the slowness of its progress, but her 
contempt had no effect whatever upon Mrs. 
Lathrop, whose friendship was of that quality 
the basis of which knows not the sensation 
of being shaken. 

So the older woman sat before the fire, 
and sometimes stared long upon its glow, 
and sometimes thoughtfully drew two bits 
of silk from her bag and disposed them side 
by side to the end that she might calmly and 
dispassionately judge the advisability of join- 
ing them together forever, while the younger 
woman knit madly away without an instant’s 
loss or a second’s pause. 

Mrs. Lathrop was thinking very seriously 
of pinning a green stripe to a yellow polka- 
dotted weave which had once formed part 
of Mrs. Macy’s mother’s christening-robe, 
when Susan opened her lips and addressed 


46 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


her. The attack was so sudden that the 
proprietor of the crazy-work started vio- 
lently and dropped the piece of the christen- 
ing-robe ; but the slight accident had no 
effect upon her friend. 

“It does beat me, Mrs. Lathrop,” she 
began, “how you can potter over that 
quilt year in and year out. I sh’d think 
you ’d be so dead-sick o’ the sight o’ 
them pieces ’t you’d be glad to dump the 
whole in the fire. I don’t say but the idea 
is a nice one, an’ you know ’s well as I do 
that when they ’re too frayed to wear every 
one ’s nothin’ but glad to save you their 
bonnet-strings, but all the same my own 
feelin’ in the matter is ’t a thing that ain’t 
come to sewin’ in two years ain’t never goin’ 
to come to bindin’ in my lifetime, an’ nat- 
urally that ’d leave you to finish your quilt 
some years after you was dead. I don’t see 
how you ’re goin’ to get a quilt out o’ them 
pieces anyhow. This town ain’t give to 
choppin’ up their silk in a way that ’s likely 
to leave you many scraps, ’n’ I know ’s far 
’s I ’m concerned ’t if I had any good silk I 
sh’d certainly save it to mend with, ’n’ I ’m 
a rich woman too.” 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


47 


I ain't tryin' for a quilt/' said Mrs. 
Lathrop mildly, ‘‘ I 'm only — " 

‘‘ Mrs, Lathrop " — Susan's tone was em- 
phatically outraged — “ Mrs. Lathrop, do 
you mean to say that after all this givin' 
you ain't goin' to do your share? 'N' me 
lettin' you have the inside of the top of 
father's hat, 'n' Mrs. Fisher savin' you all 
her corners jus' on your simple askin'. You 
said a quilt, 'n' we give for a quilt, 'n' if 
you 've changed your mind I must say I 
want the inside o' the hat again to polish 
my parlor lookin'-glass with." 

I ain't got enough for the quilt," said 
Mrs. Lathrop ; it's a sofa-pillow I'm — " 
“ Oh," said Susan, much relieved, “ well 
— I'm glad to hear it. I could n't hardly 
believe it of you, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' yet if 
you can't believe what a person says of them- 
selves who can you believe when it comes to 
talkin' about anybody ? I 'm glad to know 
the truth, though, Mrs. Lathrop, for I was 
more upset 'n 1 showed at the notion o' 
losin' faith in you. You know what I think 
of you, 'n' I called you over to-night to ask 
your advice about suthin' as has been roamin' 
my head for a long time, 'n' you can mebbe 


48 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


understand 's it did n't over-please me to 
have your first remark one as I could n't in 
reason approve of. A woman as 'll begin a 
quilt 'n' trade hen's eggs 'n' all but go 
aroun' town on her bended knees to get the 
old ties of other women's lawful husbands, 
jus' to give up in the end has got no advisin' 
stuff for me inside o' her. I would n't like 
to hurt your feelin's, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' as 
long as you say it 's a sofa-pillow o' course 
there 's no harm done, but still it was a 
shock 'n' I can't deny it." 

Mrs. Lathrop appeared most regretful, 
withdrew her gaze from the fire and the 
yellow polka-dots and directed its entire 
volume at Susan. 

The latter altered her needles with a 
fierce fling, and then continued : 

‘^However, now 's all is made clear I will 
go on 'n' tell you what 's on my mind. I 'd 
^be a fool not to tell you, havin' got you 
over here just for the purpose o' bein' told, 
'n' yet I 've sat here a good hour — 'n' you 
know I ain't over-give to sittin', Mrs. La- 
throp — tryin' to decide whether after all I 
would tell you or not. You see this subjeck 
is n't nowise new to me, but it 'll be new to 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


49 


you, ’n' bein’ new to you I can’t see how 
anythin’ ’s goin’ to be got out o’ askin’ you 
f’r advice. It ain’t likely ’t any one first go- 
off c’n think of things ’t I ain’t thought of 
already, ’n’ you know yourself, Mrs. La- 
throp, how little you ever have to say to me 
compared to what I say to you. Besides, ’s 
far ’s my observation ’s extended no one don’t 
ask f’r advice ’nless they ’ve pretty well 
made up their mind not to take it, if so be ’s 
it suits ’em better untook, ’n’ when I make 
up my mind I ’m goin’ to do a thing any- 
how so there ain’t much use in me askin’ 
you ’r anybody else what they think about it. 
A woman ’s rich ’s I be don’t need to take 
no one else’s say-so nohow — not ’nless she 
feels so inclined, ’n’ the older I get the 
less I incline.” 

Mrs. Lathrop sighed slightly, but did not 
alter her position by a hair. Susan whirled 
her stocking, took a fresh breath, and went 
on : 

“It’s a subjeck ’t I’ve been lookin’ 
straight in the face, ’s well ’s upside down ’n’ 
hind end to, f’r a good long time. I ’xpeck 
’t it ’ll mebbe come in the nature of a surprise 
to the c’mmunity in general, ’n’ yet, to tell 

4 


50 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


you the truth, Mrs. Lathrop, I was thinkin’ 
o’ this very thing away back las’ spring when 
Mrs. Shores eloped. I was even thinkin’ 
of it that very minute, f’r I was one o’ them 
’s was in the square when Johnny come 
runnin’ from the station with the telegram. 
Everybody ’s see Johnny’s face thought ’s 
two trains had smashed on his a’count some- 
where, ’n’ 1 recolleck Mr. Kimball’s sayin’ 
’s he could n’t ’a’ looked more miserable ’f 
he’d been the man ’s had run away with her. 
It was too bad you was n’t there, Mrs. La- 
throp, — Mrs. Macy always says ’t she ’ll 
regret to her dyin’ day ’s she thought o’ 
cornin’ to town that mornin’ to get the right 
time f’r her clock ’n’ then decided to wait ’n’ 
set it by the whistle. Gran’ma Mullins was 
there — she was almost in front o’ Mr. Shores’ 
store. I ’ve heard her say a hunderd times 
’t, give her three seconds more, ’n’ she’d 
’a’ been right in front ; but she was takin’ 
her time, ’n’ so she jus’ missed seein’ Johnny 
hand in the telegram. I was standin’ back 
to the band-stand, tellin’ Mrs. Allen my 
receipt for cabbage pickle, so I never felt to 
blame myself none f’r not gettin’ nearer 
quicker. The first thing I recolleck was I 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


51 


says, then boil the vinegar again,’ ’n’ 

Mrs. Allen give a scream ’n’ run. Then I 
turned ’n’ see every one runnin’, ’n’ Mr. 
Shores in the lead. They do say ’s he was 
so crazy ’t first ’t he seemed to think he 
c’d catch the Knoxville Express by tearin’ 
across the square. But he give out afore he 
reached Judge Fitch’s, ’n’ Johnny ’n’ Hiram 
Mullins had to carry him home. Well, it 
was a bad business at first, ’n’ when she kid- 
napped the baby ’t was worse. I was down 
in the square the day ’t Johnny come with 
that telegram too. I remember Mrs. Macy 
’n’ me was the only ones there ’cause it was 
Monday. I was n’t goin’ to wash ’cause I 
only had a nightgown ’n’ two aprons, ’n’ the 
currants was ripe ’n’ I ’d gone down to get 
my sugar, ’n’ Johnny come kitin’ up fr’m the 
station, ’n* Mrs. Macy ’n’ me did n’t put on 
no airs but just kited right after him. Mrs. 
Macy always says she learned to see the sense 
in Bible miracles that day, f’r she had n’t run 
in years then, ’n’ she’s walked with a stick 
ever since, but she run that day, ’n’ Johnny 
bein’ tired ’n’ Mrs. Macy ’n’ me fresh — 
she was a little fresher ’n me f’r I ’d been 
talkin’ — we all three come in on Mr. Shores 


52 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


together. Seems like I c’n see him now. 
He sort of shivered all over 'n’ says, ‘Ah — 
a telegram!’ ’n’ Johnny says, ‘Jus’ come,’ 
’n’then we all waited. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, 
I guess I ’ve told you before how he jus’ 
sort o’ went right up in the air I — it said, 
‘ We have took the child,’ ’n’ he bounced 
all over like a rat that ain’t good caught ’n’ 
then he out ’n’ away ’n’ we right after him. 
He kept hollerin’, ‘It’s a lie — it’s a lie,’ 
but when he got home he found out ’t Mrs. 
Shores had kep’ her word ’s usual. Mrs. 
Macy put cold water to his head ’n’ I mixed 
mustard plasters ’n’ put ’em on anywhere ’t 
he was still enough, but all the same they had 
to lace him to the ironin’ board that night. 
I hear lots o’ folks says ’s he ’s never really 
knowed which end up he was walkin’ since, 
but I guess there ’s more reasons f’r that ’n 
her takin’ the baby. My own view o’ the 
matter is ’t he misses his clerk full ’s much 
’s he misses his family, f’r he ’s got to tend 
both sides of the store at once ’n’ he don’t 
begin to be as spry ’s that young feller was. 
He can’t hop back ’n’ forth over the counter 
like he used to ; he ’s got to go way back 
through the calicoes every time or else climb 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


53 


up in the window-seat over that squirrel T 
he keeps there in a cage advertisin’ fur-lined 
mitts ’n’ winter nuts. Mr. Kimball ’s for- 
ever makin’ one o’ them famous jokes of his 
over him, ’n’ sayin’ ’t he never looks across 
the square without he sees Shores tryin’ to 
rise above his troubles ’n’ his squirrel together, 
but I don’t see nothin’ funny in any of it 
myself. I think it ’s no more ’n’ what he 
might of ’xpected. He got the squirrel 
himself ’n’ his wife too, ’n’ she never did 
suit him. He was all put out at first over 
her takin’ it so to heart ’t he wore a wig, ’n’ 
then he was clean disgusted over the baby 
’cause he wanted a boy ’t he could name 
after himself. They said he all but cried, ’n’ 
she cried dreadful, f ’r she did n’t know nothin’ 
about babies ’n’ thought it was goin’ to be 
bald always, jus’ like him. But what did he 
marry for if he did n’t want trouble ? — That 
was what I said to the minister’s wife. She 
come to call right in the first of it, ’n’ I must 
say ’t if she had n’t come mebbe a good 
many things might o’ been different, for my 
mind was about made up then, an’ I was 
thinkin’ very serious o’ mebbe sayin’ suthin’ 
to you that very night. But she put me at 


54 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


outs with the whole thing — not as I won’t 
admit ’t there ain’t a difference between one 
’n’ nine, f’r any one c’n work that out on their 
fingers fast enough.” 

Mrs. Lathrop assented to this statement 
by moving her head in a slow acquiescent 
rhythm as she rocked. 

“ But her talk was certainly awful dis- 
couragin’. She was tryin’ to speak o’ Mr. 
Shores, but she kep’ trailin’ back to herself, 
’n’ when she said ’t she ’d never had time to 
crimp her hair since her weddin’ day she jus’ 
broke right down. I cheered her up all I 
could. I told her she could n’t with a clear 
conscience blame any one but herself ’n’ she ’d 
ought to say her prayers of gratitude ’t she 
had n’t got eight herself, same ’s him. She 
sort o’ choked ’n’ said she could n’t have 
eight ’cause she had n’t been married but 
one year. ‘Well,’ I says, ‘I don’t see no 
great sense in that ; he had eight the day he 
was married ’s far ’s that goes, didn’t he ? ’ 
She jus’ rocked back ’n’ forth ’n’ said ’t no 
one in the whole wide world had any notion 
how many eight children was till they turned 
aroun’ from the altar ’n’ see ’em strung out 
in the pew ’sis saved for the family. I told 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


55 


her T as far ’s my observation 'd 'xtended 
quite a number o' things looked different 
cornin' down from the altar, 'n' it was in my 
heart to tell her 't if I 'd let any man get so 
much the better o' me 's to marry me, my 
self-respeck would certainly shut my mouth 
up tight afterwards. As long 's a woman 's 
single she 's top-dog in the fight 'n' can say 
what she pleases, but after she's married a 
man she'll keep still 'f she's wise, 'n' the 
wiser she is the stiller she 'll keep, for there 's 
no sense in ever lettin' folks know how badly 
you 've been fooled. — But I did n't say all 
that to the minister's wife, for she did n't 
look like she had strength to listen, 'n' so I 
made her some tea instead. — 'N' then it 
come out 't after all what she come for was 
to borrow my clo'es-wringer ! Well, Mrs. 
Lathrop, I certainly didn't have no blame 
f'r myself at feelin' some tempered under 
them circumstances, — me so sympathetic 
— 'n' the tea — 'n' all." 

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head in calm 
and appreciative understanding. 

Did you lend — " she asked. 

— 'N' there are folks just like that in 
this world too," Susan continued, “ 'n' it 


56 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


beats me what the Lord makes 'em so for, 
for they’ll talk ’n’ talk ’n’ wander all over 
every subjeck in Creation to come ’n’ never 
even begin to get around to the point till 
you ’re clean gi’n out with listenin’. ’F the 
minister’s wife had n’t come that day ’n’ 
hadn’t talked as she did, I might ’a’ been 
left less wore out and, as a consequence, have 
told you that night what I ain’t never told 
you yet, for it was strong in my mind then 
’n’ it ’s strong in my mind now, ’n’ bein’ one 
o’ them ’s wastes no words, I ’ll state to you 
at once, Mrs. Lathrop, ’t before Mrs. 
Shores run away — ’n’ after she run away 
too, f’r that matter — I was thinkin’ very 
seriously o’ adoptin’ a baby.” 

‘‘A — ” said Mrs. Lathrop, opening her 
eyes somewhat. 

A baby,” repeated Susan. “ I feel you 
ought to be the first one to know it because, 
’s much ’s I ’m out, you ’ll naturally have 
the care of it the most of the time.” 

Mrs. Lathrop clawed feebly among her 
pieces and seemed somewhat bewildered as 
she clawed. 

Mrs. Shores’ ba — ” she queried. 

Susan screamed. 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


57 


“ Mrs, Lathrop ! '' — she stopped knitting 
so that she might concentrate her entire 
strength into the extreme astonishment which 
she desired to render manifest in those two 
words — “Mrs. Lathrop! — Mel — adopt 
Mrs. Shores' baby ! Adopt the baby of a 
woman as 'd gone off 'n' left it ! " 

Mrs. Lathrop looked deeply apologetic. 

“ I did n't know — " she ventured. 

“Well, you'd ought to of," said Susan, 
“ 'n' if you did n't I 'd never own to it. Such 
a idea never entered my head, 'n' I can't con- 
ceive when nor how it entered yours. Only 
I 'm free to confess to one thing, Mrs. La- 
throp, 'n' that is 't 'f / was give to havin' 
ideas 's senseless 's yours often are, I 'd cer- 
tainly keep my mouth shut 'n' let people 's 
knows more do the talkin'." 

Mrs. Lathrop swallowed the rebuke and 
remained passively overcome by the after- 
clap of her astonishment. 

Susan began to knit again. 

“I wasn't thinkin' o' Mrs. Shores' baby 
'n' I was n't thinkin' o' no baby in particu- 
lar. I never said I was thinkin' of any baby 
— I said I was thinkin' of a baby. I sh’d 
think you could 'a' seen the difference, but 


58 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


even if you can’t see it there is a difference 
just the same. My sakes alive ! it’s a seri- 
ous enough matter decidin’ to adopt some 
one for good ’n’ all without hurryin’ the 
doin’ of it any. If you was ’s rich ’s I be, 
Mrs. Lathrop, you ’d understand that better. 
’N’ if you was ’s rich ’s I be, you might 
not be in no more of a hurry ’n I am. I 
ain’t in a hurry a talL I ain’t in a hurry ’n’ 
I don’t mean to be in a hurry. I ’m only 
jus’ a-gettin’ on towards makin’ up my 
mind.” 

Mrs. Lathrop slowly and meditatively 
drew a piece of sky-blue farmer’s satin from 
her bag and looked at it absent-mindedly. 
Susan twirled her stocking and went on. 

’S long ’s I ’ve begun I may ’s well 
make a clean breast of the whole now. O’ 
course you don’t know nothin’, Mrs. La- 
throp, but, to put the whole thing in a shell, 
this adoptin’ of a child ’s a good deal to 
consider. When a woman ’s married, it ’s 
the Lord’s will ’n’ out o’ the Bible ’n’ to be 
took without no murmurin’ ’s to your own 
feelin’s in the matter. Every one ’s sorry 
for married people, no matter how their 
children turn out, because, good or bad, like 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


59 


enough they done their best, ’n’ if they 
did n’t it was always the other one’s fault ; 
but there ain’t no one goin’ to lay them- 
selves out to try ’n’ smooth my child’s 
thorns into a bed o’ roses for me. Every 
one ’s jus’ goin’ to up ’n’ blame me right 
’n’ left, ’n’ if it has a pug-nose or turns out 
bad I can’t shoulder none of it onto the Lord, 
I ’ll jus’ have the whole c’mmunity sayin’ 
I ’ve got myself ’n’ no one else to thank. 
Now, when you know f’r sure ’t you can’t 
blame nobody else but jus’ yourself, you go 
pretty slow, ’n’ for that very reason I ’m 
thinkin’ this subjeck well over afore I decide. 
There ’s a good many questions to consider, 
— my mind ’s got to be made up whether 
boy or girl ’n’ age ’n’ so forth afore I shall 
open my lips to a livin’ soul.” 

Mrs. Lathrop appeared to be slowly re- 
covering from the effects of her surprise. 

“Would you take a small — ” she asked, 
perhaps with some mental reference to the 
remark that dowered her with the occasional 
charge of the future adopted Clegg. 

“ Well, I d’n’ know. That ’s a very hard 
thing that comes up first of all every time 
’t I begin thinkin’. When most folks set 


60 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


out to adopt a baby, the main idea seems to 
be to try ’n’ get ’em so young ’t they can’t 
never say for sure’s you ain’t their mother.” 

Mrs. Lathrop nodded approval, mute but 
emphatic, of the wisdom of her friend’s 
views. 

‘‘ But I ain’t got none o’ that foolish sort 
o’ notions in me. I would n’t be its mother, 
’n’ ’f there was n’t no one else to tell it so 
Mr. Kimball ’d rejoice to the first time I 
sent it down town alone. It’s nigh to im- 
possible to keep nothin’ in the town with 
Mr. Kimball. A man f’rever talkin’ like 
that ’s bound to tell everythin’ sooner or 
later, ’n’ I never was one to set any great 
store o’ faith on a talker. When I don’t 
want the whole town to know ’t I ’m layin’ 
in rat-poison I buy of Shores, ’n’ when I 
get a new dress I buy o’ Kimball. I don’t 
want my rats talked about ’n’ I don’t mind 
my dress. For which same reason I sh’ll 
make no try ’t foolin’ my baby. I ’ll be 
content if it cooes. I remember Mrs. 
Macy’s sayin’ once ’t a baby was sweetest 
when it cooes, ’n’ I don’t want to miss 
nothin’, ’n’ we ain’t never kep’ doves for me 
to be dead-sick o’ the noise, so I want the 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


61 


cooin’ age. I think it’ll be pleasant cornin’ 
home days to hear the baby cooin’, ’n’ ’f it 
cooes too loud when I ’m away you c’n always 
come over ’n’ see if it ’s rolled anywhere. 
I c’n see that, generally speaking, it’s a wise 
thing that folks jus’ have to take ’em as 
they come, because when it’s all for you to 
choose you want so much ’t like ’s not I 
can’t be suited after all. It’s goin’ to be 
pretty hard decidin’, ’n’ when 1 ’ve done 
decidin’ it ’s goin’ to be pretty hard findin’ 
a baby that’s all ’t I’ve decided; ’n’ then, 
if I find it, — then comes the raisin’ of it, ’n’ 
I espect that ’ll be suthin’ jus’ awful.” 

‘‘How was you goin’ to find — ” Mrs. 
Lathrop asked. 

“Well, I ’ve got to go to town to look 
at winter coats, ’n’ I thought ’t when I ’d 
found what I wanted I ’d jus’ glance through 
two or three orphan asylums afore cornin’ 
home.” 

Mrs. Lathrop pinned the purple to the 
yellow and shut one eye so as to judge of 
the combination from the single standpoint 
of the other. She seemed to be gradually 
regaining her normal state of abnormal 
calmness. 


62 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


‘‘ I thought T your coat was pretty good/' 
she said mildly, as Susan altered her needles. 
The stocking started violently. 

“Pretty good! It's most new. My 
heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, don't you 
know 's well 's I do 't I ain't had my new 
coat but four years 'n' then only to church 1" 

“You said \ you was goin' to get — " 
Mrs. Lathrop remarked, unpinning the 
purple as she spoke and replacing it in the 
bag. 

“ Mrs, Lathrop / 'f you don’t beat anythin' 
't I ever saw for puttin' words 't I never 
even dreamed of into other folks's mouths 1 
'S if I should ever think o’ buyin' a new 
coat 'n' the price-tag not even dirty on the 
inside o' mine yet 1 I never said 't I was 
goin' to buy a coat, — I never thought o' 
goin' to buy a coat, — what I did say was 
't I was goin' to look at coats, an' the reason 
't I 'm goin' to look at coats is because I 'm 
goin' to cut over the sleeves o' mine. I 
thought all last winter 't it was pretty queer 
for a woman 's rich 's I be to wear old-fash- 
ioned sleeves — more particularly so where 
I c'n easy cut a new sleeve crossways out o' 
the puffs o’ the old ones. 'N' that 's why 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 63 

I want to look at coats, Mrs. Lathrop, for 
I ain't in the habit o' settin' my shears in 
where I can't see my way out." 

Mrs. Lathrop fingered a piece of rusty 
black silk and made no comment. 

“When I get done lookin' at coats, lookin' 
't orphans 'll be jus' a nice change. If I see 
any 't I think might suit I 'll take their 
r-^ numbers 'n' come home 'n' see about decidin', 
V — ^ 'n' if I don't see any 't I like I 'll come 
home jus' the same." 

The clock struck nine. Mrs. Lathrop 
rose and gathered up her bag of pieces. 

“ I mus' be goin' home," she said. 

“ I was thinkin' that very same thing," 
said Susan, rising also. “ It 's our thinkin' 
so much the same't keeps us friends, I guess." 

Mrs. Lathrop sought her shawl and 
departed. 


It was about a week later that the trip to 
town took place. The day was chosen to 
suit the opening of a most unprecedented 
Fire-Sale. Miss Clegg thought that the la- 
test styles in coat-sleeves were likely to bloom 
broadcast on so auspicious an occasion, and 


64 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


Mrs. Lathrop herself was sufficiently infected 
by the advertising in the papers to dare to 
intrust her friend with the whole of a two- 
dollar bill to be judiciously invested if bar- 
gains should really run as wildly rife as was 
predicted. 

Susan departed very early and did not get 
back till very late — so late in fact that her 
next-door neighbor had the time to become 
more than a little anxious as to the possibili- 
ties of some mischance having befallen her 
two-dollar bill. 

But towards eight o'clock signs of life 
next door appeared to the anxious watcher 
in the Lathrop kitchen window, and one 
minute later she was on her way across. She 
found the front door, which was commonly 
open, to be uncommonly shut, and was 
forced to rap loudly and wait lengthily ere 
the survivor of the Fire-Sale came to let 
her in. 

Then when the door did open the figure 
which appeared in the opening was such as 
to startle even the phlegmatically disposed 
chewer of clover. 

‘‘ My heavens alive, Susan, whatever is the 
matter with — " 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 65 

Susan backed faintly into the hall so as to 
allow the other to enter. 

“ I 'm worn to a frazzle — that 's all ! ” she 
said weakly and wearily. 

They turned into the parlor, where the 
lamp was burning, and Mrs. Lathrop gave a 
little frightened scream : 

‘‘ Susan ! why, you look half — 

Miss Clegg collapsed at once heavily upon 
the haircloth-covered sofa. 

I guess you ’d better make me some 
tea,” she suggested, and shut her eyes. 

Mrs. Lathrop had no doubt whatever on 
the subject. Hurrying out to the kitchen, 
she brewed a cup of the strongest possible 
tea in the fewest possible moments, and 
brought in to the traveller. The latter 
drank with satisfaction, then leaned back 
with a sigh. 

‘‘ It was a auction ! ” she said in tones 
that gasped. 

Mrs. Lathrop could restrain her anxiety 
no longer. 

‘‘ Did you get anything with my — ” she 
asked. 

“Yes; it’s out in the hall with my 
shawl.” 


5 


66 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


What did — ” 

“ It 's a parrot,” said Susan. 

A parrot ! ” cried Mrs. Lathrop, betray- 
ing as much feeling as it was in her to feel. 

‘‘ Without any head,” Susan added 
wearily. 

Without any head ! ” 

Then Miss Clegg straightened up in her 
seat and opened her eyes. 

‘‘ There ain’t no need o’ bein’ so sur- 
prised,” she said in that peculiar tone with 
which one who has spent another’s money 
always defends his purchase, — “ it ’s a 
stuffed parrot without any head.” 

‘‘ A stuffed parrot without any head ! ” 
Mrs. Lathrop repeated limply, and her tone 
was numb and indescribable. 

‘‘How much did it — ” she asked after 
a minute. 

“ I bid it in for one dollar ’n’ ninety-seven 
cents, — I was awful scared f’r fear it 
would go over your two dollars, an’ it was n’t 
nothin’ that I ’d ever want, so I could n’t ’a’ 
taken it off your hands if it had gone over 
your money.” 

“ I wonder what I can do with it,” her 
neighbor said feebly. 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


67 


“ You must hang it in the window so high 
T the head don't show." 

‘‘ I thought you said it did n't have no 
head." 

Miss Clegg quitted the sofa abruptly and 
came over to her own chair ; the tea appeared 
to be beginning to take effect. 

“It has nt got no head ! If it had a head, 
where would be the sense in bangin' it high 
a tall? It 's your good luck, Mrs. Lathrop, 
't it has n't got no head, for the man said 't 
if it had a head it would 'a' brought four or 
five dollars easy." 

Mrs. Lathrop got up and went out into 
the hall to seek her parrot. When she 
brought it in and examined it by the light 
of the lamp, her expression became more 
than dubious. 

“ What did you get for your — " she asked 
at last. 

“ I did n't get nothin'. I did n't see 
nothin' 't I wanted, 'n' I learned long ago 't 
an auction 's generally a good place f'r buyin' 
things 't you don’t want after you 've bought 
'em. Now take that parrot o' yours! — I 
would n't have him 'f you was to offer him 
to me for a gift ; not to speak o' his not 


68 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


havin’ no head, he looks to me like he had 
moths in him, — you look at him by day- 
light to-morrow ’n’ see if it don’t strike you 
so too.” 

Mrs. Lathrop was silent for a long time. 
Finally she said : 

“ Did you go to the Orphan Asylum ? ” 

“Well — no — I didn’t. I would ’a’ 
gone only I got on the wrong car ’n’ ended 
in a cemetery instead. I had a nice time 
there, though, walkin’ roun’ ’n’ readin’ ages, 
an’ jus’ as I was goin’ out I met a monu- 
ment man ’t had a place right outside the 
gate, ’n’ he took me to look at his things, ’n’ 
then I remembered father — two years dead 
’n’ not a stone on him yet ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop laid the parrot aside with a 
heavy sigh and concentrated all her attention 
upon her friend’s recital. 

“ The man was about ’s pleasant a man ’s 
ever I met. When I told him about father, 
he told me he took a interest in every word, 
whether I bought a monument of him or 
not. He said he ’d show me all he had ’n’ 
welcome ’n’ it was no trouble but a joy. 
Then he took me all through his shop ’n’ the 
shed behind, ’n’ really I never had a nicer 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


69 


time. I see a lamb lyin’ down first, ’n’ I 
thought ’t that would be nice Pr a little, but 
the further back we went the finer they got. 
The man wanted me to take a eagle grippin’ 
a pen ’n’ writin’ father’s name on a book ’t 
he ’s sittin’ on to hold open while he writes. 
I told him ’f I bought any such monument 
I cert’nly would want the name somewhere 
else than up where no one but the eagle could 
read it. He said ’t I could have the name 
below ’n’ let the eagle be writin’ ^ Repose in 
Peace,’ but I told him ’t father died of 
paralysis after bein’ in bed for twenty years 
’n’ that his idea o’ Heaven was n’t reposin’ 
in peace, — he always looked forward to 
walkin’ about ’n’ bein’ pretty lively there. 
Then the man said ’t maybe suthin’ simple 
would be more to my taste, ’n’ he took me to 
where there was a pillow with a wreath of 
roses on it, but — my gracious, I ’d never be 
so mean ’s to put a pillow anywhere near 
father after all them years in bed, ’n’ as to 
the roses they ’d be jus’ ’s bad or worse, for 
you know yourself how they give him hay- 
fever so ’s we had to dig up all the bushes 
years ago. 

“ But I ’ll tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, what 


70 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


I did see that nobody on the wide earth c'd 
help wishin’ was on top o' their grave the 
minute they laid eyes on it. It's a lion — 
a weepin' lion — kind o' tryin' to wipe his 
eyes with one paw. I tell you I never saw 
nothin’ one quarter so handsome over no one 
yet, 'n* if I was n't thinkin’ o' adoptin' a 
child I 'd never rest until I 'd set that lion on 
top of father. But o' course, as it is, I can’t 
even think how it might look there ; the 
livin' has rights over the dead, 'n' my child 
can't go without the necessaries of life while 
my father gets a weepin' lion 't when you 
come right square down to it he ain't got no 
more use for 'n' a cat has for two tails. No, 
I 'm a rich woman, but all incomes has their 
outside fence. 'F a man 's got a million a 
year, he can't spend two million, 'n' I can’t 
start in child raisin' 'n' tombstone father all 
in the same year. Father 'll have to wait, 
'n' he got so used to it while he was alive 't 
he ought not to mind it much now he 's 
dead. But I give the man my address, 'n' 
he give me one o’ his cards, 'n' when I go to 
the Orphan Asylum I may go back 'n' see 
him, an' maybe if I tell him about the baby 
he 'll reduce the lion some. The lion is 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


71 


awful high — strikes me. He ’s three hun- 
derd dollars,'but the man says that 's because 
his tail ’s out o’ the same block. I asked 
him if he could n’t take the tail off, but he 
said ’t that would hurt his reputation. He 
said ’f I ’d go up the ladder to his second 
floor ’n’ look down on the lion I ’d never 
talk about sawin’ off his tail, ’n’ he said ’t 
anyhow cuttin’ it off would only make it cost 
more because it was cut on in the first place. 
I saw the sense o’ that, ’n’ I remembered, 
too, ’t even ’f folks in the cemetery never 
can see the tail, father ’ll have to look at it 
from higher up ’n the ladder to the monu- 
ment man’s shed, ’n’ I don’t want him to 
think ’t I economized on the tail of his 
tombstone. I tell you what, Mrs. Lathrop, 
I cert’nly do want that lion, but I can’t have 
it, so I ’ve decided not to think of it again. 
The man c’d see I wanted it, ’n’ I c’d see ’t 
he really wanted me to have it. He felt 
so kind o’ sorry for me ’t he said he ’d do 
me a weepin’ fox for one hunderd ’n’ fifty, 
if I wanted it, but I did n’t want no fox. 
Father did n’t have nothin’ like a fox — 
his nose was broad ’n’ kind o’ flat. He 
had n’t nothin’ like a lion, neither, but I ’d 


72 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


like to have the only lion in the cemetery 
ours.” 

Mrs. Lathrop nodded her head sympa- 
thetically. 

Miss Clegg sighed and looked pensive for 
a moment, but it was soon over. 

“’N’ I’ve decided about my child too,” 
she continued briskly, — “I ’ve decided to 
have a boy. I decided goin’ in on the train 
to-day. I ’d been sorter thinkin’ that I ’d 
leave it to chance, but ordinary folks can’t do 
no more ’n’ that, ’n’ where ’s the good o’ me 
bein’ so open ’n’ above-board ’f I dunno 
whether it ’ll be a boy or girl, after all ? I 
might ’s well ’s married the minister, ’n’ 
Lord knows Mrs. Shores’s troubles ought to 
be warnin’ enough to no woman in this com- 
munity not to marry no man, f’r one while, 
at any rate. If Mrs. Shores had n’t married 
Mr. Shores, she c’d easy ’a’ married his clerk 
when she fell in love with him. No woman 
that ’s goin’ to fall in love ever ought to 
begin by marryin’ another man first. It 
mixes everythin’ all up. But Mrs. Shores 
was a fool or she never would ’a’ married 
him to begin with. I told him that the first 
time ’t I see him after she was gone. I 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


73 


thought T if it was any comfort to him to 
know that there was one person in the com- 
munity ’t looked on his wife as a fool he was 
welcome to the knowin^. So I told him, *n 
I used those very self-same words too, — 
’n’ I cerPnly did ache to tell him that he was 
jus* big a fool himself to 'a* ever married 
her, but I did n’t think ’t that would be jus’ 
polite. 

“ But all that was right in the first of it — 
before she took the baby. I ’m free to con- 
fess ’t 1 think he c’d ’a’ stood anythin’ ’f 
she had n’t took the baby. It was the baby 
as used him all up. ’N’ that seems kind o’ 
queer too, for seems to me, ’f my wife run 
away, I ’d be glad to make a clean sweep 
o’ her ’n’ hers ’n’ begin all afresh ; I ’d 
never have no injunctions ’n’ detectives 
drawin’ wages for chasin’ no wife ’n’ baby ’t 
left o’ their own accord. But that ’s jus’ 
like a man, ’n’ I must say *t I ’m dead glad 
’t no man ain’t goin’ to have no right to in- 
terfere with my child. I c’n take it ’n’ go 
anywhere ’t I please* ’n’ never be afraid o’ 
any subpenny cornin’ down on me. ’S far ’s 
I ’m concerned, I only wish ’t she ’d send 
back ’n’ abduct him too, ’n’ then the com- 


74 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


munity *d have some peace on the Shores 
subjeck. There ain’t nothin’ left to say, ’n’ 
every one keeps sayin’ it over ’n’ over from 
dawn to dark. I must say, Mrs. Lathrop, 
’t when I c’nsider how much folks still find 
to say o’ Mrs. Shores ’n’ it all, I ’m more ’n 
proud that I ain’t never been one to say 
nothin’ a tall'' 

Mrs. Lathrop did not speak for some 
time. Then she took up her parrot again 
and looked thoughtfully at its feet. 

“ What made you decide on a b — ” she 
asked at last. 

‘‘ I did n’t decide. I c’u’d n’t decide, ’n’ 
so I shook a nickel for heads ’n’ tails.” 

’N’ it came a boy.” 

‘‘ No, it came a girl, ’n’ the minute ’t I see 
’t it was a girl I knew ’t I ’d wanted a boy 
all along, so, ’s the good o’ me bein’ free 
to act ’s I please is ’t I do act ’s I please, I 
decided then ’n’ there on a boy.” 

Mrs. Lathrop turned the parrot over. 

“’F you was so set on a boy, why did 
you — ” 

“What do folks ever toss up for? To 
decide. Tossin’ up always shows you jus’ 
how much you did n’t want what you get. 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


75 


Only, as a general thing, there 's some one 
else who does want it, an’ they grab it ’n’ you 
go empty-handed. The good o’ me tossin’ 
is I c’n always take either side o’ the nickel 
after I ’ve tossed. 1 ain’t nobody’s fool — 
’n’ I never was — ’n’ I never will be. But I 
guess I ’ve got to ask you to go home now, 
Mrs. Lathrop. I ’ve had a hard day ’n’ I ’m 
’most too tired to pay attention to what 
you say any longer. I want to get to bed 
’n’ to sleep, ’n’ then to-morrow maybe I ’ll 
feel like talkin’ myself.” 


The third morning after Miss Clegg’s trip 
to town she astonished her neighbor by tap- 
ping on the latter’s kitchen window at the 
early hour of seven in the morning. Mrs. 
Lathrop was getting breakfast, and her sur- 
prise caused her to jump unduly. 

Well, Susan r" she said, opening the 
door, ‘^what ever is the — ” 

Matter ! Nothin’ ain’t the matter, only 
I ’ve had a letter from the monument man. 
It come last night, ’n’ the minister took it 
out o’ the ^post-office ’n’ sent it over by little 
’Liza Em’ly when she come with the milk 


76 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


this mornin*. I dunno whether to thank 
the minister for bein’ so kind or whether to 
ask him to mind his own business. It’s 
got ‘ Important’ on the corner, ’n’ sometimes 
I don’t go to the post-office for two days at 
a time, but jus’ the same it strikes me ’t I 
ain’t altogether in favor o’ the minister’s 
carryin’ my mail home with him any time he 
feels so inclined. If I’d ’a’ married him, I 
never ’d ’a’ allowed him to interfere with my 
affairs, ’n’ ’s long ’s I did n’t marry him I 
don’t see no good reason for his doin’ so 
now.” 

Susan paused and looked at the letter 
which she held in her hand. Mrs. Lathrop 
slid one of the kitchen chairs up behind 
her, and she sat down, still looking at the 
letter. 

“ It’s from the monument man,” she said 
again, ’n’ I don’t know what ever I shall 
do about it, I ’m sure.” 

Mrs. Lathrop was all attention. 

‘Mt’s about the lion. He says ’t he ’s 
been ’n’ took some black chalk ’n’ marked 
around under him ‘ Sacred to the memory 
of Blank Clegg,’ ’n’ he says *t it looks so 
noble ’t he ’s had an offer for the monument 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


77 


he wants me to come in ’n’ see it afore 
he sells it to — to some one else.” 

There was a short silence, broken at last 
by Mrs. Lathrop. 

“Your father’s name wa’n’t ‘ Blank,’ ” she 
said ; “ it was ‘ Henry.’ ” 

Susan knit her brows. 

“ I know, ’n’ that ’s one thing ’t ’s been 
troublin’ me. It’s written out in good 
plain letters — ‘ Blank Clegg ’ — ’n’ I ’ve 
been tryin’ ’n’ tryin’ to think what I could 
’a’ said to ’a’ made him suppose ’t it could 
’a* been ‘ Blank.’ That ’d be the last name 
in the wide world for anybody to name any- 
body else, 1 sh’d suppose, ’n’ I can’t see 
for the life o’ me why that monument man 
sh’d ’a’ hit on it for father. I ’m cert’nly 
mighty glad that he ’s only marked it on in 
black chalk ’n’ not chopped it out o’ the 
bottom o’ the lion. O’ course ’f he ’d 
chopped it out I ’d ’a’ had to ’a’ taken it 
an’ it ’d jus’ made me the laughin’-stock o’ 
the whole community. I know lots o’ folks 
’t are plenty mean enough ’s to say ’t that 
lion was weepin’ because I did n’t know my 
own father’s name.” 

Mrs. Lathrop looked sober. 


78 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


‘‘ So I guess 1 Ve got to go to town by 
to-day’s ten o’clock. I ain’t no intention o’ 
takin’ the lion, but I shall like to stand off a 
little ways ’n’ look at the part o’ the name 
’t ’s spelt right. Later maybe I ’ll visit a 
few asylums — I ain’t sure. But anyway I 
thought I ’d jus’ run over ’n’ let you know 
’t I was goin’, ’n’ ask you if there ’s anythin’ 
’t I can get f’r you while I ’m in town.” 

‘‘No, there isn’t,” said Mrs. Lathrop 
with great firmness. 

Susan rose to go. 

“ I ’m thinkin’ o’ buyin’ the Shores baby 
outfit,” she said. “ 1 guess Mr. Shores’ll be 
glad to sell it cheap. They say ’t he can’t 
bear to be reminded o’ the baby, ’n’ I don’t 
well see what else the crib ’n’ the baby car- 
riage can remind him of.” 

“ I wonder if the sewing-machine reminds 
him o’ Mrs. Shores,” said Mrs. Lathrop. 
“ I ’d be glad to buy it if it did ’n’ ’f he was 
wantin’ to sell it cheap.” 

“ I dunno why it sh’d remind him o’ Mrs. 
Shores,” said Susan ; “ she never sewed on it 
none. She never did nothin’ ’s far ’s I c’d 
make out except to sit on the front porch 
’n’ talk to his clerk. My, but I sh’d 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOFFED 


79 


think he 'd hate the sight o’ that front porch. 
If it c’d be got off, I ’d like to buy that of 
him too. My front porch ’s awful old ’n’ 
shaky ’n’ I ’ll need a good porch to wheel 
baby on. He c’d take my porch in part 
payment. It’s bein’ so old ’n’ shaky wouldn’t 
matter to him I don’t suppose, for I ’ll bet 
a dollar he ’ll never let no other wife o’ his 
sit out on no porch o’ his, not ’ntil after he ’s 
dead ’n’ buried anyway ; ’n’ as for sittin’ 
on a porch himself, well, all is I know ’t if 
it was me it ’d scorch my rockers.” 

What time do you think ’t you ’ll get 
back ? ” asked Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ I ain’t sure. ’F I should get real inter- 
ested huntin’ orphans, I might stay until it 
was too dark to see ’em good. I can’t tell 
nothin’ about it, though. You ’d better watch 
for the light in the kitchen, ’n’ when you see 
it burnin’ I wish ’t you’d come right over.” 

Mrs. Lathrop agreed to this arrangement, 
and Miss Clegg went home to get ready for 
town. 


She returned about five o’clock, and the 
mere general aspect of her approaching figure 


80 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


betokened some doing or doings so well 
worthy of neighborly interest that Mrs. La- 
throp left her bread in the oven and flew to 
satisfy her curiosity. 

She found her friend warming her feet by 
the kitchen stove, and one look at her radi- 
ant countenance sufficed. 

“ You found a baby ! ” 

Susan upraised supremely joyful eyes. 

‘‘ No,’* she replied, but I ’ve bought the 
weepin’ lion ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop sat suddenly down. 

“ You never saw anythin’ so grand in all 
your life ! He rubbed the ‘ Blank ’ ofl* with 
a wet cloth ’n’ wrote in the ‘ Henry ’ with 
me standin’ right there. I never see any- 
thin’ that went right through me that way 
before. Puttin’ on ‘ Henry ’ seemed to bring 
the lion right into the family, an’ — well, you 
can believe me or not jus’ as you please, 
Mrs. Lathrop, but I up ’n’ begin to cry 
right then ’n’ there. The monument man 
made me sit down on a uncut block ’n’ lean 
my back up against a No-Cross-no-Crown, 
’n’ while I sat there he chalked in father’s 
birth ’n’ death ’n’ ‘ Erected by his devoted 
daughter Susan,’ ’n’ at that I stood right up 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


81 


’n’ said T I *d take it, 'n' it was n’t no hasty 
decision, neither, Pr after I ’d made up my 
mind 1 couldn’t see no good reason for 
continuin’ to sit there ’n’ draw frost out o’ 
granite ’n’ into my shoulder-blades jus’ for 
the looks o’ the thing.” 

“ But about the ba — ” said Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ Oh, the baby ’ll have to go. I told you 
all along ’t it had to be one or t’ other an’ in 
the end it ’s the lion as has come out on 
top. I guess I was n’t cut out to be a 
mother like I was a daughter. I know ’t I 
never wanted a baby for myself half like 
I ’ve wanted that lion for my dead ’n’ gone 
father. Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, I do 
believe ’t I had a persentiment the first time 
I ever see that lion. Suthin’ sort o’ crep’ 
right up my back, ’n’ I ’m jus’ sure ’t folks 
’ll come from miles roun’ to see it. I guess 
it ’s the Finger o’ Fate. When you come 
to think o’ it, it ’s all for the best jus’ the 
way ’t it ’s come out. The baby ’d ’a’ 
grown up an’ gone off somewhere, an’ the 
lion ’ll stay right where you put him, for 
he ’s so heavy that the monument man says 
we ’ll have to drive piles all down aroun’ 
father. Then, too, maybe I could n’t ’a’ 
6 


82 


MISS CLEGG’S ADOPTED 


managed a boy an’ I can scour that lion all 
I want to. ’N’ 1 will scour him too, — no- 
body need n’t suppose ’t I ’ve paid three 
hunderd dollars f’r anythin’ to let it get 
mossy. I ’ve invited the monument man 
’n’ his wife to come ’n’ visit me while he ’s 
gettin’ the lion in place, ’n’ he says he ’s so 
pleased over me ’n’ nobody else gettin’ it ’t 
he ’s goin’ to give me a paper sayin’ ’t when I 
die he ’ll chop my date in f’r nothin’. I tell 
you what, Mrs. Lathrop, I certainly am 
glad ’t I ’ve got the sense to know when I ’m 
well oif, ’n’ I cert’nly do feel that in this 
particular case I ’m mighty lucky. So all ’s 
well ’t ends well.” 

Mrs. Lathrop nodded. 


Ill 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 

J ATHROP LATHROP was just the 
style and build of young man to be easily 
persuaded into taking a kicking cow in full 
payment of a good debt. Jathrop having 
taken the cow, it naturally fell to the lot of 
his mother to milk her. The reader can 
quickly divine what event formed the third 
of these easily to be foreseen developments 
of the most eventful day in the life of the 
cow’s new proprietor. The kicking cow 
kicked Jathrop Lathrop’s mother, not out 
of any especial antipathy towards that most 
innocuous lady, but just because it was of 
a kicking nature and Mrs. Lathrop was 
temptingly kickable. The sad part of the 
matter was that Mrs. Lathrop was not only 
kickable but breakable as well. It followed 
that at twelve o’clock that noon Miss Clegg, 
returning from a hasty trip to the city, was 
83 


84 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


greeted at the depot by the sad tidings, and 
it was not until various of the town folk had 
finished their versions of the disaster that 
she was at last allowed to hasten to the bed- 
side of her dear friend, whom she found not 
only in great bodily distress but also already 
cast in plaster. 

Miss Clegg's attitude as she stood in the 
doorway was one of blended commiseration 
and disgust. 

“ Well, I never would 'a* believed it o' 
Jathrop ! " she burst forth at last. 

“'T wa'n't Jathrop," Mrs. Lathrop pro- 
tested feebly ; it was the — " 

“ 1 know, but the cow never come of her 
own free will, 'n' it strikes me 't Jathrop 's 
the one to blame. I never was so done up 
in my life 's I was when I hear this about 
you. You kin believe me or not jus' 's you 
please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I was so nigh to 
struck dead 't I stopped short with one leg 
on the station 'n' the other on the train. It 
was Johnny 's dodged out o' the ticket- 
office to tell me the minute the train 
stopped, 'n' I d'n' know but I 'd be there 
yet — f r I was clean struck all in a heap — 
only a man jus' behind jammed me with a 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 85 


case o’ beer ’t he was bringin’ home. To 
think ’s I see you goin’ to the barn jus’ ’s 
I was lookin’ Pr a place to hide my keys 
afore leavin’, ’n’ then to think ’s them was 
your last legs ’n’ you usin’ ’em ’s innocent 
’s a grasshopper on a May mornin’ ! — I tell 
you I was so used up I thought some o’ 
askin’ to be druv up here, but Johnny 
did n’t have no time to give pertickilers 
’cause the telegraph begin to work jus’ at that 
very minute ’n’ he had to dodge back to see 
what they wanted to tick him about, so I see 
’t the wisest thing was to walk up ’n’ find 
out f’r myself. Besides, you c’n understand 
’t if you was beyond hope I ’d be nothin’ 
but foolish to pay a quarter to get to you 
in a hurry, ’n’ I never was one to be foolish 
nor yet to waste quarters, ’n’ so I come 
along through town, ’n’ as a consequence I 
guess ’t I know ’s much ’s you know your- 
self now.” 

Mrs. Lathrop looking duly inquisitive for 
details of her own accident. Miss Clegg ad- 
vanced forthwith upon a seat and occupied 
it before beginning. 

“ I see Mrs. Macy first, ’n’ she told me 
all as to how it happened. She says you 


86 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


turned two back somersaults 'n’ just missed 
squashin’ the cat, ’n* ’t young Dr. Brown 
told her 't if he had n’t been so busy plantin’ 
his garden to-day he certainly would ’a’ felt 
’t it ’d ’a’ been nothin’ but right to diagnose 
you all over. Mrs. Macy says she ain’t 
none too over-pleased ’t the way he spoke, 
for, to her order o’ thinkin’, you had a 
pretty serious kick ’n’ you ’d ought to realize 
it. She wanted me to ask you ’f he had you 
hang to the head-board while he give your 
leg a good hard jerk, ’cause she says ’t that ’s 
the only real safe way to make all the bones 
come back into place ; she says ’f you ain’t 
shattered you ’re bound to come straight per- 
vided the doctor jerks hard enough. She 
says they did her lame leg that way over 
thirty years ago, ’n’ she says ’t, sittin’ 
down ’n’ side by side, she ’d bet anything 
’t the minister ’n’ all the deacons could n’t 
pick out one from t’ other. She says all her 
trouble comes when she walks. Nights ’n’ 
rockin’ she ’d never know she was lame her- 
self.” 

Mrs. Lathrop looked slightly distressed. 

‘‘ Gran’ma Mullins come up while we was 
talkin’, ’n’ she ’s terrible upset over you. 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 87 


She never had no lameness, she says ; her 
trouble 's all in her ribs, — them ribs 't go 
from under your arms down. But she wants 
to know if you was put in plaster, 'n* she 
said Pr me to ask right off.” 

“ Yes ; I — ” replied Mrs. Lathrop. 

Oh ! ” Susan's face darkened. ‘‘ I de- 
clare, that's too bad. 'N' young Dr. Brown 
's gone now too. I see him 'n' Amelia drivin' 
out towards the Sperrits' while I was in the 
square. Well, if it 's on, it 's on, 'n' the Lord 
be with you, Mrs. Lathrop, f 'r 'f Gran'ma 
Mullins says truth, no one else c'n help you 
now. You see, she told Mrs. Macy 'n' me 
what plaster is. It 's eatin', that 's what it is. 
Plaster 'll eat anythin' right up, hide, hair, 
'n' all. She says don't you know how, 
when you smell a dead rat in the wall, you 
throw some plaster in on him, 'n' after a 
while you don't smell no more rat 'cause 
there ain't no more rat there to smell ; the 
plaster 's eat him all up. She says you may 
laugh 'f you feel so inclined, but there ain't 
no such big difference between your leg 'n' 
a dead rat but what it 'll pay you to mark 
her words. She says 'f it don't do no more 
'n eat the skin off it 'll still be pretty hard 


88 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


for you to lay there without no skin ’n* 
feel the plaster goin' in more 'n' more. 
She says ’t we all wish him well, 'n’ yet no 
one in their right mind c’n deny as young 
Dr. Brown is n’t old Dr. Carter, ’n’ no 
amount o’ well wishin’ c’n ever make him 
so. She says ’f she was you she ’d never 
rest till old Dr. Carter ’d looked into that 
leg, f’r a leg is a leg, ’n’ it says in the 
Bible ’t if you lose your salt what ’ll you 
salt with.” 

Mrs. Lathrop’s distress deepened visibly. 

“ I tell you I was more ’n a little troubled 
over her words. Gran’ma Mullins ain’t one 
to make up nothin’, ’n’ I know myself ’t 
that ’s true about the plaster. I ’ve eat up 
rats that way time ’n’ again, — mice too, 
r r that matter. It ’d be an awful thing f’r 
you to lay there peaceful ’n’ happy till it 
come time f’r him to unwrap your leg ’n’ 
then when he unwrapped have him find no 
leg in the centre. Nothin’ ’t he could say 
would help any — there you ’d be one leg gone 
forever. ’F it was your foot, it ’d all be dif- 
ferent, Pr you could hop around right spry 
with a false foot, but I d’n’ know what good 
your foot ’ll do you with the leg in between 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 89 


gone. I never hear o' no real foot on a 
false leg, 'n' 'f I was you, I certainly would n't 
want to lay wonderin' 'f I still had two legs 
f'r six weeks." 

Six weeks ! " cried Mrs. Lathrop, with a 
start that collapsed at once into a groan ; 
must I lay — " 

Gran'ma Mullins says," pursued Susan, 
‘‘ 't the reason she knows so much about it 
all is 't she had a cousin with a broken leg 
once. It wa'n't no cow 's kicked him, jus' 
he was give to meditatin', 'n' while meditatin' 
durin' house-cleanin' he stepped down the 
wrong side o' the step-ladder. She says the 
doctor didn't so much's dream o' plasterin' 
him up, he put splints on him, 'n' he come 
out fine, but she says he was suthin' jus' awful 
to take care of. They thought they could n't 
stand it the first weeks he was so terrible 
cross, but then his bones begin to knit, 'n' 
she says she hopes she may fall dead then 
'n' there 'f she ever hear anythin' to equal 
that leg-knittin'. She said they was livin' so 
far out 't they could feel to leave him 'n' go 
to church Sunday, 'n' she says when they 
was cornin' back they could hear him knit- 
tin' a good half-mile away." 


90 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


‘‘Dear, dear — ” commented Mrs. La- 
throp, giving a heave of unrest. 

“ Can you feel your leg now ? ” Susan in- 
quired. 

“Yes; I — ’’ 

“ Then it ’s all right so far, but, my ! 
you mustn't begin gettin’ restless this soon. 
You ain't been kicked six hours yet, 'n* 
you Ve got to lay that same way Pr six 
weeks. After a while it'll be pretty bad, 1 
expeck, but you ain't got nothin' to complain 
of to-day. I see the minister just after I 
left Mrs. Macy, 'n' he said you must say to 
yourself, ‘ Sufficient unto the day is the evil 
thereof 'n' get along the best you can. I 
c'd see he was some put out over your 
gettin' a cow, f'r he c'd n't but understand 
't with a cow over the fence I was n't goin' 
to be takin' milk from over the crick. He 
said 't your bein' kicked was a judgment 
'n' the sins o' the parents should be visited 
on the children even unto the third 'n' 
fourth generation. I did n't know whose 
sins he was meanin', the cow's or Jathrop's, 
but I did n't ask. I guess we 'd ought to 
make allowances f'r the minister, — he ain't 
seemed to ever be able to bear up under 


JATHROP LATHROP’S COW 91 


them twins. He was pushin' 'em in the 
carriage to-day 'n' drawin' little Jane after 
him in a express wagon. I asked him how 
his wife was, 'n' he said she 's doin' nicely, 
only she can't decide what to name the baby. 
He walked with me a piece; it seemed to do 
him good to speak out frank 'n' open, 'n' I 
guess he sees more 'n' more what a mistake 
he's made; he couldn't but see it, I sh'd 
suppose, f'r his wife 's had four children 
in three years, 'n' I did n't even adopt 
one. It's that four-in-three-years business 
't seems to 'a' used him up the most. He 
says he never even had a idea 't it could be 
done. He says his first wife was so different, 
'n' he says it 's just been shock after shock, 
'n' two shocks when the twins come. Little 
Jane caught her dress in a wheel while we 
was talkin', 'n' we had to turn her 'n' the 
express-wagon both upside down 't once 
afore we could unwind it, 'n* while we was 
doin' that, one o' the twins fell out o' the 
carriage. The minister says he don't thank 
no man to tr’k race-suicide when he's aroun' ; 
he says his blood runs cold to think what 
his family 'll be at his silver weddin'. I 
tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, I will own 't I 've 


92 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


always felt some sore at the minister on 
account o' his not marryin’ me, but 'f I ever 
desired any species o' revenge I certainly 'd 
be hard to please 'f I didn't get it to-day 
when I see him with twins ahead 'n' little 
Jane behind 'n' nine at home." 

Mrs. Lathrop sighed. 

“That reminds me o' what I come over 
to ask you," said Susan. “Have you had 
any dinner?" 

«No; I—" 

“ Then I 'll fix you some when I cook 
mine. I c'n call Jathrop 'n' have him bring 
it over when it 's ready. I see him in the 
yard when I come by ; he was peekin' in at 
the cow. I ain’t never had no great opinion 
o' Jathrop, but I guess he c'n carry a tray. 
'N' now afore I leave you, Mrs. Lathrop, I 
will say jus' once more 's my advice is f'r you 
to keep a sharp eye on your leg, 'n' if it feels 
anyway like you can't feel nothin' I 'd have 
that plaster off in a jiffy. How's it put 
on? Round 'n' roun'?" 

‘^He 's sent for the windin'," said Mrs. 
Lathrop weakly ; “ it 's jus' got some plaster 
'n' a long piece o' tore sheet." 

Susan moved towards the door. 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 93 


‘‘ It beats me what ever made you go near 
the hind end o’ that cow for/’ she remarked, 
pausing on the threshold. “ Don’t you 
know as it ’s the hind end ’s always does the 
kickin’ ? The front end can’t do nothin* — 
’nless it gores. Does she gore ? ” 

“ Oh, I d’n’ know,” wailed poor Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

“ I ’m goin’,” said Miss Clegg, turning 
her back as she spoke. You jus’ lay still 
now ’n’ think o’ pleasant things. Nothin’ 
else can’t happen to you ’nless the house 
catches fire.” 

Then she went out and away. 


It was late in the afternoon that Susan 
entered next door on her second visitation 
of mercy. 

Did you like your dinner ? ” she inquired, 
as she brought a rocker to where it would 
command a fine view of the bed and its 
occupant. 

“ Dinner ! I ain’t had no — ” 

Miss Clegg screamed. 

‘‘ Ain’t had no dinner ! Why, I give it 
to Jathrop with my own hands. Everythin’ 


94 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


hot, 'n’ the whole tucked up nice in the cloth 
’t I put over the bird-cage nights. I made 
the tea awful strong so *s to keep up your 
strength, 'n' there was a scramble o’ eggs, ’n’ 
one was fresh, I know. Whatever c’n he 
have done with it, do you suppose ? ” 

Maybe he ate — ” Mrs. Lathrop began. 

Her friend chopped her off with a second 
scream. 

“ Ate it ! — Jathrop Lathrop ! — Do you 
mean to tell me ’t I Ve been stewin’ myself 
to feed Jathrop Lathrop! ’N’ that good 
egg too. ’N’ all my tea. I declare, but 
I am aggravated. The fire ’s out now ’n’ 
everythin’ ’s put away or I ’d go ’n’ cook you 
suthin’ else, but I ’d never trust that young 
man to carry it over.” 

I ain’t hun — ” said Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ It ’s certainly your good luck ’f you 
ain’t. But to think o’ him havin’ the face 
to eat up your dinner 1 But he ’s got the 
face P r anythin’. ’F it was n’t f r hurtin’ 
your feelin’s, Mrs. Lathrop, I ’d jus’ up ’n’ 
tell you ’t, to my order o’ thinkin’, 
Jathrop always did look more like a frog ’n 
he did like his own father, ’n’ I ’ll take my 
Bible oath ’t I ’ve told Mrs. Macy that a 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 95 


hunderd times. She says 't he ain’t active 
enough to remind her o’ no frog, but she 
always owns up ’t his eyes ’n’ mouth is like 
one. ’F I was talkin’ to any one but you, 
I ’d say, spot him with green ’n’ he could 
make you a nice livin’ alongside o’ the dog- 
faced boy in a Dime Museum, — ’n’ never 
need to move. As a family, you ain’t very 
lively anyhow, ’n’ I ain’t much surprised ’t 
the cow ’s gettin’ out o’ patience. She ’s 
been trampin’ aroun’ ’n’ mooin’ a lot this 
last hour. The minister was walkin’ by with 
six o’ the childern, ’n’ the childern come ’n’ 
asked ’f they could see the cow ’t kicked 
you. I did n’t see no good reason why not, 
so we boosted ’em all up so ’s they ’d have a 
good view o’ her through the little window. 
The minister quoted ‘ Wild bulls o’ Bashan ’ 
’n’ ^ Muzzle not the ox ’t treadeth out the 
corn,’ ’n’ I felt like askin’ him ’f he did n’t 
know a cow when he see one. She looked 
cross enough for any Bible talk, though, ’n’ 
Rachel Rebecca was awful scared ’n’ they all 
begin to cry. I took ’em into my kitchen 
’n’ give ’em a cooky apiece, ’n’ that smoothed 
’em out. The minister was real pleased ; 
he quoted ‘ Even as ye did it unto the least 


96 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


o* these, ye did it unto me/ so I took the 
hint 'n’ give him a cooky too. They was 
goin' up to Mrs. Brown's to tea. I must 
say she 's pretty good to have six o' 'em all 
to once." 

Mrs. Lathrop twisted wearily. 

‘‘ C'n you feel your leg ? " her friend asked 
anxiously. 

“ Yes, I c'n feel — " 

Mrs. Macy was up this afternoon. She 
says she 's more 'n' more worried over you. 
She says it is n't as she don't wish young Dr. 
Brown well, 'n' she 's intendin' to call him in 
sometime herself when she knows jus' what 's 
the matter with her 'n' jus' what she 'd ought 
to take for it, but she says 't in your circum- 
stances there ain't a mite o' doubt but what 
you 'd ought to have old Dr. Carter 's fast 
's he could be raked over here from Mead- 
ville. She says legs is scarce birds, 'n' you 
can't go lavishin' one on every young man 's 
is anxious to build up a practice on you. 
She says how do you know 's it 's a clean 
break 's you 've got there anyhow? Maybe 
it 's a fracture. A fracture 's when the bone 
splinters all to pieces 'n' fans out every way 
inside o' your leg. O' course young Dr. 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 97 


Brown ain't got beyond clean breaks yet, 'n* 
if you 're splintered in place o' bein' clean 
you don't want him to learn the difference at 
your cost. If you lose your leg, Mrs. 
Lathrop, it certainly will be a awful thing for 
you. A woman can't ever say 's she was a 
brakeman or in the war, 'n' them 's the only 
good excuses 's can be give. Then, too, if 
you have a wooden leg 'n' the wind catches 
you at it, it 'll take you in a way 's 'll make 
you look more like a scarecrow 'n a 
Christian. Mrs. Macy says 't she was 
speakin' to Mr. Kimball about you, 'n' he 
was nigh to serious f’r once in his life. She 
says he says 't they take the hair off o' 
horse-hides with plaster 'n' that wooden legs 
is very hard to get comfortable. I s'pose 
the long 'n' short of it would be 't I 'd have 
to come over every mornin' 'n' hook it on 
to you, — 'f it was left to Jathrop he'd 
probably have you half o' the time with your 
toes pointin' back 'n' your heel in front. 
C'n you feel it now ? " 

« Yes; 1 — '’ 

“ Then it 's still there, but. Lord ! how 
that cow does kick 'n' pull 'n' moo ! Why 
don't Jathrop do suthin' to her? She 'd 

7 


98 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 

ought to be tended to. When you come 
right square down to it, she ain’t no more 
to blame f’r kickin’ you ’n’ he is f’r lookin’ 
like a frog. They was each made so. But 
even then she ’d ought to be milked jus’ 
the same, ’n’ Jathrop ’d ought to be settin’ 
at it.” 

“ I don’t want — ” 

‘‘ It’s got to be him or me or the butcher, 
’n’ I must say I don’t see no good ’n’ suf- 
ficient reason why it should be me. I did n’t 
have Jathrop, nor yet the cow, ’n’ I don’t 
see why I sh’d lay myself open to bein’ 
snapped off anywhere, jus’ because your son 
’s half a fool — the head half.” 

Mrs. Lathrop groaned. 

“ Now there ain’t no use in thaty^ said 
Susan firmly; “ lots o’ things might be worse 
’n they are. She might ’a’ broken both 
your legs, or she may break both his 
when he tries to milk her to-night. You 
must look on the bright side, Mrs. Lathrop, 
’n’ not twist aroun’ like you ’d been in bed 
four weeks ’n’ only had two more ahead o’ 
you. The whole six is ahead now, ’n’ instid 
o’ wrigglin’ ’n’ sighin’, you ’d ought to think 
how good it is as I ’m here to take care o’ 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 99 


you. I must say ’t, to my order o’ thinkin’, 
your leg is goin’ to be pretty nigh ’s hard 
on me ’s on you. ’F I can’t trust Jathrop 
to so much ’s carry a tray after I ’ve been 
to all the bother o’ cookin’ it, it stands to 
reason ’s I must be kitin’ with ’em all day 
long. I ’m very friendly with you, Mrs. La- 
throp, ’n’ whether single or two-legged I ’d 
never but wish you well ; still, \ am rich 
woman, ’n’ bein’ a rich woman, it does seem 
kind o’ hard for me to have to slave back ’n’ 
forth over the fence for six weeks ; but, such 
bein’ the case, it strikes me ’t, of us two, 
you certainly ain’t the one ’s ’d ought to be 
doin’ the groanin’.” 

Mrs. Lathrop appeared contrite and 
dumb. 

I guess I ’ll go ’n’ get supper now,” said 
her visitor, rising ; “when it ’s got I ’ll bring 
you over some. I ain’t goin’ to trust Ja- 
throp with nothin’ again, I know. To 
think o’ his eatin’ your dinner ! I must say, 
Mrs. Lathrop, ’t if you was cut out to be a 
mother, it certainly seems a pity ’t you never 
got beyond Jathrop, for no one ’s ever see 
him could believe it of you. However, I 
don’t suppose ’s any one in their senses 
LofC. 


100 JATPIROP LATHROFS COW 


could blame you Pr stoppin’ right off short 
when you see what you ’d gone *n done the 
first time.’' 

Mrs. Lathrop made no attempt to reply. 
Miss Clegg left the room, and returned not 
until she came with the supper. 

‘‘ I did n’t see Jathrop nowhere,” she an- 
nounced as she entered, “ but the cow ’s 
goin’ on jus’ awful.” 

“Jathrop ’s gone for the — ” 

“Well, I am glad. The butcher ’s the 
only one ’s ’d ought to go near her. I per- 
sume I c’d ’a’ milked her, ’n’ ’f she ’d been 
my cow I w’d ’a’ milked her, but bein’ ’s 
she wa’n’t mine I did n’t see no good ’n’ 
sufficient reason why I sh’d so much ’s take 
a interest in her. I will own ’t I did sorter 
ache to see her kick Jathrop into king- 
dom come, but the chances are ’t he’d ’a’ 
come out alive, ’n’ so it would n’t ’a’ paid 
in the end. I ’ll be glad to hear her stop 
mooin’, though. I was sick o’ the noise 
afore she begun, ’n’ she ’s kep’ right on ever 
since.” 

Mrs. Lathrop ate a little and drank a 
little, looking blandly non-committal as she 
did so. Miss Clegg rocked vigorously. 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 101 


I can’t get that plaster out o’ my head,” 
she continued presently. I wonder if it 
won’t give you rheumatism anyhow. Deacon 
White got rheumatism from movin’ into a 
house where the plaster was damp, ’n’ it 
stands to reason it ’d be worse yet if it ’s tied 
right tight to you. I must say ’t I agree 
with Mrs. Macy ; I think you ’d ought to 
have old Dr. Carter. O’ course it’ll cost 
suthin’ to have him over from Meadville, 
but it’ll cost you a sight more to have a 
wooden leg up from the city. There ain’t 
no sense in tryin’ to save money over a kick, 
Mrs. Lathrop, ’n’ what ’s the good o’ your 
economizin’ all these years ’f you can’t in- 
dulge yourself a little when you want to ? 
That’s what Mr. Shores said to me — jus’ 
them very self-same words — when he wanted 
to sell me that fancy green ’n’ yellow parasol 
’s he had up f’r Easter. I did n’t want no 
parasol, though ; it had a pointed-nose dog 
Pr a handle, ’n’ I did n’t fancy myself goin’ 
to church hangin’ on to a dog’s nose, even ’f 
it was silver-plated. I ain’t no great admirer 
o’ green ’n’ yellow, neither, ’n’ so I told him 
flat ’n’ plain ’t I wa’n’t through my econo- 
mizin’ years yet. He sold the parasol to 


102 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 

Mrs. Jilkins, she let it down on her thumb 
’n’ come nigh to breakin' her thumb. She 
says she won't carry no parasol 's she can't 
shut down without riskin' her thumb 'n' 
she 's goin' to give it to her niece over to 
Meadville. She says her niece is awful 
womans-rightsy, 'n' can swing dumb-bells 
'n' look over backward 't her own heels, 'n' 
that parasol 'll be nothin' but child's play to 
her. I ain't no sympathy with such views 
myself — I never was one as believed over- 
much in womans' rights. My idea is to let 
the men have the rights, 'n' then they're 
satisfied to let you do 's you please. 'S 
far 's my observa — Lord have mercy 
on us !" 

The cause of the abrupt termination of 
Miss Clegg's speech was a sudden crashing 
back of the house, followed by a rush and 
a swish at the side. The friendly visitor 
made one jump for the window, took one 
look out, and was oflF and away. The door 
slammed before Mrs. Lathrop got her mouth 
open to ask what was the matter. She 
called, but no answer came. Then she 
waited, and waited some more, and finally 
grew weary in her waiting and fell asleep. 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 103 


She slept long and dreamlessly. It was 
well after seven when the noise of foot- 
steps awakened her. 

It was Susan. Having left the tray be- 
hind in her mad flight of the night before, 
she had come over with the teapot in one 
hand and a plate of toast in the other. But 
it was not the breakfast which attracted Mrs. 
Lathrop’s attention, it was the expression of 
her neighbor’s face. Tidings of vast im- 
portance were deeply imprinted there, and 
when Miss Clegg set the teapot down and 
said, “Well, Mrs. Lathrop ! ” there was 
that within the tone of her voice which 
seemed to cause the very air to quiver in 
anticipation. 

“ Is anything the — ” 

“ Matter ? ” Susan put down the toast 
and drew herself up to her full height as she 
spoke. “ Yes, Mrs. Lathrop, a good deal is 
the matter. You ain’t seen Jathrop, have 
you ? ’* 

“ No ; where — ” 

“ He ’s gone ! ” 

“ Gone ? ” 

“ Gone. Mr. Weskin give him to under- 
stand as he ’d better go somewhere ’n’ he 


104 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


got on a train ’n* did it. If he had n’t, he 
might ’a’ been lynched.” 

‘‘ Lynched ! ” screamed the mother, sitting 
suddenly up. A direful cracking resounded 
under the bed-clothes as she did so, but in 
the excitement of the moment its possible 
evil portent went unnoticed. 

“ Lynched,” repeated Susan ; that ’s what 
I said, ’n’ bein’ ’s I was brought up to speak 
the truth ’n’ fear no man, you c’n depend 
upon its bein’ so. But you must eat your 
breakfast, Mrs. Lathrop, — you must n’t 
go without eatin’ or you ’ll lose your strength 
’n’ then blood poison ’ll set in. ’N’ that 
reminds me ’t Mr. Weskin asked me yester- 
day if you ’d made your will. Have you ? ” 

“ No ; but I want to know about — ” 

He says you ’d ought to right off. He 
says there ’s no tellin’ where anythin’ ’ll end 
’n’ it ’s wise to be prepared for the worst. 
He said he knowed a man as walked on a 
tack ’n’ jus’ called it a tack, ’n’ first they had 
to cut off the tack ’n’ then the toe ’n’ then 
the foot, ’n’ they kept on slicin’ him higher 
*n’ higher till he died without no will a tail, 
I said you was n’t no tack but a cow, but he 
said it was all one, ’n’ I guess it is ’s far ’s 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 105 


the lawyers go. I expeck it ’d be only a 
poor lawyer 's could n't argue a tack into a 
cow — 'n' out of her again, too, Pr that 
matter — 'n’ Mr. Weskin ain’t no poor — ” 

‘‘ But about Ja — ” 

‘‘ — Lawyer. He ’s ’s fine ’s they make. 
O’ course a good deal o’ the time no one 
knows what he means, but that ain’t nothin’ 
ag’in’ him, f’r I think with a lawyer you 
ginerally don’t. It ’s a part o’ their business 
not to let no one know what they mean, f’r 
’flaw was simple no one ’d ever get fooled.” 
“ ’N’ Jath— ” 

He ’s gone. You c’n make your mind 
easy about him, f’r he got away all safe. 
Hiram Mullins chased him clear to the 
station ’n’ nigh to catched him, but there was 
a train jus’ movin’ out, ’n’ Jathrop shinned 
up the little fire-escape on the back o’ the 
calaboose ’n’ was off. ’N’ now ’t he is gone, 
Mrs. Lathrop, I ’m goin’ to right out plain 
’n’ tell you to your face ’s it ’s a good thing 
f’r you ’s he is gone, ’n’ you want to thank 
Heaven ’s sent him to you ’t that train was 
so handy to take him away ag’in.” 

But what — ” asked Mrs. Lathrop 
feebly. 


106 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


It was the cow/’ said Susan. Don’t 
you remember how I run last night ? I hear 
a noise, ’n’ my first thought was ’s it was 
Jathrop or mebbe the butcher, but I got to 
the window jus’ in time to see a tail make 
the turn o’ the gate, ’n’ the seein’ the tail 
showed right off’s it warn’t Jathrop nor yet 
the butcher. Seems ’t Jathrop, not seein’ no 
ring to tie her to, tied her to a spoke in the 
hay-rack ’n’ in her mooin’ she broke it. 
Seems’t then she squose out into the chicken- 
coop ’n’ then busted right through the wire 
nettin’ ’n’ set off. She run like wild fire, they 
say. She headed right f’r town ’n’ down the 
main street. She come into the square 
lickety-split, ’n’ the town committee was in the 
middle of it examinin’ the band-stand where 
Judge Fitch says ’t it shakes when he has to 
stamp ’n’ pound in his speeches. She come 
on the committee so sudden ’t they did n’t 
even know what it was. She knocked 
Deacon White over on his back, ’n’ threw 
Mr. Shores so hard ag’in’ the waterin’-trough 
’t all his suspender tins come out before ’n’ 
behind. Gran’ma Mullins was cornin’ across 
with six new teacups done up in each hand. 
Ed was cornin’ along after her with the 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 107 


saucers, but she ’d told Mr. Kimball right out 
to his face as she would n’t trust Ed with 
nothin’ as had handles ’n’ so she ’d carry 
them cups home herself. The cow hit her 
cornering, ’n’ them cups ’n’ her false teeth 
went all over the square. Some o’ ’em hit 
Deacon White in the face where he lay 
gaspin’, but the cow never stopped. She 
jus’ flew. Mr. Fisher was hurryin’ along 
to join the rest o’ the committee ’t the band- 
stantl, ’n’ he met her next. .-She lowered 
her head ’n’ jus’ gouged Mr. Fisher’s three- 
quarters around him ’n’ tore right on. She 
took the crick road, ’n’ Polly Allen ’n’ Sam 
Duruy was out walkin’ ’n’ see her pass. 
They say greased lightenin’ was donkeys 
to the way she went. The minister ’n’ 
the six childern was jus’ cornin’ home from 
Mrs. Brown’s, ’n’ the five childern at home 
was all come runnin’ to meet them. The 
cow charged right into the middle o’ the 
bunch, ’n’ the minister ’n’ all them eleven 
childern is laid out f’r one spell. 

“ Well, ’n’ even then she did n’t stop. 
Seemed like ploughin’ through the minister’s 
family only give her fresh strength. She 
kept right straight on down the crick road. 


108 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


'n' jus’ by the ditch she come on Mr. ’n’ 
Mrs. Jilkins. They was cornin’ up to town 
to spend the night with the Whites, ’n’ they 
had the green ’n’ yellow parasol all done up 
to send to Mrs. Jilkins’ niece along with 
’em. The cow was ’s unexpected to them 
as to every one else, ’n’ she hit the parasol 
right square in the middle. It broke, ’n’ the 
wires all bust out ’n’ punched Mr. Jilkins 
full o’ holes afore he had time to point it at 
his wife. She got her share anyhow, though, 
f’r that dog’s nose handle caught her right 
aroun’ her leg ’n’ throwed her head fore- 
most into the ditch. 

’N’ the cow did n’t stop then ! She 
rushed right along, ’n’ on the first bridge 
was Mrs. Macy. She was standin’ wonderin’ 
what was to pay up the road, ’n’ then she 
see it was a cow. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you 
know what Mrs. Macy is on cows. I hear 
her say one day as she ’d rather have a 
mouse run up her skirts any day ’n a cow. 
She told me ’t she often go ’way round by 
Cherry Pond sooner ’n be alone with one in 
the road, ’n’ such bein’ the case, you can’t 
suppose but what she was mortal scared. 
Her story is ’s she only had time to see its 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 109 


horns the wildness of its eyes afore she 
never will know what did possess her. She 
never see a cow that near in all her life before, 
’n' she says Y that ’s the way they look face 
to, she ain’t surprised ’t folks sit a little back 
when milkin’. It was nigh to on to her, ’n’ 
you know yourself ’t the bridge is narrow 
’n’ Mrs. Macy ain’t. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, 
you c’n believe me or not jus’ ’s you please, 
’cause it ’ll be Mrs. Macy ’s you ’ll be 
doubtin’ anyhow, but this is what she says 
happened. The bridge is here^ you know,” 
Susan laid off the plan on her knee, ‘‘ ’n’ the 
road is here. The cow was runnin’ like mad 
along here^ ’n’ Mrs. Macy was white ’n* 
tremblin’ so ’t the whole bridge shook under 
her, right atop of it. She says to her dyin’ 
day she ’ll never see how she done it, but 
she jus’ grabbed her skirts, spread ’em out 
wide ’n’ said ‘ Shoo ! ’ ’s loud ’s she could. 
Her story is ’t the cow stopped, like she 
was struck dumb that second ; then she 
reared up ’s pretty a rear ’s Mrs. Macy ’ll 
ever ask to see, ’n’ then she fell sideways 
into the mill-race. The water was on full 
’n’ she went right down ’n’ into the mill- 
wheel, ’n’ some of her caught in it ’n’ she 


110 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


could n't budge. It squinched her right up, 
'n' she kicked some, 'n' mooed some, 'n' bust 
the wheel some, 'n' died. 

“ But Mrs. Macy wa'n't wastin’ no time 
or words on the cow. She was walkin’ ’s fast 
’s she could along to where the nearest noise 
was cornin’ from. 

“ First she found Mr. Jilkins sittin’ on a 
stump pickin’ parasol out o’ himself ’n’ sweat- 
in’ in away ’s Mrs. Macy hopes to be spared 
hereafter. While she was jus’ bridge side o’ 
him, Mrs. Jilkins come scramblin’ up out o’ 
the ditch madder ’n sixty-five hornets. Seems 
she ’d got most to the top twice, ’n’ it was 
so slippery ’t she’d slid clean back to the 
bottom again. Mrs. Macy says the Lord 
forgive her all her sins forever ’n’ ever, ’f 
she ever see such a sight afore. She tried 
to wring her out in spots, but she was way 
beyond wringin’. Besides, Mrs. Macy says 
she ain’t been a widow so long but what she 
see ’t a glance ’t they ’d be better ’n’ happier 
without no third party by, ’n’ so she left ’em 
’n’ went on to where the minister ’n’ his 
family was feebly tryin’ to put themselves 
together again. Polly Allen ’n’ Sam was 
there helpin’ ’em, ’n’ Mrs. Allen was up on 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 111 


the porch with the minister’s wife. Seems ’t 
was her first sittin’ up, ’n’ they ’d got her out 
in a rocker to see him come home jus’ in 
time to see him run over. She took on 
awful ’cause she thought ’t he was killed, 
sure, ’n’ then when she found ’t he was n’t, 
the shock done her up completely. They 
had to put her straight back in bed, ’n’ then 
they put the minister ’n his broken nose in 
with her ’n’ went to work on the rest o’ 
’em. Sam Duruy got young Dr. Brown 
there ’s quick ’s he could, ’n’ young Dr. 
Brown took off his coat ’n’ rolled up his 
sleeves ’n’ jus’ went for ’em. He got the 
bandagin’ ’s was ordered for your leg, ’n’ 
used it right up on the minister’s family. 
He sent for all Shores’ flaxseed ’n’ all 
Kimball’s cotton, ’n’ then if he did n’t pitch 
in ! I was there by that time, ’n’ we set 
Polly to fryin’ poultices, ’n’ Mrs. Macy ’n’ 
me slapped ’em on hot. Sam was sent with 
the horse to get the doctor’s darnin’-needles 
’n’ thread, ’n’ young Dr. Brown told him to 
drive by the station ’n’ tell Johnny to tele- 
graph to Meadville f’r old Dr. Carter to 
come over ’n’ help him ’s fast as he could. 

“ Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I wish ’t you could 


112 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


been there to see us. The water jus’ 
streamed off Mrs. Macy ’n’ me, ’n’ I bet 
them poultices was hot, for no one never 
asked Pr a nother o’ their own free will. 
Young Dr. Brown soon had to take off his 
vest, ’n’ roll up his sleeves considerably more 
high, ’n’ I will say ’t beavers was nothin’ to 
the way he worked. When he had the last 
one sewed off ’n’ was ready to go, he looked 
like there was nothin’ left ’s he did n’t know 
how to do. He brung me home in his 
buggy. I know it was pretty late, ’n’ I 
never was no great hand to approve o’ buggy- 
ridin’ after dark, but he’s married ’n’ I 
thought ’s no real harm could come o’ it, so I 
up ’n’ in. Mrs. Macy said she ’d stay all night 
’n’ sleep with ’Liza Em’ly ’n’ Rachel Rebecca 
in the little half-bed. We come up along 
through town, ’n’ I tell you I never see the 
square so gay any election night ’s it was last 
night. Not a store was closed, ’n’ Mr. Kim- 
ball was sellin’ soda-water ’t four cents a glass, 
with a small sheet o’ court plaster throwed in 
at that. Dr. Brown stopped to go in back o’ 
the fountain ’n’ mix suthin’ ’t they keep there 
for him, ’n’ it was then ’s I hear about Jathrop. 

‘‘ Seems ’t along about ’n hour after the 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 113 


cow 'd run over everybody, Jathrop come 
moonin' back from where the butcher lives 
out Cherry Pond way. Seems 't the sight 
o' his calmness jus' sort o' set every one 's 
was n't a wreck plum crazy. Seems 't when 
he asked what was up Deacon White shook 
his fist 't him 'n' said he was what 'd ought 
to be up — strung up, 'n' Hiram Mullins 
wanted to souse him in the waterin'-trough. 
Seems 't Hiram was mad 'cause he paid for 
them teeth o' Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' the tea- 
cups too. Well, it was pretty lively, 'n' the 
first thing any one knew Mr. Weskin drawed 
Jathrop off to one side to cross-examine him 
a little, 'n' Hiram see him start to run f'r the 
station. Hiram did n't waste no words findin' 
fault 't Lawyer Weskin's lettin' him go, but 
he went after him jus' jumpin'. He did n't 
catch him, though, 'n' so that's the end o' 
Jathrop." 

Miss Clegg paused, and drew a long, re- 
freshing breath. 

“ I guess you 've had a nice breakfast," 
she said in a minute, only you 'd ought to 
eat more." 

I did n't feel much — " said Mrs. La- 
th rop. 


8 


114 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


‘‘Well, you’d ought to. How’s your 
leg ? C’n you feel it this mornin’ ? ” 

“ Oh, yes, I c’n — ” 

“ Then it ’s all right so far. But I hear 
last night ’s you c’n feel a leg even after it ’s 
been cut off. Mrs. Macy says she heard of 
a man ’s suffers awful yet in a leg as he lost 
in a planin’-mill over thirty years ago.” 

“ My Lord alive ! ” cried Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ So you see you ain’t sure whether your 
leg’s still there or not. However, I ’ve got 
to go, leg or no leg. I told Mrs. Macy I ’d 
be at the minister’s at half-past eight to boil 
’em all fresh ’n’ I ain’t got more ’n time 
to make it easy. I ’ll be home to get you 
some dinner.” 

“ I wish I knew where Ja — ” 

Susan stopped in the act of bending for 
the tray. 

“ Mrs. Lathrop ! — Mrs. Lathrop I Do 
you mean to say ’s you don’t know a blessin’ 
when it ’s throwed right square in your face 
like yesterday ? Jathrop ’s gone, ’n’ he can’t 
never come back, ’n’ if you had ten legs you 
’d ought to yield the last one o’ ’em up to 
Heaven without a murmur out o’ sheer 
gratitude over his bein’ took. Now you lay 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 115 


still there 'n’ don’t even think such foolish- 
ness, or the Lord may lose his patience like 
the cow did hers, ’n’ after feelin’ ’n’ seein’ 
’n’ bearin’ what a cow c’n do, I should n’t 
feel noways inclined to rouse the Lord ’f I 
was you.” 

So saying, Susan took up her tray and left 
the room. 


The morning was very long to the broken- 
legged one, who found herself quite unable 
to sleep under such circumstances. Her 
mind did not exactly race about among the 
startling developments of the past few hours, 
but it did dwell dubiously upon the more 
unfortunate phases of past, present, and 
(possible) future events. 

She was glad beyond words when she 
heard Miss Clegg’s step on the kitchen stoop 
about noon, and two minutes later Susan was 
occupying the rocker, and the repast which 
she had brought with her was beginning to 
occupy her friend. 

‘Mt ’s jus’ awful ’s you can’t get out,” the 
visitor said sympathetically ; you ’re missin’ 
things ’s you ’ll never have a chance to see 


f 


116 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


again — not ’f you live 's high ’s Methusy- 
lem. The whole community is in the square 
or else on the crick road. They Ve got the 
minister laid out on the sofa, like he was a 
president, ’n’ Polly Allen ’s right there every 
minute to open the door ’n’ keep the line a- 
movin’ ! Every one wants to see the minister 
*n' every one wants to see the cow ; so some 
goes for the minister first 'n’ the cow later, 
’n’ others looks 't the cow first ’n’ takes the 
minister in on the way back. They all stop 
one way or the other to look down at Mrs. 
Jilkins* clawin’s on the side o' the ditch, 'n' 
they say the way she dug in the time she 
finally made it 's almost beyond belief. The 
minister says it 's nothin' but a joy to him 
to welcome his friends. He lays there 'n* 
quotes ‘ All thy waves 'n' billows went right 
over me,' 'n' smiles under his cotton, but 
Mr. Kimball says 'f he told the truth he 'd 
say ‘Jathrop Lathrop's cow 's went right 
over me ' instid. 

‘‘ I must say 's the minister seems to be 
survivin' better 'n his wife. She says she 
thought 't the baby was the last straw, 'n' 
now here was a cow ten thousand times 
worse. She says bein' resigned is all right 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 117 


Y you c’n be alone ’n' sit down in peace, but 
she ’d like to know how any one c’d resign 
themselves to a husband 'n' twelve childern 
all freshly stepped on. I told her 's the new 
baby had n't been touched, but she seemed 
beyond payin’ attention to trifles like tellin’ 
the truth. 

“Young Dr. Brown ’s awful anxious for 
some fresh cotton ’n’ old Dr. Carter to get 
here from Meadville. He says he wants to 
dress Henry Ward Beecher’s ear ’f anybody 
c’n ever catch Henry Ward Beecher. ’Liza 
Em’ly ’s goin’ around huggin’ herself ’n’ 
groanin’ to beat the band, but young Dr. 
Brown says he can’t do nothin’ for her be- 
cause there ain’t no way to get in behind a 
rib ’n’ pry it out to place again. I guess the 
truth o’ the matter is ’t he ’s jus’ plum tired 
out piecin’ ’n’ mendin’. It ’s been a big job 
sewin’ up after Jathrop’s cow tore round like 
that. They say ’s he had all of a foot to 
over-’n’-over along Mr. Fisher, ’n’ Mr. 
Jilkins is jus’ tufted like a sofa where he 
stopped up where he was skewered. Mrs. 
Jilkins is pretty hot yet over the parasol’s 
bein’ bust ’cause she ’d wrote her niece ’s 
she was goin’ to give it to her ’n’ her niece 


118 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


's bought a hat with yellow buttercups ’n* 
green leaves jus' to match it. But I 'll 
tell you who 's in a sad way, — it 's poor 
Gran’ma Mullins. From the first second 
's they got her right end up again she begin 
to ask suthin', 'n' on a'count o' her teeth 
bein' gone no one could make out what it 
was. H iram did n't get no sleep all night 
with her sighin' 'n' mumblin', 'n' towards 
mornin' he made out 's she was wantin' to 
know 'f Mr. Kimball 'd replace them cups 's 
the cow smashed. Hiram went right after 
breakfast 'n' asked, ^n' Mr. Kimball said not 
on Hiram's tin-type he would n't. He said 
Gran'ma Mullins was carryin' 'em herself 
sooner 'n trust Ed, 'n' he wa'n’t to blame f'r 
such wild animals 's might naturally fancy 
takin' after her. They tried to console her 
by lettin' her see her teeth get put in a 
mustard box to go to the city to be mended, 
but the worst of it is 's two of the teeth 
can't be found in the square, 'n' Deacon 
White thinks he swallowed 'em when he laid 
there gaspin' so wide open. He says he 
never knowed such queer feelin's 's he had las' 
night. Mrs. Fisher was there, 'n' she said 
'f Deacon White was bothered 's to how to 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 119 


act with them teeth he only needed to go ’n' 
consult Mr. Fisher 'cause there 's nothin' in 
the wide world 's Mr. Fisher ain’t sure 't 
he knows more about 'n any one else. She 
says Mr. Fisher ain't a bit suited 't the way 
young Dr. Brown brought his edges together, 
'n' she says he says ’t jus' as soon 's he ain't 
so stiff 'n' sore about loanin' over he 's 
goin' to take all them stitches out 'n' sew 
himself up the way 't he 'd ought to be 
sewed." 

Mrs. Lathrop turned a little in bed. 
Again the cracking noise might be heard, 
but neither one of the friends had mental 
leisure to notice it. 

‘‘Mr. Weskin stopped me on my way 
home," Susan continued, “ 'n' asked me 
what steps you was intendin' to take in re- 
gard to the lawsuits for damages — " 

“ Damages ! " cried Mrs. Lathrop in great 
fright. 

“ Yes, your cow's damages." 

“ My cow ! I did n't have nothin' to do 
with her except get kicked by — " 

“ I know, but Mr. Weskin explained all 
that to me. Jathrop 's gone nobody knows 
where, 'n' so you come next. 'F he 's 


120 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


proved dead leavin’ property it ’d be yours, 
’n’ if he leaves damage-suits you inherit 
’em jus’ the same.” 

“ My heavens ! ” 

‘‘Mr. Weskin says that’s how it is, ’n’ 
he mus’ know. I ’ve always had a great 
respeck for what Mr. Weskin knows ever 
since he went into court ’n’ proved ’s the 
mill ’s the other side o’ the crick from 
where it is, jus’ by havin’ Hiram Mullins 
’n’ Sam Duruy stand up ’n’ swear the mill- 
race run ’round behind it. I never could 
see how he done it, but I never felt to 
blame myself none f’r that, ’cause it takes 
another lawyer to see what a lawyer ’s doin’ 
anyhow. When a lawyer says anythin’ ’s 
so to me, I never take no time to disbelieve 
him ’cause ’f he wa’n’t able to prove the 
truth o’ his own lyin’ he ’d never get to 
be in the law a ^aIL On the other hand, 
though, I don’t trust him none, even if I 
ain’t a mite o’ doubt as to what he says. 
Believin’ is cheap, you c’n believe the whole 
Bible ’n’ it won’t cost a cent ’n’ is suthin’ to 
your credit ; but trustin’ live folks is always 
expensive. ’F Lawyer Weskin says ’s you 
c’n be sued, you ’re pretty safe to feel it ’s so 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 121 


— the more so ’s it was him ’s sent Jathrop 
off so slick. But I ain't so sure 't I 'd sit 
down 'n' let him sue me 'f I was you. He 
c'n sue, from now on, but it 's for you to 
consider whether he gets anythin' but fun 
out o' it or not. 'F you 're willin' to be 
sued, it 's ownin' you know you 've done 
suthin', 'n' you ain't done nothin' — it was 
the cow 's did it to you. There ain't nothin' 
to be gained f'r even the wicked by ownin' 
up to bein' wicked in court, 'n' they often 
get off by ownin' up to bein' innocent. You 
can't never lose nothin' by swearin' 's it wa'n't 
you, 'n' 's far as my observation 's extended, 
a person 's starts out by tryin' to be honest 
'n' sayin', ‘Yes, I done it,' soon finds them- 
selves with the whole neighborhood laid at 
their door 'n' never no thanks for it, neither. 

“ Mr. Weskin says 't Deacon White 
says 't some one 's got to pay him f'r hap- 
penin' to swallow Gran'ma Mullins' teeth 
when he wa'n't thinkin'. Well, 'f he's got 
a right to anythin', pretty nigh all the c'm- 
munity 's got a equal right. There 's Mr. 
Fisher with a slice out o' his side, 'n' them 
nine teacups o' Gran'ma Mullins'. There 's 
Mr. Jilkins goin' to set a price for every par- 


122 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


asol punch he got, ’n’ Mrs. Jilkins goin’ to 
want a new parasol. 

“ ’N' then it 'd be jus’ like young Dr. 
Brown to perk up ’n’ send you a bill, instid 
o’ bein’ everlastin’ly grateful for all the 
teachin’ he owes straight to you. He’s had 
a chance to perform ’most every kind o’ 
operation ’n’ to use up the last drop o’ all 
his old liniments jus’ as a result o’ that one 
cow. Then too he’s had a chance to call 
old Dr. Carter over in consultation, ’n’ in 
the ordinary run o’ things he could n’t o’ 
’xpected to have nothin’ to consult about 
f’r years ’n’ years. He ’s a made young man 
’n’ all in one night, jus’ owin’ to you, ’n’ the 
last time he whipped his horse through the 
square to-day, Mr. Kimball said he looked 
so busy ’t he supposed they ’d elect him our 
next mayor. 

‘‘You wasn’t responsible f’r the cow’s 
gettin’, ’n’ Jathrop was. It ’s Jathrop ’s is to 
blame, ’n’ if any one ’s to be sued it ’d ought 
to be him, ’n’ he ain’t got no property but 
the cow, ’n’ she ’s hung up dead ’n’ her own 
damage, so it’s no use suin’ him f’r anythin’. 
Folks ’s ain’t got nothin’ don’t never have 
any law troubles, ’n’ Jathrop is gone ofF’n’ 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 123 


so he 's specially handy to blame for every- 
thin'. 'S far 's my observation 's 'xtended, 
it 's always folks a long ways off 's it 's 
wisest to lay all the faults to, 'n' 'f I was 
you — ” 

Mrs. Lathrop's eyes suddenly started out 
of her head. 

I can't feel my leg ! " she cried. 

Susan sprang to her feet. 

“ It 's the plaster ! " she exclaimed ; then, 
starting towards the door, I 'll run 'n' get 
the axe 'n' hack you right out." 

“ No — no," screamed Mrs. Lathrop, “ not 
the axe." 

Then I 'll bring up the teakettle 'n' 
pour boilin' water on it till it softens 'n' 
comes off." 

“ No, I don't want — " 

^^Well, Mrs. Lathrop," — Susan looked 
her disapproval, — seems to me you 're jus' 
a little fussy. I must say if you ain’t willin' 
to have it broke off or soaked off, I can't 
well see how it 's goin' to be got off." 

Mrs. Lathrop bunched herself somewhat, 
and a grating and powdering noise resulted. 

“ I drew it right up ! ” she cried joyfully. 

Susan's expression became enigmatic. 


124 JATHROP LATHROFS COW 


Mrs. Lathrop manoeuvred further. 

“ I straightened it out ! ” she announced 
further. 

Miss Clegg approached the bed. 

“ I don’t believe ’s it was ever broke/’ 
she said in deep disgust. 

“ Dr. Brown said he wa’n’t sure,” the 
invalid continued, elongating and contract- 
ing herself, caterpillar-like,’ ‘‘ he said ’s he ’d 
wait the windin’ — ” 

‘‘ Mrs. Lathrop,” said Susan suddenly, 

I ’ve jus’ thought ! It ’s this afternoon ’s 
the butcher ’n’ the man ’s mends church 
spires ’s cornin’ together to get the cow out 
o’ the mill-wheel. The whole c’mmunity ’s 
goin’ down to look on, ’n’ I can’t see no 
good ’n’ s’fficient reason why you should n’t 
go too. I ’ll help you dress, ’n’ we ’ll scurry 
along right now. ’F we meet Mr. Weskin 
’n’ he says lawsuit to you, you jus’ up ’n’ 
tell him ’s you ’re goin’ to sue him for 
throwin’ you head foremost into a fever on 
a’ count o’ not knowin’ where your only son 
’s been gone all night, ’n’ ’f young Dr. 
Brown ever has the face to so much ’s hint 
at a bill, you jus’ out ’n’ ask him ’f he 
knows a whole leg when he sees one, ’n’ 


JATHROP LATHROFS COW 125 


if he don’t answer, say ’t you ’ve got two 
in spite o’ his plaster. There ’s always a 
way out o’ anythin’ ’f a person only don’t 
try to think it out, but jus’ speaks up sharp 
’n’ decided. Come on ’n’ get up now, ’n’ 
I ’ll help you hurry, ’n’ your leg won’t miss 
nothin’ after all.” 

Mrs. Lathrop got out of bed at once. 


IV 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN 
MARION 

M rs. LATHROP was of a placid 
disposition, and not inclined towards 
even that species of mental activity which a 
more than usual amount of astonishment 
demands. Therefore when she saw Susan 
going out one very rainy day she merely 
wondered where her energetic neighbor was 
going, and when, an hour later, she ob- 
served the same lady returning, she contin- 
ued her usual trend of thought by the mild- 
est possible further development of a species 
of curiosity as to where she had been. 

Miss Clegg perceived the interested gaze 
directed towards her out of the kitchen win- 
dow and decided to go in next door for a 
little visit. To that end she passed her 
own gate, entered Mrs. Lathrop’s, pro- 
ceeded up the front walk, stacked her drip- 

126 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 127 


ping umbrella against one of the piazza 
posts, carefully disposed her rubbers beside 
the umbrella, and then entered the house. 

She found Mrs. Lathrop seated in the 
kitchen. 

“Why,” said that lady, “ I thought you 
was gone on up to see — ” 

“ No,” said the visitor, “ I was to see her 
last week and I sha’n’tgo again for one while. 
Mrs. Brown ’n’ me has been friends 'n' good 
friends for too many years to break off sud- 
den, but still I never 'xpected 's she’d be one 
to try a new receipt on me ’n’ never give me 
my choice ’s to whether I ’d risk it or not until 
a good fifteen minutes after I ’d swallowed 
the last bite. I can’t feel anythin’ but bitter 
still when I think of yesterday ’n’ last night. 
I was sittin’ there ’s innocent ’s a mule eatin’ 
thistles, ’n’ all of a sudden I felt to say, ‘ Mrs. 
Brown, did you put bakin’ powder or yeast 
in that cake ? ’ It was then ’s she told me 
’t she’d up ’n’ made it with suthin’ ’s a 
peddler throwed in at the door. ^ Where ’s 
the label ? ’ I says, puttin’ my hand to 
where I felt the most need o’ knowin’ what 
in creation to come I had got in me. Well, 
Mrs. Lathrop, ’f she hadn’t burned up the 


128 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


label ; so there was nothin' f’r me to do but 
go home 'n' come nigh to dyin' of I did n’t 
know what. I ’ve got a book, ‘ The Handy 
Family Friend,’ ’s tells what you ’d ought 
to take after you ’ve took anythin’, ’n’ I 
read it ’way through to see ’f there was any 
rule fr when you don’t know what you’ve 
took, but there wa’n’t no directions, ’n’ 
so I jus’ calmly spent the night hoppin’ 
about like mad, ’n’ I ’m free to confess ’t 
there’ll be a coolness in my feelin’s to- 
wards Mrs. Brown henceforth. I ain’t said * 
nothin’ direct to her herself, but I spoke my 
full mind to Mrs. Macy, ’n’ Mrs. Macy give » 
me to understand ’s she should let Mrs. 
Brown know my sufferin’s, ’n’ I mentioned 
to Mr. Kimball ’s I felt some hurt over bein’ 
pierced to the core with cake ’s nobody 
knowed what had raised it, ’n’, although he 
laughed ’n’ said mebbe Cain raised it, still 
I feel he ’s safe to tell every one in town. 

I want ’s every one sh’d know it. I consider 
’t when a woman goes to see another woman 
she ’s unsuspectin’ o’ any new species o’ cake- 
raisin’, ’n’ ’f there is any new species in the 
wind my view o’ the matter is ’s it ’d ought 
to be tried on somebody else ’n’ not on me.” 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 129 


Miss Clegg stopped and shook her head 
hard. 

Where have you — began Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

“Oh, that reminds me,” said the caller 
with a sudden start. She paused a second, as 
if to gather force for the proper delivery of 
her next speech ; a wondrous glow of uncon- 
scious but exalted triumph rose to her visage. 
“ I went,” she announced, her voice high- 
keyed with confidence as to what was about 
to fall upon the totally unprepared placidity 
of the unsuspecting Mrs. Lathrop, — “I 
went to post a letter to Cousin Marion ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop’s jaw dropped. A sudden 
and complete paralysis of all her faculties 
seemed to be the immediate effect of her 
friend's astounding communication. 

For a full half-minute there was silence in 
the kitchen while Susan rocked and enjoyed 
the sight of the havoc wrought by her speech. 

But at last Mrs. Lathrop gathered some 
fragments out of the wreck of her sensibili- 
ties and said feebly, — 

“ Why, Susan, I never hear as you had 
one single — ” 

“Nor me, neither,” said the caller, — and 

9 


130 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


then the sluice-gates opened, and the stream 
swept through and madly on again, — “ nor 
me, neither, Mrs. Lathrop. I never even 
dreamed o’ any such goin’s on, ’n’ I c’n as- 
sure you ’s the shock ’s come ’s heavy on 
me ’s on you. I went up garret this mornin’ 
’s innocent ’s a babe whose mother ’s yet 
unborn, ’n’ there I found her.” 

“In the garret ! ” cried Mrs. Lathrop. 

Miss Clegg drew a long breath. 

“In a trunk. ’N’ jus’ ’s unexpected ’s 
the cornin’ o’ Judgment Day. Mrs. La- 
throp, you c’n believe me or not jus’ ’s you 
please, but I give you my Gospel word of 
honor as when I turned down the flap o’ 
a trunk ’n’ see that old mousey letter stuck 
in it cornerways, I no more thought o’ find- 
in’ a cousin than I did o’ findin’ a moth, ’n* 
you know how scarce moths is with me ; I 
ain’t so much ’s seen one ’xcept on your 
side o’ the house in twenty years, I do be- 
lieve. ’N’ I could n’t in conscience say ’s I 
was pleased when I did see the letter, f’r I 
thought ’s like ’s not it was a bill, ’n’ any- 
how I wa’n’t inclined to be over-pleased at 
anythin’ this mornin’ — I persume you saw 
how the minister come in on me? ” 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 131 


“Yes,” said Mrs. Lathrop, “ I see him. 
What — ” 

“ Wanted to name the baby after me, ’n’ 
I call it a pretty time to come namin' a baby 
when a woman has got one leg on a ladder 
'n' her head tied up for bats. I thought he 
was the tin-peddler from Meadville, 'n' I run 
f'r my rag-bag, 'n' then there it was only 
the minister after all! Well, I wasn’t 
pleased a tall, ’n’ I did n’t ask him in, neither. 
I stood fair ’n’ square in the doorway, ’n’ ’f 
he was ’xpectin’ to see me look happy over 
havin’ a compliment paid me, ’t was one 
more time ’s he did n’t get what he ’xpected. 
That was what he called it, — ‘payin’ me a 
compliment,’ — ’n’ I mus’ say ’s it struck 
me ’s pretty high-flown language f’r jus’ 
simply wantin’ to name a thirteenth baby 
after the richest woman in the c’mmunity. 
Seems to me thirteen was a good many to 
wait afore thinkin’ o’ me anyhow, ’n’ I ain’t 
noways sure ’s I want a thirteenth baby 
named after me anyway. I never was fool- 
ish like some folks, ’n’ you know that ’s well 
’s I do, Mrs. Lathrop, but still you know, 
too, ’s it’s never nothin’ but safe to keep 
away fr’m the under side o’ ladders ’n’ the 


132 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


number thirteen. I Ve heard Gran'ma 
Mullins tell a dozen times ’s how Y she 'd 
never 'a gone picnickin’ on twice thirteen — 
that’s twenty-six — o’ July she’d never ’a’ 
met her husband, ’n’ might o’ married Dea- 
con White. They was both after her, ’n’ 
she picked out the wrong one, ’n’ first he 
went to the war ’n’ then he went to the 
dogs, ’n’ now there she is in a four-room 
cottage ’n’ Deacon White’s wife orderin’ a 
patent ice-box out o’ a catalogue ’n’ him 
never sayin’ a word. She c’d ’a’ took a world 
o’ comfort with his daughter, ’n’ I don’t be- 
lieve she takes none to speak o’ with Hiram, 
’n’ anyway I was clean put out with the min- 
ister afore I even see him, f ’r I can’t abide 
that way he ’n’ his wife’s both got o’ talkin’ 
’n’ talkin’ ’n’ never gettin’ aroun’ to sayin’ 
what they set out to. I like folks ’s is right 
quick ’n’ sharp, ’n’ these roamin’, meanderin’ 
kind o’ everlastin’ talkers ain’t my idea a 
/a//. ’N’ I ’m free to confess ’s I did get 

some tempered to-day standin’ there listenin’ 
to what did n’t interest me no more ’n a 
pussy-willow, ’n’ me wild to be rootin’ up 
garret all the time. 

‘‘ O’ course he had to tell me all about 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 1S3 


the baby, ’n' how Felicia Hemans is jus' 
come to the silly readin* age 'n' 's wild to 
name it Brunhilde. Seems 's Felicia Hemans 
is out for Brunhilde 'n' the minister 's out 
f'r me. I never hear o' no Brunhilde, 'n' I 
up 'n' told the minister so to his face. 
‘ Who is she anyhow ? ' I says, flat 'n' plain, 
for Lord knows 'f he'd found a rich relation 
I wanted my old flannels for cleanin' cloths 
hereafter. But he 'xplained 's Felicia Hemans 
got Brunhilde out o' a book — the Nibble 
suthin' 'r other. ‘ Oh, well,' I says, ‘ if you 
c'n be suited with namin' your family after 
rats 'n' mice I guess you c'n leave me out,' 
I says, 'n' I kind o' backed off so 's to try 
'n' set him a-goin', but he stood still, 'n' o' 
course no true Christian c'n shut her door in 
her minister's face — even 'f she is stark 
crazy to get to cleanin' her garret. ‘ Why 
don't you name her Minnie after yourself.^ ' 
I says (Minister, you know), but I c'd 
see 't he did n't take to that a tall. ‘ Oh, 
well,' I says then, feelin' 't I must get rid o' 
him somehow, ^ name her after me 'f you 
want to 'n' I 'll give her — ' 'n' I was jus' 
goin' to say ‘ my blessin',' 'n' such a look 
come over his face 'n' — well, Mrs. Lathrop, 


134 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


maybe I ’m too tender-hearted f’r my own 
good, but I jus' had the feelin* 't I c'd 's 
easy pull the legs off o' a live fly 's to dis- 
app'int that face, 'n' so I says ‘ a dollar ' right 
off quick before I really thought. 'N' what 
do you think? — what do you think? 'F 
you 'll believe me he did n't look overly 
pleased, 'n' at that I did warm up a little. 
You don't 'xpect much of a minister, 'n' I 
think as a general rule 't we 're pretty patient 
with ours, but you do 'xpect gratitude, 'n' a 
dollar's a dollar, 'n' considerin' the garret 
into the bargain, I felt my temper cornin' 
pretty high, 'n' I jus' out with what I 'd 
been thinkin' all along 'n' I spoke the truth 
flat 'n' plain right to his face. ‘ I d'n' know,' 
I says, ‘ why I sh'd be 'xpected to give your 
baby more 'n a dollar. She ain't my baby, 
'n' you know 's well 's I do where the blame 
f 'r that lies,' 'n' then I banged the door in 
his face. Maybe it was n't jus' the proper 
thing to do, but 'f ever a woman had no 
need for a minister it was me this mornin'." 

Susan paused, and Mrs. Lathrop seized the 
chance to interpose a question. 

“ *N' about your cousin — " 

But Miss Clegg was already started again. 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 135 


I do get so aggravated when I think 
about the minister/’ she went on. ‘‘ I was say- 
in’ to Mrs. Macy yesterday ’s it does seem ’s 
’f I have harder work keepin’ on smilin’ terms 
with my own minister ’n’ even a Job might 
in reason look for. I would n’t be no woman 
’f I had n’t shown some feelin’ over the way 
’t he went about town tellin’ right ’n’ left 
how nice them stockin’s o’ mine fit him after 
they shrunk too small f’r me, ’n* yet I ain’t 
a mite o’ doubt but what, a’cordin’ to the 
Bible, I ’d ought to ’a’ forgive him ’n’ turned 
the other cheek into the bargain. Mrs. 
Craig says ’s Mr. Kimball ain’t mincin’ 
matters none, but is jus’ statin’ all over ’s 
it ’s all on a’count o’ my havin’ bought the 
wool o’ Shores ; she says ’t he says ’t if I ’d 
bought it o’ him I ’d be wearin’ all four pair 
this very day. She says ’s Mrs. Fisher says 
’s he told her ’t, seein’ things is ’s they is, he ’s 
lookin’ to see them stockin’s keep right on 
shrinkin’ down through the minister’s family 
until they end up ’s socks on the thirteenth 
baby. A joke ’s a joke, ’n’ I c’n see the p’int 
o’ a good joke ’s quick ’s any one, but I mus’ 
say I fail to see any fun in such a remark. 
’S far ’s my observation ’s ’xtended, there 


136 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


ain’t nothin’ ladylike in the minister’s 
wearin’ my stockin’s, nor yet in Mr. Kim- 
ball’s entertainin’ the whole c’mmunity with 
’em. A’cordin’ to my manner o’ thinkin’, a 
woman as ’ll give away four pair o’ brand- 
new hand-knit stockin’s for no better reason 
’n ’t the heels shrunk down under her in- 
step, is doin’ a deed o’ Christian charity 
instead o’ layin’ herself open to all manner 
o’ fun-makin’. ’N’ I ain’t the only one ’s 
views the thing so serious, either, for Mr. 
Shores feels jus’ ’s bad ’s I do about it. He 
come runnin’ to catch me the other day, ’n’ 
asked me ’f I had n’t mebbe used cold water 
for the first washin’. I did n’t feel to thank 
him none f ’r his interest afore he opened his 
mouth, but I c’n assure you, Mrs. Lathrop, 
’t after he’d spoke I jus’ stood there plum- 
petrified ’n’ stock-starin’ f’r ’s much ’s a 
minute afore I c’d get voice to ask who give 
him the authority to teach me how to wash 
my own stockin’s. ’N’ then, when I did 
speak, I made no bones ’s to sayin’ jus’ 
what I thought. I never was one to give 
my opinion o’ anythin’ or anybody aroun’ 
free, but I certainly did feel to be open at 
Mr. Shores. I told him ’s shrunk stockin’s 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 137 


to my order o’ thinkin’ was a species o’ spilt 
milk ’s knowed no turnin’, ’n’ I further told 
him ’t I ’d take it ’s a great kindness ’f he ’n’ 
the rest o’ the town would shut their mouths 
right up tight on my stockin’s. I says to 
him, I says, ‘ Mr. Shores, when your wife 
eloped I was one o’ the few — the very few 
— ’s blamed her^ ’n’ I beg ’n’ pray ’t the 
quality o’ your wool won’t force me to change 
my mind. Your clerk ’t she eloped with,’ 
I says, ‘ once give me a nickel three cent 
piece in place of a dime,’ I says, ‘ ’n’ up to 
the first washin’ o’ them stockin’s 1 never so 
much ’s breathed a suspicion of your mebbe 
dividin’ that seven cents with him. But 
I ain’t so sure now,’ I says, ‘ ’n’ I ain’t 
prepared to say what I ’ll think from now 
on,’ ’n’ then I walked off, leavin’ him 
good ’n’ meek, I c’n assure you ; ’n’ the 
come-out o’ that little game is as my trade, 
which ranged fr’m ten to fifty cents a week 
’n’ always cash, is lost to him forever 
hereafter.” 

Mrs. Lathrop was fairly choking with 
impatience. 

‘^’N’ your cousin — ” she interjected 
quickly, as Susan halted for a slight rest. 


138 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


Yes/’ said that lady, with a certain chill- 
ing air of having up to now suffered from 
inexcusable neglect on the part of her friend, 
I was thinkin’ ’s it was about time ’t you 
begin to show some interest in what I come 
over to tell you — ’n’ me here for the best 
part o’ a good half-hour already. Well, ’n’ 
my cousin ! She come out o’ a letter, Mrs. 
Lathrop, a old torn letter ’s you or any other 
ordinary person would probably ’a’ throwed 
away without even readin’. But I was never 
one to do things slipshod, ’n’ I read every 
scrap ’s I ’ve got time to piece together, so it 
was nothin’ but natural ’s I sh’d quit work 
’s soon ’s I see Cousin Marion’s letter ’n’ 
sit right down to read it. ’N’ it ’s good as I 
did too, for ’f I ’d been careless ’n’ burned 
my rubbish unread. Cousin Marion ’d cer- 
tainly ’a’ burnt with the other scraps, ’n’ as 
a consequence I ’d ’a’ missed about the hap- 
piest minutes ’s I ’ve knowed since father 
died. You c’n believe me or not, jus’ ’s you 
please, Mrs. Lathrop, but I cried over that 
letter ; ’n’ if some was the dust in my nose, 
the rest was real affection, for. Lord knows, 
when you ’re scratchin’ out mice ’n’ cobwebs 
you ain’t lookin’ to find a relation none. 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 139 


But anyhow, there she was, if she ain’t 
died in the mean time — Pr the letter was 
wrote over fifty years ago — I may know 
suthin’ o’ family life yet. It was the beauti- 
fullest letter ’t I ever read. You c’dn’t im- 
agine nothin’ more beautiful. I ’m afraid ’s 
mebbe mother ’n’ me misjudged father, owin’ 
to the everlastin’ up ’n’ down stairs, ’n’ 
mother used to say right out ’t it was a neck 
to neck tie ’s to which he stuck closest to, 
his bed or his money. But he was n’t always 
like that, ’n’ this letter proves it, for Heaven 
knows what he must ’a’ give Cousin Marion 
to ’a’ ever brought her to write him such 
words ’s them. Not to deceive you, Mrs. 
Lathrop, the letter was that grateful that I 
was more ’n a little bothered over it. It 
is n’t very likely ’s you sh’d be able to 
understan’ my feelin’s to their full, ’n’ yet 
you c’n mebbe guess ’s it ain’t altogether a 
agreeable thing to suddenly find out ’t your 
own native flesh ’n’ blood father ’s got dis- 
tant relations callin’ down daily blessin’s 
on him f’r his overwhelmin’ generosity. 
That’s what she said in the letter, ’n’ I 
can’t deny ’s the words sent a cold chill 
runnin’ down my back-bone ’s I read ’em. 


140 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


“ The whole letter was writ in the same 
style, 'n* it did n't take long f 'r me to see 
right straight through it, 'n' hatch more 'n 
a suspicion 't the reason 't I never hear o' 
Cousin Marion afore was 'cause she was head 
over heels in love with father. It was real 
touchin' too to think how near her letter 
came to bein' one o' mother's, 'n' in the end 
I jus' sneezed till I cried, for, to my shame 
be it said, Mrs. Lathrop, 't the dust was 's 
thick in my garret this day 's it is in your 
parlor the year aroun'." 

Susan paused to shake her head and use 
her pocket-handkerchief over her souvenirs 
in general. Mrs. Lathrop sat dumb and 
attentive. 

“ Marion Prim was her name," the nar- 
rator continued presently, “ 'n' she writ it 
from Knoxville fifty-one years ago come last 
October. Did you ever hear of her ? " 

Mrs. Lathrop screwed her face up thought- 
fully, but was forced to screw it into a nega- 
tion after all. 

Seems funny 't father never spoke o' 
her after mother w'as so far past bein' jealous 
's to be buried. He c'd 'a' said anythin' 
about anybody them years, 'n' 'f I had time 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 141 


to listen I 'd ’a’ been bound to hear, but to 
my certain knowledge he never said one 
word o’ family ’xcept to remark over ’ri’ 
over ’s he thanked the Lord Almighty ’s he 
had n’t got none, which words I naturally 
took ’s signifyin’ ’s he was speakin’ the 
truth. Still a man is a man, ’n’ this letter 
proves ’s you can’t even be sure o’ one ’s 
has been in bed under your own eye P r 
twenty years, Pr it not only shows ’s he did 
have a relation, but it shows suthin’ else too ; 
it shows me, ’s has had four men all tryin’ 
to marry me inside o’ the same week, ’t 
suthin’ pretty close to love-makin’ ’d passed 
between her ’s wrote this letter ’n’ him ’s 
kept it carefully hid away till long after he 
was dead. There ’s a shakiness about the 
writin’ ’n’ a down-hilledness about the lines 
’s lets me right into the secret o’ their hearts, 
’n’ I ’m willin’ to venture a guess ’t Cousin 
Marion c’d get money out o’ father with less 
pain ’n mother could, under which circum- 
stances I don’t blame mother for closin’ 
down on the subjeck. 

“ The more I consider that letter up ’n’ 
down ’n’ hind end to, Mrs. Lathrop, the 
plainer I see ’s Cousin Marion must ’a’ been 


142 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


a sore 'n* abidin’ thorn inside o’ father ’n’ 
mother. Perhaps it was that as give him 
the paralysis ! The doctor said ’s it was 
suthin’ obscure, ’n’ ’f suthin’ ’s ain’t found 
out till years after you ’re dead ain’t obscure 
I don’t know what is. Anyway I ’ve took 
my stand ’n’ it was the only sensible one to 
take. This ’s the first chance I ’ve ever had 
in all my life to get a nice change without 
payin’ board, ’n’ so I jus’ sat right down ’n’ 
wrote to Cousin Marion ’t ’f it was conven- 
ient to her I ’d come to Knoxville ’n’ spend 
next Sunday. She ’s bound to be pleased ’t 
bein’ remembered after fifty years, ’n’ I ’ve 
got father’s nose, ’n’ that ’ll help some, o’ 
course. She can’t be worse ’n dead, ’n’ ’f 
she’s dead ’n’ don’t answer I sha’n’t never 
give the subjeck another thought, Pr I 
naturally ain’t got very fond o’ her jus’ 
from findin’ her musty old letter stuck in 
behind the flap of a trunk ’s I ’ve been achin’ 
to hack to pieces these last twenty years. I 
never went up in my garret without I skinned 
myself somewhere on that trunk, ’n’ you 
know how often I go up garret, Mrs. 
Lathrop, so it goes without sayin’ ’s I ’ve 
been considerably skinned first ’n’ last. But 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 143 


Y she sh’d be alive 'n* I sh’d get to go there, 
the Lord knows I certainly shall rejoice to 
have some o’ my own to talk to, P r blood is 
thicker ’n water, ’n’ although 1 don’t want 
to hurt your feelin’s, Mrs. Lathrop, still 
you can’t in conscience deny ’s you ain’t 
no conversationalist. Nobody is that I 
know hereabouts, neither. The minister 
talks some, but I ’m always thinkin’ how 
much more I want to tell him things ’n I 
ever want to hear what he has to say, so I 
can’t in truth feel ’s his talkin’ gives me 
much pleasure. Mrs. Macy ’s great on 
gaspin’, but she don’t as a general thing get 
very far, ’n’ so the long ’n’ short o’ the 
whole thing is ’t if Cousin Marion ain’t a 
change P r the better she can’t noways be a 
change Pr the worst, ’n’ so I ’ve made up 
my mind to sail right in ’n’ risk her. 

I ’ve thought ’s it ’ll be a nice idea to 
take her father’s cane for a present; it’ll 
surely come very handy to her, — ’f she ’s 
alive a tally — ’n’ since Mr. Kimball over- 
persuaded me into buyin’ one o’ them 
patent carpet-beaters, it ain’t no manner 
o’ service to me. Not ’si ain’t sure ’t 
I don’t really prefer the cane to the 


144 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


patent, but I Ve paid for the new thing 
*n’ I ain’t goin’ to go to work to make my- 
self feel ’s I Ve wasted my money. The 
carpet-beater ain ’t up to Mr. Kimball’s talk 
by long odds, ’n’ so far from turnin’ into a 
egg-beater in the wink of your eye like he 
promised, you ’ve got to grip it fast between 
your knees ’n’ get your back ag’in a flour-bin 
to turn it into anythin’ a tall. ’N’ then 
when it does turn, so far from bein’ a joy it 
lets up so quick ’t you find yourself most 
anywhere. Mrs. Craig was gettin’ her brace 
ag’in the hen-house, ’n’ when it let up she 
sat down so sudden ’t she smashed the hen- 
house ’n’ a whole settin’ o’ duck-eggs not to 
speak of the hen between. Mrs. Macy says 
’t seein’ ’s she has more eggs ’n carpets, she 
jus’ beats her carpets with the egg end ’n’ 
don’t fuss to change ever. Mrs. Fisher 
says what puts her out is ’t the ring ’s you 
slide up to close the whisks for killin’ flies 
won’t stay up, ’n the flies don’t get killed 
but jus’ get hit so they buzz without stoppin’ 
from then on. Mrs. Jilkins says right out 
’s she considers the whole thing a swindle, ’n’ 
’f Mr. Kimball was n’t rentin’ his store o’ 
her brother she sh’d tell him so to his face. 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 145 


She says the three-inch measure on the 
handle 's too short to be o* any real service 
on a farm, 'n* her opinion is 't Mr. Kimball 
keeps his sample dipped in kerosene or he 
never could snap it in ’n’ out so quick. 
Anyhow it all comes in the end to the fact 
’t, havin' bought it, I 'll work it 'f I die f’r 
it, 'n' so Cousin Marion c'n have the cane, 
'n' may she be everlastin'ly happy usin' it. 
I did n't get my trunk down 'cause I 'll have 
Friday to pack anyhow, 'n' any one c'n slide 
a trunk down a ladder any time, but nobody 
can't never slide nothin' up nowhere. Be- 
sides, I sh'd look like a fool puttin' back a 
trunk 't I 'd hauled out to visit a cousin who 
like enough died afore I was born, 'n' I ain't 
no fool, — never was 'n' never will be." 

There was a short stop for a fresh supply 
of breath. 

“ I wonder 'f — " began Mrs. Lathrop. 

‘‘ The difficulty o' all things in this world," 
Miss Clegg went on promptly, “ is 't if you 
have any brains a tall you 're bound to have 
so much work for 'em. Now, this findin' 
o' Cousin Marion no doubt looks simple 
enough to you 'n' the world in general, 'n' 
yet the more I turn her up 'n' down 'n' 


146 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


inside out the more new lights I get. When 
you come to consider 't I only found the 
letter this mornin’, 'n' that it ain’t supper- 
time yet, you c’n easy see ’s my day ’s been 
more ’n full o’ brain-work. Cornin’ up the 
street this afternoon, the question o’ the 
possibility o’ Cousin Marion’s bein’ poor 
come into my mind. I c’n speak out freely 
to you, Mrs. Lathrop, ’n’ so I will remark 
’t I c’n guarantee ’s father never give her 
nothin’ o’ late years, ’n’ ’f she ’s poor it 
don’t take no eagle eye to know jus’ what ’ll 
happen when she gets my letter. ’F the 
letter had n’t been posted ’n’ the sack gone 
to the train afore I thought o’ this view o’ 
the matter, I ’m free to confess ’s I never 
would ’a’ posted it a talL For there ’s no 
use denyin’, Mrs. Lathrop, ’t, ’f my visit to 
Cousin Marion sh’d lead to her askin’ to 
borrow ’s much ’s a quarter, I sh’ll bitterly 
regret ever havin’ clawed her out from back 
o’ that trunk-flap. There ain’t no possible 
good ’s c’n ever come o’ lendin’ money to 
them ’s ain’t able to pay it back, ’n’ I learned 
that lesson to my bitter cost once ’n’ for all 
time when I had that little business with 
Sam Duruy. That took all the likin’ to 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 147 


lend out o’ me, ’n’ Heaven help me ’f I 
ever forget it. I thought I was so safe, 
Mrs. Lathrop, — I looked in all four o’ his 
hoofs, ’n’ swished my handkerchief in each 
o’ his eyes, ’n’ he was certainly lively, so I 
planked down my little five dollars ’n’ Sam 
was to keep on drivin’ the horse. Well, 
you know ’s well ’s I do what happened, ’n’ 
the skin brought seventy-five cents. Sam 
sued the railroad, ’n’ the railroad asked why 
he did n’t read the ^ Look out for the Loco- 
motive.’ I told him to go into court ’n’ 
swear ’s he could n’t read, but he said Judge 
Fitch used to be his school-teacher ’n’ 
knowed ’s he could. ’N’ then I offered to 
go to court myself ’n’ silear on the Bible 
’s the whole town looked on him ’s more ’n 
half a idiot, ’n’ Mr. Duruy jus’ sat right 
flat down on the whole thing. So they 
did n’t even pay his lawyer, ’n’ it goes with- 
out sayin’ ’t o’ course he could n’t pay me ; 
’n’ then, do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, ’f 
he did n’t have the impudence this very 
afternoon to stop me down in the square ’n’ 
ask me ’f I would n’t lend him ten cents on 
a rooster ! I was pretty nigh to put out over 
that, I c’n assure you. I mus’ ’a’ stared at 


148 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


him f ’r 's much ’s ten seconds afore I sensed 
’t he was really fool enough to think 't 
mebbe I was fool enough too. ’N' then I 
let out at him. ‘ Not while I have the 
breath o’ life in my body/ I says, — ’n’ it 
shook ’s I said it, — ^ not ’f I know my 
own mind. What ’s to guarantee me/ I 
says, ‘ ’s your rooster won’t take it into his 
head to go a-promenadin’ on the railway 
track ? ’ I says. He begin to tell ’s how, 
even dead, the rooster was worth more ’n 
ten cents. ‘ I d’n’ know about that/ I says, 
‘ it don’t strike me ’s noways likely ’t when 
he suddenly observes the engine ’most on 
top o’ him, he ’s goin’ to take the time ’n’ 
trouble to lay his head square ’n* even across 
the rail, ’n’ you know ’s well ’s I do ’t no 
rooster killed cornerways ain’t never goin’ 
to bring no nickel apiece for his corners. 
No, Mister Sam Duruy,’ I says, ‘ your 
lively horse ’s taught me a lesson,’ I says, 
‘ ’n’ hereafter I don’t lend no money on so 
much ’s a egg without I see a good curb-bit 
bought ’n’ put in its mouth first,’ I says ; 
’n’ then I walked off, ’n’ the end o’ it all is 
’t if Cousin Marion ’s poor I certainly ain’t 
very wild to have her find out ’s I ’m rich. 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 149 


‘‘ But then, I ain’t very anxious to have 
her rich either, I must say, for it don’t take 
no blind man to figger out ’t if she ’s rich 
the money ’d ought to ’a’ been mine. ’N’ 
that ’s a awful feelin’, Mrs. Lathrop, — the 
feelin’ ’s other folks ’s rich on money ’s ’d 
ought to ’a’ been yours. I ain’t sure ’s I 
want to know Cousin Marion ’f such ’s the 
facts o’ her case, ’n’ ’s between her bein’ poor 
’n’ wantin’ money o’ me, ’n’ her bein’ rich 
on money right out o’ my pocket, I feel 
like I mebbe clum that ladder this mornin’ 
in a evil hour f ’r my future peace o’ mind, 
f “ ’N’ then, too, ’f she’s rich I certainly 
can’t go to see her without I buy me a new 
bonnet. ’F she’s rich, o’ course I want her 
to see right off ’s I ’m rich too, ’n’ bein’ ’s 
we ’re old friends ’n’ alone here together, I 
c’n truthfully state ’s she could n’t in reason 
mistrust no such thing from my bonnet. 
It ’s a good bonnet, ’n’ it ’s been a good bon- 
net year in ’n* year out ’n’ in rain ’n’ shine 
turn an’ turn about, but I never was give 
to deceivin’ myself no more nor a outsider, 
’n’ so I will frankly say ’t it ’s long past its 
first shininess. Miss White’s freshened it 
up two times for me, ’n’ I always have new 


150 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


ribbons to tie it every other Easter, but still, 
in the box or out o' the box, its day is past 
for lookin' brand-new, 'n' I don't deny the 
truth 's a more foolish woman might feel 
some inclined to do. So, such bein' the 
case. Cousin Marion 'n' a new bonnet comes 
to one 'n' the same thing, 'n' I can't say 's 
bonnet-buyin' 's a way o’ spendin' money 's 
is over-agreeable to me. However, 'f it is 
to be it is to be, 'n' I sha'n’t cry over nothin’. 
I 'll buy the bonnet, 'n' I guess 'f she talks 
to me about her money I c’n come out right 
quick 'n^' sharp 'n' talk about mine. 'N' 
I guess T c’n talk her down — I 'll try good 
'n' hard, I know that, 'N' 'f she sh'd 
put me beyond all patience, I 'll jus' make 
no bones about it, but get right up 'n' 
smash her flat with her own letter o' fifty 
years ago. I don't believe nobody c'd put 
on airs in the face o' their own name signed 
to bein' saved from want by the kind, 
graspin' hand o' my dead 'n' gone father.” 

Susan ceased speaking, and rose suddenly 
to her feet. 

“ I must go,” she said ; “ it 's time I was 
seein’ about supper, 'n' it's been a hard day 
first 'n' last. It's been 'xcitin', 'n' I cleaned 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 151 


the garret too, ’n* then my mind 's all upset 
's to travellin’, *i\ I Ve got to consider a 
lot afore I c’n decide ’s to anythin'. 'N' I 
only feel plum sure o' one thing, 'n' that 
is 's I don't want to buy no new bonnet. 
Bonnets is a awful waste o' money, 'n' 
I 've got nothin' inside o' me 's cries out 
to extravagance. But speakin' o' waste 
reminds me over again 's I don't want to 
throw no more time away on you, so, 's I 'm 
always frank 'n' open, I 'll jus' say so 'n* 
go now." 


The letter which Susan Clegg had mailed 
to her cousin Marion Prim, Knoxville, " 
did actually reach the hands of the person 
for whom it was intended, and the evening 
of the second day after brought an answer 
which the two friends studied together in a 
mutual intellectual darkness. 

Says she 's lived for fifty years on the 
motto, ‘ S'fficient unto the day 's the evil 
thereof,' 'n' now my letter's come," — it 
was thus that Susan voiced her understand- 
ing of the matter, — ‘‘says I c'n come 'f I 
want to, 'n' mebbe it'll be some consokr 


152 SUSAN CLEGG'S COUSIN MARION 


tion ! I don’t call that by no means cor- 
dial, but I ’m bound to consider ’t ’f Cousin 
Marion’s any kin to father she couldn’t 
naturally be very open-hearted, ’n’ I must 
overlook her with a good grace ’n’ a clear 
conscience. I ’ll go because I ’ve made up 
my mind to go, but I won’t take no trunk 
nor yet buy no new bonnet.” 

Mrs. Lathrop offering no counter advice. 
Miss Clegg returned to the shelter of her 
own roof, and to judge by the banging and 
squeaking that ensued, burglars were barred 
out from even daring to dream of a possible 
raid during the absence which was to be 
upon the following day. About nine o’clock 
peace fell over all and lasted until the dawn 
of the eventful Saturday. 

When Susan was all ready to start for the 
station, she called her friend to the fence and 
shook hands with her so warmly that the 
tears overflowed the awe in the other’s 
eyes. 

‘‘ Good-bye, Mrs. Lathrop,” she said 
with a solemnity that had nothing to relieve 
its sombreness and much to deepen the im- 
pressiveness of the moment. “ Good-bye ! 
I ’m goin’ now, ’n’ I sh’ll be back this even- 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 153 


in 'n* so help me God while I 'm gone, 
for I have a goose-flesh kind o’ a sensation 
’t I ’m goin’ to get a surprise.” 

Mrs. Lathrop clung to her in a heart- 
wrung silence. Both the friends were deeply 
affected, feeling that this journey was a some- 
thing quite apart from Susan’s ordinary 
every-day little expeditions to the city. 
Finally Miss Clegg withdrew her hand, 
straightened out the resultant wrinkles in her 
mitt, and stalked away. Mrs. Lathrop sighed 
sadly, returned to her own rocker, and en- 
tered upon the course of a long day of 
patient waiting. 

It was about three in the afternoon that, 
to her great surprise, she saw Miss Clegg 
returning. There was something altogether 
new and strange in the gait of the latter 
while she was at a distance, and as she drew 
nearer Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes and mouth 
opened together. The nearer that Susan 
drew the more provocative of astonishment 
was her general appearance. To sum up 
the whole state of the case in as few words 
as possible, I will say that she seemed to 
have barely survived some hitherto totally 
unknown species of catastrophe. Mrs. La- 


154 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


throp, much overcome, ran to the door and 
cried, — 

“ Come over ! I Ve got the kettle — 

I was cornin’ anyhow,” Susan called 
feebly back, and wearily dragging herself 
through the gate, along the walk, and up the 
steps, sank down finally in one of the kitchen 
chairs. 

Mrs. Lathrop hastened to fortify her with 
hot tea and gingerbread. She ate and drank 
in silence for some time, only volunteering, 
as she took the third cup, — 

“ I ain’t had nothin’ since I left home.” 

‘^Didn’t you find your — ” Mrs. La- 
throp began eagerly. 

Cousin ? ” said the traveller, in a tone 
that suggested revelations as yet unrevealed, 
— oh, yes, Mrs. Lathrop, I found my 
cousin.” 

Mrs. Lathrop felt herself to be silenced, 
and spoke no more. Miss Clegg drank all 
the tea and ate all the gingerbread. Then, 
when there was nothing else left to do, she 
declared herself satisfied, and fixing her gaze 
mercilessly upon the quaking listener, dis- 
charged her first shot. 

“ I wish I ’d never gone ! ” 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 155 


This statement was made with a vigor that 
supported its truth in full. Mrs. Lathrop 
quivered slightly, and waited breathlessly to 
hear more. 

I wish I ’d never gone, ’n* for the future, 
Mrs. Lathrop, I dl thank you to never so 
much 's breathe a relation anywhere near 
me, for I Ve had enough family to-day to 
last me from here to Gabriel 'n’ his trumpet, 
’n’ T I ever forget this hour may I die in 
that one.’’ 

Mrs. Lathrop gasped. 

Susan coughed and gripped her hands 
tightly together. 

Mrs. Lathrop, the Bible says ’s we may 
never know what a day ’ll bring forth, ’n’ ’f 
I ’d ’a’ known that this day was gettin’ ready 
to hatch such a Cousin Marion ’s I found, 
I certainly would ’a’ spent it some other 
way. When I think o’ the cheerful lovin’ 
spirit ’s I pinned my wave on in, ’n’ then 
reflect on what I pinned it on to, I can’t but 
feel ’t if I ain’t a fool I ’d ought to be one, 
’n’ I can’t say nothin’ stronger for the way I 
feel. They say ’s the Devil ’s the father o’ 
lies, but it’s a slander. The Devil is a 
floatin’ angel by the side o’ that letter ’s I 


156 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


found. It was a He, Mrs. Lathrop, a lie from 
first to last, 'n' it makes my blood run cold 
to think o’ all the years that I lived right 
underneath it ’n’ never ’s much ’s dreamed 
o’ the iniquity up in that old trunk over my 
head.” 

Mrs. Lathrop gasped again. 

Mrs. Lathrop, I never had it in me to 
conceal nothin’ from you. We’ve been 
good friends ’n’ true through thick ’n’ thin, 
through my father ’n’ your son ’n’ every 
other species o’ Heaven-sent infliction, f’r 
years ’n’ years ’n’ years. ’N’ now I ain’t 
goin’ to shut you out o’ the inside truth o’ 
this awful day. You see me set off this 
mornin’ bright ’n’ beamin’, ’n’ you see me 
come home this night burnin’ ’n’ bitter, ’n’ 
it ’s nothin’ but right ’s you sh’d be fully took 
in to the betwixt ’n’ between. It’ll mebbe 
be a lesson to you some day if anythin’ sh’d 
come up ’s led you to look to be extra happy 
all of a sudden, ’n’ you ’ll remember this 
hour ’n’ jus’ firmly go back into the house 
’n’ shut the door ’n’ say, ‘ Life ’s a delu- 
sion ’n’ a snare, like Susan Clegg’s Cousin 
Marion.’ It’s better for you to learn the 
lesson ’s all is vanity now, than to wait ’n’ 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 157 


have it fall on your head like a unexpected 
pickle-jar, the way 's this day 's fell on 
mine.” 

Mrs. Lathrop's eyes grew big. 

“ Mrs. Lathrop, in the first place I started 
out all wrong. Knoxville ain’t on this line 
a tall. It ’s on the A. ’n’ B., ’n’ only the 
junction is on this line. Mrs. Lathrop, don’t 
you never trust yourself to no junction in 
this world o’ sin ’n’ sorrow, whatever else 
you may in your folly see fit to commit. 
My experience c’n jus’ ’s well be a warnin’ 
to you too, f’r I was put off three miles 
from where there ain’t no omnibus, ’n’ I had 
to leg it over a road ’s is laid out three hills 
to the mile. I ain’t one ’s is give to idle 
words, but I will remark ’t by the time I ’d 
clum the fourth hill I had n’t no kind o’ 
family feelin’s left alive within me, ’n’ when 
I did finally get to Knoxville I was so nigh 
to puffed out ’t I c’d hardly find breath to 
ask where Cousin Marion did live. It was 
a boy skippin’ rope ’s I asked, ’n’ he never 
quit skippin’ for one second out o’ polite- 
ness. Seems he was doin’ a thousand steady 
on a bet, ’n’ I ’m free to confess ’s I felt 
pretty foolish askin’ questions ’n’ his rope 


158 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


like to catch on my nose every other word. 
I finally made out, though, ’s Cousin Marion 
lived out the other end o’ town, ’n’ so I 
walked on till I come to the road. Mrs. 
Lathrop, it was another road o’ hills, ’n’ I 
must say ’s the sight made my blood run 
cold for the third time in one day. F’r a 
minute I thought seriously o’ jus’ takin’ a 
train away ag’in ’n’ lettin’ Cousin Marion 
fiddle alone f’r another fifty years, f’r I 
give you my word o’ honor, Mrs. Lathrop, 
’s I was ’most dead, ’n’ Lord only knows 
what made me keep on, f’r what came after 
was enough to shake my faith in the Lord 
forever ’f I really believed ’s any one but 
Cousin Marion had one word to say in the 
matter. But I was raised to finish up all 
things ’s is begun, ’n’ I snapped my teeth 
tight together ’n’ set out over them extra 
hills with all the resignation ’s I c’d scrape 
up f’r the need o’ the moment. I was hot 
inside ’n’ hot outside, but I ’d made up my 
mind to see the thing through ’n’ so I 
pegged right along. 

Well, Mrs. Lathrop, ’f I was on the 
witness stand with Bibles above ’n’ below, I 
c’d n’t but swear ’s it was two miles ’f it was 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 159 


a cent. even then they was a long two 
miles. I was on my very last legs when I 
got there, 'n’ nothin’ ’t I see revived me 
none. Mrs. Lathrop, the awfullest old 
tumble-down house ’s ever you see — pigs 
in the yard, ’n’ ‘ Prim ’ on the gate-post ! 
’N’ me standin’ pantin’ for breath, ’n’ related 
to ’em all ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes grew bigger and 
bigger. 

“ There was a old man a-sittin’ on a chair 
on the porch in one boot ’n’ one slipper ’n’ 
a cane. He looked ’t me ’s if it ’d be 
nothin’ but a joy to him to eat me up alive 
’n’ jus’ relish to gnaw the bones afterwards. 
You c’n maybe realize, Mrs. Lathrop, ’s I 
was n’t no ways happy ’s I walked a little 
piece up towards him ’n’ said ’s I ’d like to 
see my cousin, Marion Prim. He give such 
a nod ’s seemed ’s if his head ’d fly off, ’n’ 
I took it ’s she was somewhere near ’n’ 
a-comin’. So, ’s I was all used up, I jus’ 
started to sink right down on the steps to 
wait for her. 

Oh, my soul ’n’ body, that minute ! — 
The awful shock ! — Oh, Mrs. Lathrop ! 
you never in all your life dreamed such a 


160 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


yell ’s he give ! I like to went deaf! I 
jumped worse 'n Y I ’d been shot stone-dead. 
Wild whoopin’ Indians was sleepin’ babes 
beside him. ‘ Not on my steps 1 ’ he shrieked, 
poundin’ with his cane ’n’ shakin’ with his 
fist, — ^ not on my steps,’ he howled louder 
’n all below, — ‘ not while I ’m alive I — not 
while I c’n prevent 1 — not while I c’n help 
it ! — no Clegg sits afore me, not now ’n’ not 
never 1 ’ You c’n imagine, Mrs. Lathrop, ’s 
I did n’t get very far to sat down under them 
circumstances. I trembled all over, ’n’ I 
backed off quite a little ways ’n’ looked at 
him. He kept chokin’ ’n’ gaspin’ ’n’ purple 
’ll’ swallowin’, ’n’ after a while I got up cour- 
age to ask him where Cousin Marion was. 
’N’ then — oh, Mrs. Lathrop 1 — ’n’ then — 
well, honest, I thought ’s he was goin’ to bust! 
— ’n’ then, ‘ I ’m Cousin Marion ! ’ he yelled 
right in my face, — ‘I’m Cousin Marion, 
Susan Clegg ! ’ ’n’ at that, Mrs. Lathrop, 
I went so faint in my knees ’n’ so rumbly in 
my ears ’t you c’d ’a’ clubbed me with a 
straw ’n’ gagged nw with a wisp o’ hay that 
minute. I jus’ stood starin’, ’n’ you c’n be- 
lieve me or not just ’s you please, but I never 
was so nigh to fallen over backwards in all 


SUSAN CLEGG'S COUSIN MARION 161 


my life before. I c’d feel cold drops like 
water on a duck’s back, ’n’ my senses was 
that mixed ’t ’f you ’d told me ’s my heels 
was in my hair I would n’t ’a’ doubted you. 
I d’n’ know ’s I ever was scared in all my life 
afore, but when he screamed them awful 
words, my very insides got clammy. I 
c’d n’t say a livin’ word, I c’d n’t make a 
livin’ move ; I c’d only stand ’n’ shake ’n’ 
listen, ’n’ him keepin’ on yellin’ ’n’ poundin’ 
like mad. 

‘‘ ‘ Susan Clegg,’ he screamed, ‘ Susan 
Clegg,’ — ’n’ he kep’ poundin’ harder ’n’ 
harder ’n’ gettin’ redder ’n’ redder every 
minute, — ‘ Susan Clegg, I ’m glad you ’ve 
come ; I ’ve wanted you to come ; I ’ve 
wanted you to come f’r a long time. I did n’t 
know who it ’d be, but I ’ve been wantin’ 
somebody to come ’n’ been waitin’ f’r ’em to 
come f’r fifty years ’n’ more too. I ’ve been 
holdin in f’r fifty years ! I ’ve been thinkin’ 
what I wanted to say f’r fifty years ! Now 
I c’n say it ! Now I c’n be happy sayin’ it ! 
I wish it was your father’s ears a-shiverin’ 
there afore me, but yours ’ll do.’ 

My heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, you ’d 
ought to ’a’ seen him ! He went from red 


162 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


to purple from purple to mos’ black, ’n* 
his eyes stood right out, 'n’ he shook his cane 
right in my face ’n’ screamed loud enough to 
set the dead jumpin'. 

‘‘ ‘ Susan Clegg, your father was a shark ! 
Susan Clegg, your father was a skinflint ! 
Susan Clegg, your father was a miser ! Susan 
Clegg, your father was a thief! ' 'n' all this 
with me where I c'd n’t but hear, Mrs. 
Lathrop, ’n’ he must ’a’ known it too. 
‘ Susan Clegg, I was a young man in diffi- 
culties,’ he says, ‘ ’n’ I wanted a hunderd 
dollars bad,’ he says, ‘ ’n’ ’f I ’d had it I c’d 
’a’ bought into a nice business ’n’ married a 
nice girl with a nice property ’n’ made this 
place blossom like a wilderness ’n’ seen the 
fig-trees o’ my fig-trees sittin’ in my shade. 
’N’ I went to your father, ’n’ I told him all 
the inmost recesses o’ my heart o’ hearts,’ he 
says, ‘ ’n’ ’xplained to him how ’n’ why ’n’ 
wherefore the business c’d n’t but pay, ’n’ 
then took him to see the girl ’n’ p’inted out all 
her good p’ints, ’n’ then asked him to lend 
me the hunderd dollars, ’n’ hired a livery 
horse ’n’ drove him home to think about it. 
’N’ what followed after, Susan Clegg,’ — oh, 
Mrs. Lathrop, I never see the like o’ the 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 163 


way he suddenly swelled ’n’ blued right then ! 
— ‘ ’n* what come next? I waited the wait 
o’ the innocent ’n’ trustin’ for one long ’n’ 
unremittin’ week, ’n’ then, when I was nigh 
to mad with sittin’ on red-hot needles by day 
’n’ by night without let or hindrance, what 
did he answer ? — what did he answer to him 
’s laid in the hollow o’ his hand, confidin’ 
fully ’n’ freely in his seein’ what a good in- 
vestment it ’d be ? What did he answer, 
Susan Clegg? He answered 's he c’d n’t do 
it, ’n’ ’s it was n’t no possible use whatever to 
ask him again ! Susan Clegg, I smashed a 
winder,’ he says, ‘ right then ’n’ there,’ he 
says, ‘ ’n’ I writ a letter ’n’ it must ’a’ 
been that letter ’s you found, Pr I never writ 
him no other afore or after. ’N’ then I 
went West to make my fortune ’n’ I did n’t 
make no fortune, but I got my hands on a 
hunderd dollars *n’ I come home lickety-split 
to buy that business ’n’ marry that girl. I 
went first to see about the business ’s it was 
right ’n’ natural ’t I sh’d, ’n’ what did I find, 
Susan Clegg, what did I find ? ’ Mrs. 
Lathrop, I never see the like in all my days, 
born or unborn. I thought he ’d yell my 
head off. ‘ I found your father ’d bought 


164 SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 


the business, my business, ’n’ I was left out 
in the freezin’, icy cold ! Susan Clegg, I 
smashed a table,’ he says, ‘ ’n ’ two chairs,’ 
he says, ‘ ’n’ I went to see the girl ’n’ ask 
her to wait a little longer, — ’n’. Fire ’n’ 
Brimstone ’n’ Saltpetre, ’f your father had n’t 
gone ’n’ married the girl, — my girl ! 

‘ ’N’ there was all below to pay,’ he says, 
‘ ’n’ I vowed bloody murder,’ he says, ‘ ’n’ 
they had me up ’n’ bound me over to keep 
the peace, *n’ then they moved away. ’N’ 
I sat down to wait f’r my vengeance,’ he 
says, ‘ ’n’ I ’ve waited fifty years,’ he says. 
^ I ’ve spent fifty years grindin’ my teeth ’n’ 
whettin’ the edge o’ rhy fury, ’n’ now — ’ 

Mrs. Lathrop, I did n’t wait to hear no 
more. I didn’t feel like I had strength to. 
I run. ’N’, heavens, how I run ! I lit 
out like I was paid for it, ’n’ I bet I clum 
every last one o’ them hills ’s fast on the 
up ’s the down. When I got to the station 
there was a train jus’ pullin’ out f’r I did n’t 
know where, ’n’ I hopped aboard like I was 
shot. It took me to Meadville, ’n’ I had 
to pay the ’xtra fare ’n’ wait two hours to 
get another back here, ’n’ I ain’t really half 
through shakin’ yet.” 


SUSAN CLEGG’S COUSIN MARION 165 


Susan stopped, took out her handker- 
chief and carefully passed it over her brow 
as one who strives to brush away torment- 
ing visions. 

Mrs. Lathrop sat mute and motionless, 
completely overwhelmed by the recital of 
her friend’s tragic story. 

After a few minutes Miss Clegg put her 
handkerchief back in her pocket and turned 
a sad and solemn, yet tender look upon her 
companion. 

Lord knows I ’m done with relations 
from this day on,” she said slowly but 
with great distinctness. I feel like here- 
after I ’ll be content with jus’ you, Mrs. 
Lathrop, ’n’ I can’t say nothin’ stronger f ’r 
what I ’ve jus’ lived through.” 

Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes filled with gratitude 
at this compliment. 

But she said nothing. 


V 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 

M rs. LATHROP had been unable 
to attend the usual Friday afternoon 
Sewing Society on account of her pickling. 
She had completely forgotten what day of 
the week it was until she had picked all 
of a dozen cucumbers and it was then too 
late to stay the tide of events. The pick- 
ling had to go forward, and one of the best 
listeners in the Sewing Society was forced 
to remain away in consequence. 

‘‘ I guess you ’ll have to go a — ” she 
called across the open space between their 
kitchen doors when she saw Susan putting 
on her black mitts in the window about two 
o’clock, — the hour at which they usually 
sallied forth in company. 

‘‘ Alone,” Susan called back — well, I 
should say ’t I am goin’ alone. ’F you 
c’u’d see yourself this minute, Mrs. La- 

166 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 167 


throp, you ’d easy understand ’t even T you 
wanted to go no one in their senses 'd be 
able to go with you Pr fear o* bein’ took 
for a lunatic.” 

Mrs. Lathrop glanced dubiously down 
over herself 

“I spilt — ” she began apologetically. 

“ 1 c’n see it from here,” said Susan, ‘‘ ’n’ 
’s long ’s we ’re on the subjeck I want to 
remark right now ’t, with the wind settin’ 
the way it ’s blowin’ to-day, I don’t want 
you to burn nothin’ while I ’m gone. ’F 
you ’ll excuse my bein’ so open with you, 
Mrs. Lathrop, I ’ll say ’t a woman in your 
circumstances ought not to waste nothin’ by 
burnin’ it anyhow, ’n’ ’f she does do any- 
thin’ so foolish no woman in my circum- 
stances ’d ought to have her house all 
smelled up.” 

“ I ain’t goin’ — ” began the neighbor. 

‘‘ That reminds me ’t I am,” rejoined 
she of the black mitts ; and so saying, she 
quitted the window and was presently seen 
departing down her front walk, — a pleasing 
object in a bonnet of the jetted era and a 
shawl of no date whatever. 

Mrs. Lathrop divided her afternoon be- 


168 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


tween active service over the vinegar kettle 
and long rests of delicious unconsciousness 
in the kitchen rocker. Her temperament 
was not one which wore itself out in vain 
regrets over what might have been, and 
then too she knew that Susan was at the 
meeting and from Susan she would learn all 
that might there transpire. About half-past 
five she began to glance out of the window 
which looked furthest down the street, and 
some ten minutes later her watching was 
rewarded by the sight of Miss Clegg and 
another lady approaching slowly. An ani- 
mated conversation appeared to be in prog- 
ress between the two, and at the gate of 
Mrs. Lathrop’s dearest friend they made a 
long halt while the latter appeared to be 
laying down some form of law with un- 
common vigor and pointing its points off 
with her knitting, which she waved about in 
a manner unwontedly reckless. 

Mrs. Lathrop — having not only spilt 
more during the afternoon, but also been 
twice the victim of what is technically known 
as ‘‘ boiling over ” — felt quite unable to 
make a third at the gate party, and so was 
forced to masticate her impatience and hover 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 169 


in the window until Susan turned at last and 
came up her walk. 

“Can you come — ” then called the eager 
waiter. 

“Not till after I get my supper/’ the 
other replied. 

Mrs. Lathrop sighed, and forced herself 
to further patience. It was all of seven 
when Miss Clegg finally came over. 

“ I ’ll sit on the steps,” she announced. 
“ Bein’ ’s we ’re such friends, Mrs. Lathrop, 
I may ’s well say right here ’n’ now ’t I 
would n’t sit down in your kitchen this 
night for no money. I ’d carry the spots 
till I died most likely ’n’ have no one but 
myself to blame f’r it. You may not thank 
me f’r sayin’ it to your face, but it is n’t in 
me to deceive so much ’s a water-bug^ ’n’ ’f 
I live to be a hunderd I c’d never forget 
seein’ you make a chocolate cake once. I 
c’d make a chocolate cake ’n’ a king might 
eat off o’ my cuffs ’n’ collar when I was 
through, but what surprised me about your 
chocolate cake, Mrs. Lathrop, was ’t you 
did n’t get into the oven with it in the end, 
for I ’ll take my Bible oath ’s you had ’s 
much on you ’s on any pan.” 


170 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


“We c’n sit on the — said Mrs. La- 
throp pleasantly. 

“ I ’m sittin' there already/’ said the caller, 
“ ’n’ whenever you get ready to listen I ’ll 
tell you about this afternoon, for it was the 
most interestin’ meetin’ ’t we ’ve had since 
Mrs. Jewett’s leg come off to her chair ’n’ 
she run the crochet-hook so far in — you 
recollec’ ? — ’n’ the doctors did n’t know 
which way to pull it out. Young Dr. 
Brown was for pushin' it on through ’cause 
the hook would catch ’f he drawed it out on 
the crochet principle, ’n’ old Dr. Carter said 
it would n’t do to put it through ’cause it 
was a fancy Chinese thing ’t old Captain 
Jewett’s father brought from China ’n’ there 
was a man’s head on the other end with his 
mustache makin’ two crochet-hooks, one 
each side.” 

“What did — ” said Mrs. Lathrop. 

“Don’t you remember? — Mrs. Jewett 
come to ’n’ told ’em ’t the middle was for 
needles ’n’ ’t all they had to do was to 
unscrew it ’n’ take it out opposite ways, ’n’ 
then she fainted, ’n’ then they did, ’n’ no 
one thought of there bein’ needles in it, ’n’ 
they fell out ’n’ she had shootin’ pains from 


THE MIxNISTER’S VACATION 171 


havin' 'em in her for ever so long. Mrs. 
Macy was sayin' only the other day 't to 
her order o' thinkin' Mrs. Jewett died o' 
the darnin'-needles. She says she was for- 
ever grabbin' herself somewhere with a 
sudden yell, 'n' no matter what the doctors 
said it was jus' them needles, ’n' no sensible 
person 's saw her actions could doubt it. 
Mrs. Macy says it was a awful lesson to her 
against keepin' loose needles in screw things, 
— she says ’t her son sent her a egg from 
the World’s Fair with every kind of needle 
in it, but she was n't takin' no chances, 'n' 
she took them needles right out 'n' put 
buttons in instead.” 

I remember she died,” said Mrs. La- 
throp thoughtfully, ‘‘but I — ” 

“ It don’t matter,” said Susan. “ My, 
but it 's hot ! It 's been awful hot this week, 
’n’ this afternoon it was all but bilin’ down 
there in that little parlor o’ Mrs. Craig's. 
I was f'r sittin’ on the porch, but Gran’ma 
Mullins rocked off a porch once ’n’ she 
was f'r sittin' where she could n't rock off 
nothin'. I said she could sit on the grass, 
but she was fussy about that too — said a 
poison-spider bit her foot once 'n' she had 


172 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


it come on regular every year Pr seven years 
after. I come nigh to feelin’ put out, but 
Mrs. Sperrit spoke up just then ’n’ asked ’f 
we ’d any of us noticed how terrible worn 
the minister’s wife was lookin’ ’n’ did n’t we 
think ’t he ’d ought to have a vacation ? It 
was that ’t made the meetin’ so interestin’, 
f’r in all the years ’t we ’ve had the minister 
no one ever thought o’ givin’ him a vaca- 
tion afore, ’n’ when you think how long 
we ’ve had him ’n’ how steady we ’ve gone 
to church as a consequence, I must say ’t I 
think ’t it’s more ’n surprisin’ ’t we didn’t 
give him a vacation long ago. I must say, 
though, ’t my first idea was ’t it was a curi- 
ous thing to give the minister a vacation so 
as to rest his wife, although I d’n’ know ’s 
we could do anythin’ kinder for her ’n to 
get rid of him f’r a spell. Then too, to my 
order o’ thinkin’, our minister ain’t really 
ever in need o’ no rest, and ’f he needs 
a change my say would be ‘ Set him to 
work.’ I said all that to ’em all down there, 
’n’ Mrs. Sperrit went on then ’n’ said ’t her 
idea was f’r ’em both to go,' so ’s we could 
all sort o’ take a breathin’ space together. 
I agreed with her about the breathin,’ Pr I 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 173 


don’t believe no other minister ’n ours ever 
had thirteen children born in the same house, 
’n’ I’m free to remark ’t if a new minister 
did n’t always sit so solid for new wall-paper 
’n’ the cistern cleaned out, I ’m pretty sure ’t 
the last half-dozen childern ’n’ his second 
wife would certainly have found themselves 
bein’ born elsewhere. ’N such bein’ the 
case, I don’t blame no man f’r wantin’ a 
little free time, ’n’ so I joined in, ’n’ Mrs. 
Allen moved ’t we all unbutton our collars 
’n’ discuss the matter, ’n’ Gran’ma Mullins 
took off her cap ’n’ we begun right then ’n’ 
there. Mrs. Brown said ’t if they was a-goin’ 
now was a very good time ’cause the baby 
was a year old, ’n’ I said ’t I c’d agree with 
her there ’cause if we waited till next sum- 
mer the baby might be only a month old or 
maybe only a week old — f’r I must say ’t 
so far ’s my observation ’s extended there 
never is no countin’ on how old a minister’s 
baby ’s goin’ be ’t any given time. Gran’ma 
Mullins interrupted me ’n’ said ’t if we’d 
excuse her she ’d go below her collar ’n’ 
unbutton her top button ’cause her cousin 
bought it ready-made ’n’ all she could tell 
the clerk was ’t she was seventy-three years 


174 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


old ’n’ so perhaps it was only natural ’t it 
should bind a little in the neck. ’N' so she 
did, *n’ then she moved her head around till 
she was sure she was all free ’n’ then she 
said, ‘’N’ now as to them childern It was 
kind of a shock, for no one had thought 
about the childern ’n’ Mrs. Craig said pretty 
feeble-like T it would n’t be no rest to send 
the minister’s wife off with thirteen childern, 
’n’ I spoke up pretty sharp ’n’ asked what 
kind of a rest the town ’d get if them thir- 
teen childern was left behind. I c’d see ’t 
I ’d hit the nail on the head then^ jus’ by the 
way ’t they all waited to get a drink afore 
going any further.” 

Miss Clegg stopped and drew a deep 
breath. 

Mrs. Lathrop looked anxious, not to say 
fearful. 

‘‘ It was Mrs. Sperritas begun again,” the 
narrator continued presently. “ Mrs. Sperrit 
said why not divide the children up among 
us all ’n’ each take one, ’n’ she looked to be 
talkin’ sense till they started dividin’, ’n’ then 
it turned out ’t naturally every one wanted 
the big easy ones ’n’ no one wanted 
Augustus. I was dreadful uneasy myself 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 175 


for fear T I ’d be 'xpected to take Brunhilde 
Susan on account o’ her hind half bein’ 
named for me, but I did n’t have to worry 
long, for Mrs. Allen said ’t she ’d take Brun- 
hilde Susan ’cause Polly ’s tended Brunhilde 
Susan so much ’t she knows just what Brun- 
hilde Susan ’ll stand ’n’ Brunhilde Susan 
knows just what Polly ’ll stand. So Brun- 
hilde Susan was fixed, but every one else was 
all upset ’n’ undecided, ’n’ it was plain ’t 
nothin’ would n’t work, so Mrs. Macy up ’n’ 
proposed ’t they put all but the baby in a 
sugar-bowl ’n’ shake ’em up ’n’ draw. 

“Well, we did, ’n’ it was ’xcitin’, I c’n tell 
you, ’n’ I wish you ’d been there to see their 
faces. Mrs. Macy drew first, seein’ ’t it was 
her plan, ’n’ she was awful put out over get- 
tin’ Henry Ward Beecher. Seems she was 
countin’ on using her trundle-bed, ’n’ she 
said right flat out ’t she must use her trundle- 
bed, ’n’ so she jus’ up ’n’ put Henry 
Ward Beecher right straight back in the 
sugar-bowl. Mrs. Sweet drew next, ’n’ ’f 
she did n’t get Henry Ward Beecher too, 
’n’ she was madder yet ’cause she was in- 
tendin’ to have her child sleep with Emma, 
’n’ she said ’t her child had jus’ got to sleep 


176 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


with Emma, so she up 'n’ stuffed Henry 
Ward Beecher back into the sugar-bowl too. 
Then Mrs. Brown wanted to draw, ’n’ so 
they put on the cover ’n’ shook ’em up hard, 
’n’ I could n’t but be a little took with how 
anxious they was to draw when there was 
only twelve childern ’n’ sixteen women, so ’t 
stood to reason ’t there was four as could n’t 
get no child to save their necks. I did n’t 
try to draw none myself — I hauled out a lot 
of stitches ’n’ sat back ’n’ said when they was 
all through 1 ’d come ’n’ draw for you and 
me too, ’n’ then I watched ’em all hurryin’ 
Mrs. Brown, ’n’ ’f she did n’t get Henry 
Ward Beecher same ’s all the rest ! But 
she was perfectly satisfied, — she said ’t she 
was lonesome now young Dr. Brown ’s gone 
’n’ married and ’t Henry Ward Beecher c’d 
have his room. So Henry Ward Beecher 
was out o’ the sugar-bowl at last, ’n’ I 
must say ’t it was a great relief to see him 
settled.” 

“ Who drew — ” said Mrs. Lathrop. 

‘‘ Mrs. Sweet drew next. ’N’ she drew 
Augustus, ’n’ when she see ’t she ’d got 
Augustus she did n’t mince matters none, — 
she jus’ said she ’d never have no Augustus 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 177 


in her house, not now ’n’ not never, ’n* she 
put him right back, 'n' some one said T it 
was n't fair. But they shook the bowl up 
good, 'n' Gran’ma Mullins ’d been tryin' so 
hard to get a chance at it 't they let her come 
next, 'n* she drew, 'n* — my Lord ! — she let 
off a scream like she 'd draw'd a snake 'n' it 
seemed 't it was Bobby she ’d got, 'n' she 
said, fair or not, she could n't abide no small 
boy since she god-mothered Sam Duruy, 'n' 
so we must excuse her puttin' Bobby back 
into the sugar-bowl, and so back into the 
sugar-bowl Bobby got put. Then every one 
begin sayin' 't it was n't fair, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit 
stood up 'n' said she knowed a good way. 
We 'd put sixteen numbers in the sugar-bowl 
'n' all draw numbers 'n' then choose from 
the childern in accordance with our numbers. 
No. I gettin' first pick 'n' No. 2 second 
'n' so on. So we did it, 'n' I drew with a 
pretty heavy heart, I c'n assure you, Mrs. 
Lathrop, for Lord knows what I 'd 'a* done 
if—" 

“ I c'd 'a' taken — " interposed the friend. 

Yes, 'n' you 'd 'a' had to too," rejoined 
the other. “ I thought o' that as I was feelin’ 
'round, prayin' Heaven to guide me ; *n' it 


178 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


did too, for I got 14, 'n' after that the rest o’ 
the meetin’ was nothin’ but sheer circus for 
me. That was what you missed, Mrs. 
Lathrop, f’r I don’t believe there ever was 
or ever will be such a Sewin’ Society again. 
Every one quit sewin’ in the first place, ’n’ 
Mrs. Duruy, who ’d got No. i, reflected some 
’n’ then said she ’d take Felicia Hemans 
’cause Felicia c’d help her with her sewin’. 
Mrs. Sweet was No. 2, ’n’ she took Rachel 
Rebecca to sleep with Emma. Then come 
Gran’ma Mullins, ’n’ she studied a long 
while ’n’ then at last she decided on little 
Jane ’cause little Jane sucks her thumb ’n’ 
that ’s the sign of a good child. Then Mrs. 
Sperrit came next, ’n’ she said she ’d take 
Bobby ’cause he could n’t do no mischief 
out on the farm. Gran’ma Mullins shook 
her head ’n’ said them laughs best as laughs 
last, but Mrs. Sperrit stuck to Bobby ’n’ 
did n’t pay no attention to Gran’ma Mullins. 
Well — then Mrs. Brown took Henry 
Ward Beecher, ’n’ Mrs. Kimball took Billy 
’cause he’s in the store anyhow, ’n’ Mrs. 
Maxwell took ’Liza Em’ly to rip, ’n’ Mrs. 
Fisher took John Bunyan for weeds. ’N’ 
then Mrs. Macy just pounced on the last 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 179 


girl for her trundle-bed, 'n’ Mrs. Jilkins was 
pretty mad at there bein’ no more girls after 
the last one ’n’ she give a sort o’ flounce ’n’ 
said ‘ Josephus,’ ’n’ Miss White give a sort 
o’ groan ’n’ said ‘Fox’ in a voice like death. 
’N’ then come the time ! — Mrs. Davison 
was No. 12, ’n’ every one knew it, ’n’ every 
one ’d been lookin’ at her from time to time 
’n’ she had n’t been lookin’ at no one, only 
jus’ at her number, ’n’ when the time come 
f’r her to say who she ’d got (for naturally 
she did n’t have no choice) she did n’t say 
nothin’ at all, only just begun to pick up all 
her work things ’n’ stuff ’em in that little 
black bead bag o’ hers, ’n’ there was a 
meanin’ way about her stuffin’ ’t said more 
’n was necessary. — But o’ course some one 
had to speak, so Mrs. Sweet begun to smile 
’n’ say, ‘ ’N’ Mrs. Davison gets Augustus ! ’ 
’n’ at that Mrs. Davison come up out o’ 
her chair like it was a live coal, ’n’ shook all 
over ’n’ glared right in front of her, ’n’ said, 
‘ Ladies, this may appear as a joke to you, but 
it ’s far from seemin’ funny to the one as 
gets Augustus. I decline Augustus right 
square ’n’ sharp ’n’ flat ’n’ now, ’n’ if I ever 
hear another word on the subjeck I shall 


180 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


cease to ever again play the organ in church 
on Sunday ! ’ ” 

Miss Clegg paused dramatically. 

Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in awe 
at the climax. 

‘'Well, you c’d 'a heard the dust settle 
for a minute or two ! No one could n’t 
think o’ nothin’ to say, f’r the only thing to 
say was suthin’ ’t no one in their senses 
would think o’ sayin’, but o’ course some 
one had to say it, ’n’ Mrs. Craig got up at 
last ’n’ with the tears standin’ in her eyes 
’n’ a kind o’ sad look all around her nice 
tidy house, she sort o’ sighed out, ‘ We must 
have the organ Sundays, ’n’ I ’ll take Augus- 
tus.’ There was a air o’ bein’ sorry for her 
all over, but every one was so glad it was her 
’n’ not them ’t they couldn’t help bein’ more 
relieved ’n anythin’ else, ’n’ then we all 
remembered ’t we was hot, ’n’ hungry too, 
so we made short work o’ app’intin’ Mrs. 
Allen to go ’n’ tell the minister how every- 
thin’ was arranged for his vacation, ’n’ ’t it 
’d be a favor to us all if he could get away 
pretty prompt to-morrow so ’s we could be 
all settled down for Sunday. Mrs. Sperrit 
says she ’ll take the bird right along with 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 181 


Bobby, ’n’ Mrs. Allen says T if they have 
Brunhilde 'Susan they can just as well fuss 
with the cow too, so ’s far as I c'n see there dl 
be no church Sunday, 'n' I certainly am grate- 
ful, for all the time T I was in chuich last 
Sunday I was wishin’ T I was in the crick 
instid, ’n’ I don’t consider such thoughts 
upliftin’.” 

Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito. 

“ They say it ’s better to be born lucky 
’n rich,” said Susan, getting up to go, ‘‘ ’n’ 
what you said jus’ now, Mrs. Lathrop, 
proves ’t it ’s true in your case. For if I 
had been obliged to take Brunhilde Susan or 
any other of ’em, it ’d surely ’a’ been a awful 
care to you just now, what with your picklin’ 
’n’ your not bein’ no great hand at childern 
anyhow.” 

Mrs. Lathrop assented with two slow 
nods. 

“ Mrs. Brown ’n’ me walked home to- 
gether,” said Susan, as she slowly turned her 
steps in the direction of her own house. 
“ Mrs. Brown thinks she ’s got the flower o’ 
the flock in gettin’ Henry Ward Beecher. 
She says he ’s so big he ’ll be no care a tall, 
except to fill his pitcher once in a while.” 


182 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


‘Mt 's Mrs. Craig as has — said Mrs. 
Lathrop. 

“Yes, I sh’d say so,” assented Susan. 

And then they spoke no more. 


The minister, on the receipt of his parish- 
ioners’ ultimatum, tarried not upon the order 
of his going, but went almost at once. 
Indeed he and his wife packed with such 
alacrity that at ten o’clock upon the following 
day (which was Saturday) they were both 
gone, and the thirteen children, the bird, and 
the cow had all been distributed according to 
the Sewing Society’s programme. 

The day was intensely hot, and in spite 
of the deep interest which both felt in the 
wide-spread situation, neither Susan nor Mrs. 
Lathrop heard any news from the thirteen 
seats of war until late in the afternoon. At 
that hour Mrs. Macy called on Miss Clegg, 
and after the call the latter walked “ as far as 
the square ” with her friend. Mrs. Lathrop 
saw them go out together from her kitchen 
window, and when Susan failed to return, 
she possessed her soul with all the unlimited 
resignation which was her strong point. 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 183 


Susan did not return until seven o’clock. 

I ain’t cornin’ over,” she called from the 
back stoop, before Mrs. Lathrop could get 
to the fence ; there ain’t nothin’ particular 
to tell ’n’ under them circumstances I ain’t 
one to bother to tell it. Every one ’t I 
see was out runnin’ about ’n’ recountin’ how 
much better they ’re doin’ than might ’a’ 
been expected. Mrs. Craig ’s awful pleased 
over Augustus, says it was all clean slander 
the talk about him, for he ’s ’s good ’s 
gold, jus’ lays on his back on the floor ’n’ 
says, ‘ Wash zhat ? Is zhat a fly ? Zhi a fly ? 
Zhu a fly ? ’ or ^ Wash zhat ? Zhat dinner? 
Zhi dinner ? Zhu dinner ? ’ ’n’ all you have 
to say is ‘Yes — No — No — No’ pretty 
prompt. She says she don’t consider him 
no care a tall ’n’ she ’s glad to have the 
chance to say so right out. — Mrs. Fisher 
was into the store while Mrs. Craig was 
talkin’, ’n’ she says she ’s ’mused to death 
over John Bunyan. Seems she was never 
in favor o’ Mr. Fisher’s havin’ a garden, ’n’ 
now John Bunyan ’s gone ’n’ pulled up all 
the beets ’n’ five rows of little radishes. She 
was buyin’ him a ball an’ laughin’ to tears 
over how mad Mr. Fisher was. She says 


184 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 

he took John Bunyan by the shoulders ’n’ 
shook him hard ’n’ asked him T he did n’t 
know a radish ’n’ a beet when he saw one, 
’n’ John Bunyan spoke right up ’n’ said, 
^ Course he knowed a radish ’n’ a beet when 
he saw ’em, but how was any one to see a 
radish or a beet till after he pulled it up 
first? ’ Oh my ! but Mrs. Fisher says Mr. 
Fisher was hot about it, ’n’ it was all of a 
half hour afore he got over his mad enough 
to be ready to teach John Bunyan anythin’ 
else, ’n’ then he wanted to show him the 
first principles of graftin’, ’n’ so she put a 
big plate of apples where they was handy 
for the boy to reach, ’n’ come down town 
herself.” 

Mrs. Lathrop had approached the fence 
step by step, and now leaned in a confidence- 
inspiring attitude against its firm support. 
The sight seemed to affect Miss Clegg with- 
out her being conscious of the fact, and she 
abandoned her first position on the doorstep 
and advanced also. 

After all, we might ’s well be comfortable 
while we visit,” she commented simply, 
when they found themselves adjusted as of 
old, “ ’n’ come to think it over I really did 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 185 


hear quite a piece o' news in town. Mrs. 
Duruy says she’s set Felicia Hemans to 
makin’ Sam some shirts ’n’ Sam is runnin’ 
the sewin’-machine for ’em. Now o’ course 
’f it comes to such doin’s the first day any one 
can figger on a week ahead, ’n’ I had a good 
mind to say ’s much to Mrs. Duruy, but 
then I thought if I had it in me to do any 
warnin’ I ’d best warn Felicia, ’n’ as far ’s my 
experience goes a woman afore she marries 
a man always admires him full ’s much or 
maybe even more ’n’ his own mother can, 
so it ’s breath wasted to try ’n’ tell either of 
’em a plain truth about him. Now you 
know, Mrs. Lathrop, ’s I was never one to 
waste my breath, so when Mrs. Duruy said 
’s she was thinkin’ o’ goin’ over to Mead- 
ville to visit her cousin, now ’s she had 
somebody to keep her house for her, I jus’ 
remarked as I hoped she ’d get her house 
back when she come back ’n’ let it go at 
that. Mrs. Allen was in after mail, ’n’ she 
said Brunhilde Susan was in bed, ’n’ the cow 
was all milked for the night, ’n’ her mind 
was easy over ’em both; ’n’ Gran’ma Mullins 
was to the drug-store after some quinine to 
put on little Jane’s thumb. She says this 


186 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


week as she has little Jane she’ll jus’ cure 
her o’ thumb-suckin’ once an’ f’r all time 
by keepin’ it dipped in quinine. 

I did n’t see none o’ the others, but I 
did n’t hear o’ their bein’ in difficulties, so I 
come home. Mrs. Macy says Roxana sits 
’n’ weeps straight along, but she says she 
did n’t have no choice as to her drawin’, for 
between her bein’ No. 9 ’n’ only havin’ a 
trundle-bed Roxana was just forced right 
down her throat, so she ain’t botherin’ over 
her a talL She come out to make calls this 
afternoon, ’n’ she says she sh’ll see to her 
own marketin’ same ’s ever, ’n’ Roxana c’n 
weep or not weep to suit herself.” 

“ I ’m glad you — ” said Mrs. Lathrop 
thoughtfully. 

I am too,” said Susan quickly, ‘‘ I ’m 
glad ’n’ I sh’ll always stay glad. I just had 
that one time o’ carin’ for children, ’n’ the 
Lord dealt me a lion instid of a baby, ’n’ 
I ’m free to confess ’t I ’ve never seen no 
occasion to say other than Thy Will be 
Done. The sparrows do build awful in the 
notches of that lion, ’n’ the nest in his 
mouth aggravates me so I d’n’ know what to 
do some days, but still when all ’s said ’n’ 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 187 


done a sparrow's nest in the mouth of your 
father's tombstone ain't any such trial as 
gettin' a child to bed nights 'n' keepin' its 
hands clean would be. 'N' if I had adopted 
a child, Mrs. Lathrop, I sh'd cert'nly 'a' 
kept it clean, f'r, if you 'll excuse me re- 
markin' it right in your face, I was raised to 
wash 'n' dust 'n' be neat. That's why that 
nest in my lion's mouth with the straws 
s tickin' every way do try me so. Mr. Kim- 
ball 's forever askin' me if the lion 's raisin' 
a beard against the winter, 'n' the other day 
he said he was give to understand 't it was 
tippin' a little, 'n' I was recommended to 
brace him up by givin' him raw eggs for his 
breakfast. Well, maybe all Mr. Kimball 
says is very witty, but it 's a poor kind o' 
wit, I think. He makes good enough jokes 
about the rest of the c'mmunity, but I may 
tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, 't I 
ain't never heard one joke 't he 's told on 
me 't I considered even half-way amusin'." 

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head sadly. 

Then they went in. 

The Sunday which followed this particu- 
lar Saturday was of a heat truly tropical. 
All the blinds of the Clegg and Lathrop 


188 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


houses stayed tightly closed all day, and it 
is only fair to surmise that those who re- 
mained behind them were not sorry that the 
minister's absence allowed them to do so with 
a clear conscience. 

But about half-past seven in the evening 
Susan’s shutters began to bang open with a 
succession of blast-like reports, and shortly 
after she emerged from her kitchen door and 
started down town. Mrs. Lathrop, who was 
of course cognizant of every movement on 
her neighbor’s part, saw her go and made 
haste to be ready against her home-coming. 
To that end she set her front door hospita- 
bly open, drew two rockers out upon the 
porch, Md a palm-leaf fan in one, and de- 
posited herself in the other. 

It was nearly an hour before Miss Clegg 
returned from town. She appeared very 
warm, but pleased with herself for having 
gone. As she sank down in the chair and 
began to agitate the fan, Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes 
fairly gleamed with anticipation. 

I s’pose — ” she began. 

‘‘Well, no,” said Susan, “seems they 
ain’t, after all. The air down town is more 
like a revival than anythin’ else, everybody 


THE MINISTER'S VACATION 189 


*s up tellin’ their experience an’ callin’ out 
on Heaven to save ’em. ’N’ the worst of all 
is Mrs. Brown! — she never knew ’t Henry- 
Ward Beecher walks in his sleep! No 
more did I nor nobody else, ’n’ I must say 
’t I do think ’t the minister ’d ought to ’a’ 
told some of us so ’s we could ’a’ been a 
little prepared, for there ’s many a night ’s 
I ’ve left clothes out on the line ’s I’d never 
risked ’f I ’d been aware o’ the possibility o’ 
Henry Ward Beecher bein’ broad-cast. Mrs. 
Brown says, though, ’s it ain’t his walkin’ in 
his sleep as is troublin’ her, it ’s his eatin’ in 
his walkin’. Mrs. Lathrop, you never hear 
the like o’ what she told me ! It’s beyond 
all belief! He eat the Sunday layer-cake 
’n’ the Sunday-dinner pie ’n’ the whole week’s 
tin o’ doughnuts, ’n’ then went back to bed 
’n’ never turned a hair. Why, she says 
she never did — in all her life. She says when 
she see the jelly streaks on the bed an’ felt 
his sticky door-knob, she was all used up, for 
Babes in the Woods was criminal beside the 
way he looked to be sleepin’. ’N’ he don’t 
remember nothin’ a tall to-day, not one 
livin’ doughnut does that boy recolleck, ’n’ 
she says ’f she did n’t know it to be so on 


190 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


account o’ the empty tin she ’d doubt her- 
self an’ believe him by choice, he looks so 
truthful. But empty tins is empty tins, ’n’ 
no one can deny that fact. 

I see Mrs. Craig too. Mrs. Craig ’s 
some altered as to her yesterday’s view in 
regard to Augustus. That cat ’t she makes 
so much over ’s gone, ’n’ she ’s most crazy 
as a consequence. It ’s him as she warms 
her feet on winters, ’n’ when I asked her 
how under the sun she come to feel the 
need o’ it to-day she did n’t even smile. 
She says she asked Augustus right off ’s 
quick ’s she missed it, ’n’ all he said was, 
‘ Wash zhat ? Zhat a cat ? Zhi a cat ? Zhu 
a cat ? ’ ’n’ she see ’t there was n’t no informa- 
tion to be got out o’ him. She says, though, 
that if you bar the cat he ’s pretty good, only 
he’s so tiresome. He follows her all over, 
sayin’, ‘Wash zhat? Zhat a hair-pin? Zhi 
a hair-pin ? Zhu a hair-pin ? ’ She says it 
ain’t nothin’ to really complain of, but it’s 
gettin’ a little wearin’,’n’ she was lookin’ more 
worried ’n her talk bore out, but Miss 
White come up ’n’ begun about Fox, ’n’ 
that kind o’ ended Augustus. Miss White 
says ’f the minister wanted to name a child 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 191 


after Fox's Martyrs he was welcome, but she 
'n' her family never bargained on bein' the 
martyrs. She says 't Fox takes fits o' yellin' 
'n' when he begins he don't never stop. 
Her mother 's deaf, 'n' said to let the child 
yell it out 'n' teach him a lesson, but Deacon 
White has got his ears same as ever, 'n' he 
could n't stand the noise, 'n' so he hired Fox 
to stop by promisin' him a trumpet 's soon 
as the store is open to-morrow mornin'. 
Miss White says her mother said buyin' 
trumpets Was a poor kind o' discipline, 'n' 
Mrs. Fisher come along just then 'n' said 
her notion o' discipline was rewardin’ the 
good instead o' the bad, 'n' 't she was goin' 
to give John Bunyan a dish o' cookies to 
keep in his washstand drawer, 'cause he 
went out in the garden this mornin' while 
Mr. Fisher was down for the mail, 'n' he 
tried his last night's lesson in graftin' on 
things in general there, 'n' he grafted corn 
'n' potatoes 'n' asparagus all back 'n' forth 
'n' killed 'em all. She says Mr. Fisher was 
awful mad 'n' wanted to shake John Bunyan, 
but she jus' up 'n' told Mr. Fisher 't she 'd 
been tellin' him 't there was a mighty big 
difference between theory 'n' practice f'r 


192 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


these many years, ’n’ T now John Bunyan 
was sent by the hand o’ Providence to show 
him jus’ what she meant 

I see Mrs. Macy too, ’n’ she ’s happy 
for the whole town. Seems Roxana was so 
lonesome for the other dozen ’t she jus’ sat 
’n’ rolled down tears steady, ’n’ this after- 
noon when Mrs. Sperrit drove in to see her 
sister she jus’ took Roxana home with her. 
She says Roxana ’ll be happy with Bobby on 
the farm, ’n’ it’s easy to be seen as Mrs. 
Maxwell is envyin’ Mrs. Macy, for she says 
’t it ’s as plain ’s the nose on the outside o’ 
your face ’t ’Liza Em’ly ’s nothin’ to rip.” 

Miss Clegg ceased speech to rock and fan 
for a minute or two. 

‘‘ Did you see — ” asked Mrs. Lathrop. 

“ I see every one almost,” replied the 
other. I see Polly Allen wheelin’ Brun- 
hilde Susan around the square. Polly said ’t 
the heat was hard on the cow ’n’ hard on 
Brunhilde Susan. She says the cow ’s got to 
have suthin’ on ’n’ Brunhilde Susan ’s got 
to have everythin’ off or they ain’t neither 
of them peaceable to live with long. I ain’t 
so happy over Brunhilde Susan ’s I would 
be if she had more sense. She was cryin’ 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 193 


* Moo — moo’ at every dog she see, ’n’ I give 
her a nickel to keep her quiet, ’n’ then she 
up ’n’ lost it. We hunted an’ hunted ’n’ 
did everythin’ in kingdom come to find it — 
for I naturally did n’t feel to come away with- 
out it — ’n’ finally Polly said ’s she must ’a’ 
swallowed it, ’n’ she asked her, ’n’ she said 
‘ Yes,’ ’n’ I was more ’n disgusted. It was 
a full minute before I could remember to 
thank my stars as it wasn’t a half-dollar — 
’s it might easy ’a’ been, for bein’ the name- 
sake of a child kind o’ obliges you to be 
nice to ’em. Brunhilde Susan can’t never 
expect to get nothin’ out o’ her front half, 
for I was give to understand ’t the Brun- 
hilde ’s Felicia Hemans was so book-took 
with is long dead, ^ Dragged at horses’ tails,’ 
she had the face to tell me — the joint god- 
mother ! — ‘ ’N’ who by?’ I couldn’t in 
decency but ask. — ‘ By the horses,’ says 
Felicia Hemans, a-gigglin’ fit to beat the 
band. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I’m pretty 
patient with the young in general, but I must 
say ’s I can’t but feel ’t when them shirts o’ 
Sam Duruy’s is done ’n’ their consequences 
is added up, it ’s a even thing which draws 
the least, — him or Felicia. Mrs. Macy told 


194 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


me T Mrs. Duruy has her things all washed 
'n’ ironed to go to Meadville to-morrow, 'n* 
I reckon T a woman ’s is as blind ’s that dl 
be jus’ ’s happy in Meadville as anywhere 
else.” 

Susan paused and rose from her seat. 

“ Are you a — ” said Mrs. Lathrop. 

‘‘ Looks like it, don’t it ? ” replied Miss 
Clegg. “ ’S a matter o’ fact, Mrs. Lathrop, 
I ’m that hot ’n’ tired ’d it ’d take a long 
sight more ’n you to keep me any longer, 
so I ’ll say good-bye ’n’ go.” 


On Monday the thermometer bounded 
higher than ever. It was wash-day too, 
which rendered one half of the community 
infinitely hotter yet. As the burden of the 
minister’s vacation fell upon the same half 
that the washing did, one might have looked 
for very little friendly exchanging of personal 
trials on the evening that followed such a 
trying day. Susan felt such to be the case 
and concluded not to try and go down town. 
Mrs. Lathrop took two or three wilted 
clovers, and sat on her steps and chewed sub- 
missively after tea, — too much overcome 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 195 


even to waft a questioning glance across the 
interim of parched grass which stretched 
between her kitchen stoop and that of her 
friend ; but the latter saw her sitting there 
and felt a keen, remorseful stab. 

“ I guess I dl go down in the square f’r 
jus' five minutes,” she called to the dejected 
figure, and forthwith sallied out to the 
conflict. 

The five minutes stretched to an hour, and 
Mrs. Lathrop was frankly asleep when her 
vigil was terminated by her neighbor’s return. 
The latter came up and sat down on the 
steps, heaving a mighty sigh as she did so. 

“ Well, I see Mrs. Brown,” she began in 
a tone of reminiscent sympathy, ’n’ I can 
tell you ’t Mrs. Brown is in a situation not 
to be lightly sneezed over.” 

What did — ” remarked Mrs. Lathrop, 
rubbing her eyes. 

What did Henry Ward Beecher do ? 
Well, he jus’ up ’n’ did the same ’s the 
night afore. Ate the Sons o’ Veterans’ pud- 
ding ’s Mrs. Brown had all ready for the 
Lodge meetin’, ’n’ all the baked beans ’s was 
for to-day’s luncheon too. She says she 
never dreamed as no human bein’ could hold 


196 THE MINISTER'S VACATION 


what that boy can. She says young Dr. 
Brown says ’t he wants to come 'n' observe 
him to-night T he don’t have to go over to 
Meadville to get two of his saws sharpened. 
Mrs. Brown says he says he ’s goin’ to write 
a paper for the Investigatin’ Society, but I 
don’t see how that ’s goin’ to help the Sons 
o’ Veterans none. Doctors’ observations 
’n’ investigations ’s all right ’s far ’s they go, 
but I don’ fancy as they can be made to take 
the place o’ no eat up puddin’ inside o’ no 
son of a veteran. ’N’ anyhow, Henry 
Ward Beecher or no Henry Ward Beecher, 
Mrs. Craig ’s jus’ about frantic over her cat. 
She says there ’s cat’s hair everywhere ’n’ the 
cat ain’t nowhere. She was doin’ out her 
churnin’ ’n’ she found some hairs in the but- 
ter. I asked her ’f maybe Augustus had n’t 
fed the cat to the cow, ’n’ she says they 
thought o’ that, but her husband says ’t ain’t 
possible, for there ain’t room for a cat to turn 
over in the place where a cow turns everything 
over afore she swallows it. Mrs. Craig says, 
besides, ’t she asked Augustus, but he jus’ 
said, ‘ Wash zhat ? — Zhat a cow ? — Zhi a 
cow ? — Zhu a cow ? ’ ’n’ she see plain ’n’ for- 
ever where he got the name o’ bein’ so bad. 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 197 


for she was dyin’ to switch him ’n’ could n’t 
in honor say as she had any real reason to. 
But all the same she says she ’s as sure as 
Fate ’t him ’n’ no one else ’s at the bottom 
o’ her cat — only how in all creation are you 
to get it out o’ him ? She says there was 
hairs in the washtub ’n’ hairs in the bluein’, 
’n’ when she gathered the sweet peas afore 
supper she see a hair on a sweet-pea pod. 
While we was talkin’ suthin’ tickled her ’n’ 
she found a hair in her collar. 

Gran’ma Mullins came along up from 
the crick while we was talkin’, ’n’ she had her 
tale o’ woe same ’s the rest. Seems little 
Jane ’s quit her thumb, owin’ to the quinine, 
’n’ took to bitin’ holes ’n’ chewin’ ’n’ suckin’ 
everythin’ that she can lay hands on. She ’s 
chewed her pillow-slip ’n’ bit her sheet ’n’ 
sucked right down to the brass on a number 
o’ Gran’ma Mullins’ solid silver things. 
They ’ve tried scoldin’ ’n’ slappin’, but she 
jus’ keeps her mouth on the rampage, ’n’ 
they can’t get her to go back to her thumb 
f’r love nor money. Mrs. Brown said she ’d 
be glad to trade Henry Ward Beecher for 
little Jane, ’n’ I strongly advised her to do 
it, f’r to my mind a chewin’ child ’s more to 


198 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


be counted on than a eatin’ sleep-walker, but 
we was evidently all o' the same way o' 
thinkin, f’r Gran'ma Mullins shook her 
head 'n' would n't change. 

‘‘ I see Felicia Hemans down buyin' 
suthin' with Sam along with a basket to 
carry it home in. I asked 'f Mrs. Duruy 
was gone, 'n' they said yes, 'n' Sam grinned 
'n' Felicia giggled, same 's usual. I c'n see 
't the Allens is all put out 't Sam's bein' 
around 'with any one but Polly, 'n' Mrs. 
Allen asked me 'f I really thought Mrs. 
Duruy 'd ought to 'a' gone off like that. I 
said I thought it was a awful risk for 
Felicia Hemans ’cause o' course she migh( 
marry Sam in consequence. Mrs. Allen 
did n't like it, 'n' she bounced Brunhilde 
Susan's carriage-springs so hard 't she made 
Brunhilde Susan wake up. Mr. Kimball 
was out in front o' his store, 'n' he hollered 
across to me 't he was giv' to understand 
as Brunhilde Susan was learnin' to hang 
onto money already. Every one laughed, 
'n' I declare 't for the life o' me I don't see 
how no one c'n make a joke over a baby's 
swallowin' a lent nickel." 

“Who — " queried Mrs. Lathrop. 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 199 


“Well, Mrs. Fisher was one of ’em. She 
did sort of explain it away afterwards, though. 
She said she was so happy she laughed at 
any nothin’ at all. Seems Mr. Fisher set 
John Bunyan to cuttin’ the grass, ’n’ the 
boy went ’n’ sheared right over the bed o’ 
petunias. Seems them petunias was the 
apple o’ Mr. Fisher’s eye ’n’ he wanted a 
dish of ’em with every meal. Mrs. Fisher 
says ’t to her mind a woman has work 
enough gettin’ the meals without havin’ to 
get petunias too, ’n’ she was nothin’ but 
glad to see what a clean shave John Bunyan 
made o’ the whole thing. She was down 
town buyin’ him some marbles. She went 
into Shores after ’em, an’ she ’n’ Miss White 
come out together. I know suthin’ had 
happened the minute I see Miss White’s 
face, f’r angels chantin’ glory was nothin’ 
to it. Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that 
Fox never lived up to the trumpet bargain 
one hour, but jus’ yelled ’n’ blew alternate, 
till the Deacon was nigh to deaf ’n’ old 
Mrs. White begun to hear, ’n’ they was 
all ’most fit for the Insane Asylum when 
Mrs. Sperrit come in to leave a skirt for 
new braid, ’n’ she jus’ up ’n’ took Fox 


200 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


home with her. She says T he can make 
all the noise he wants to out on the farm, 
’n’ the Whites is all but in Paradise as a 
result.” 

“I sh’d think — ” suggested Mrs. La- 
throp. 

“Well, I d’n’ know,” said Susan; “you 
may think so, but you did n’t look like it 
when I come. You looked to be asleep, 
Mrs. Lathrop, ’n’ bein’ *s to-day ’s been a 
hot Monday ’n’ to-morrow ’ll likely be a 
hot Tuesday, I feel some inclined that way 
myself. So good-night.” 


Susan’s prophecy as to what the next day 
would be came true. It was a scorching 
Tuesday, and nothing but the feast of gossip 
which “ the square ” held upon this partic- 
ular week could ever have drawn a crowd 
there on so sultry a night. 

“ But every one was out,” she told Mrs. 
Lathrop, as they met by the fence along 
towards nine o’clock, “ ’n’ oh my ! you ’d 
ought to ’a’ been there. Mrs. Craig ’s 
found her cat, ’n’ that takes the lead, for 
she come back of her own accord from a 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 201 


place where no one ’d ever ’a’ expected her 
to come back from.” 

Where did — ” asked Mrs. Lathrop 
eagerly. 

Come up in the well-bucket,” replied 
Miss Clegg promptly, — she come up in 
the well-bucket this afternoon all but her 
tail, ’n’ they think Augustus must ’a’ strained 
that throwin’ her in by it ’n’ so it soaked ofF 
extra easy. Mrs. Craig went for him the 
minute she see the cat, but, lor’, you can’t 
get nothin’ out o’ Augustus ; he jus’ said, 

‘ Wash zhat ? — Zhat a cat ? — Zhi a cat — 
Zhu a cat ^ ’ ’n’ Mrs. Craig was too mad f’r 
words. She says ’t they ’ve been noticin’ a 
curious taste in the water, but not bein’ in 
the habit o’ drinkin’ the house cat, they 
never thought of its bein’ him. She ’s 
troubled over findin’ the cat ’n’ troubled 
some more over not findin’ the tail. She 
says Mr. Craig says ’t he wouldn’t consider 
for one second cleanin’ out a well for a trifle 
like a cat’s tail, ’n’ yet, for her part, she ain’t 
-noways inclined to keep on livin’ on cat’s 
hairs indefinitely. She says ’t Mr. Craig 
says ’t she can easy fish the tail up with the 
well-bucket, but fishin’ for suthin’ ’s you 


202 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


can’t see ain’t so funny as a woman’s hus- 
band ’s apt to make out. ’S far ’s my ob- 
servation ’s ’xtendedj a man always gives his 
wife to understand that what ’d be a bother 
or mebbe impossible for him to do ’ll be jus’ 
a pleasant afternoon for her. I took it on 
myself to tell her that very same thing. ^ Let 
him fish that tail himself for a day or two/ I 
says ; ‘ about the six hundred an’ fortieth 
time ’t he winds up that bucket ’n’ finds 
himself still short o’ that tail I ’ll venture 
my guess ’t he won’t find the joke ’s fine 
’s he did at first.’ But she was too used 
up to know when she was havin’ good 
common-sense talked to her; she jus’ kep’ 
wipin’ her eyes, ’n’ then Mrs. Sperrit drove 
up ’n’ the whole rigmarole had to be gone 
over again for her. I mus’ say that she 
behaved kind of un-neighborly, f’r she 
laughed fit to kill herself, ’n’ Mrs. Craig 
was nigh to put out over such doin’s, — ’n’ 
the cat not dead a week yet ; but when Mrs. 
Sperrit got through laughin’ she made up 
Pr it all, for she said if Mrs. Craig was 
willin’ she ’d take Augustus home with her. 
Mrs. Craig could n’t believe she was in 
earnest at first, ’n’ then she wept again 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 203 


with sheer joy. what do you think \ 

Mrs. Sperrit did ? — Took Augustus straight 
across to Mr. Shores ’n' bought a dog-collar 
’n’ a chain for him 'n’ buckled it on right 
then and there. ‘ I ’ll engage he don’t 
throw no cats down no wells out on the 
farm/ she says, ’n’ then off she drove with 
the youngster sittin’ up beside her prim ’s 
a poodle.” 

“Did you hear — ” asked Mrs. Lathrop, 
chewing pleasantly. 

“ I see Mrs. Brown,” Susan continued 
calmly, — “she was down in the square. 
Seems ’t young Dr. Brown did n’t get to 
observe Henry Ward Beecher like he ex- 
pected. He ’n’ Amelia went over to 
Meadville, ’n’ mebbe they ’ll go on to the 
city from there, f’r his practice is spreadin’ 
so ’t he ’s got to buy a bigger borin’-ma- 
chine, ’n’ he wants a lot more bastin’ thread 
an’ needles. But Henry Ward Beecher 
was up ’n’ doin’ as usual last night. He 
skum two pans o’ milk ’n’ did n’t put 
the covers back, so a June bug got in. 
Mrs. Brown says Mrs. Craig ’s welcome to 
drink her cat if she favors the idea, but she 
ain’t drinkin’ no June bugs herself, so she 


204 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


had to give the complete pan to the pigs. 
’N’ he eat more too ! — he eat ajar o’ water- 
melon pickles ’ll’ all the calves-foot jelly ’t 
was all ready f’r old Mrs. Grace. It’s a 
serious matter about the jelly, for Mrs. 
Grace ’s most dead ’n’ all the calves in town 
is alive, ’n’ so where any more jelly ’s to be 
got in time the Lord only knows. Mrs. 
Brown thinks some one ’d ought to write to 
the minister ; she says it ain’t possible ’s 
he ’s always eat like this nights ’n’ she wants 
to know how to put a stop to it. Mrs. 
Allen thinks ’t some one ’d ought to write 
to the minister too. She says ’t Sam ’n’ 
Felicia was down on the bridge last night 
a-holdin’ hands. She says Polly saw ’em. 

’N’ Gran’ma Mullins is another as 
thinks ’t some one ’d ought to write to the 
minister. She was down town a-buyin’ some 
honey to put on little Jane’s thumb. She ’s 
all but stark mad. She says mice ’n’ moths 
is goin’ to be mere jokes to her hereafter. 
She says ’f the minister don’t come back 
soon little Jane ’ll have her sucked out o’ 
bed ’n’ board. She says little Jane ’s like 
him in the history ’t where he chewed the 
grass never grew again. There seems to be 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 205 


considerable anxiety 's to when the minister 
dl get back. Nobody thought to ask him 
where he was goin’, ’n’ as a consequence no- 
body knows where he's gone. Nobody 
thought to ask him when he was cornin’ 
back, ’n’ ’s a consequence no one knows 
when he’s thinkin’ o’ cornin’ back. Mr. 
Kimball says ’t his view o’ the matter is as 
the minister was tired o’ havin’ thirteen 
children ’n’ is gone off somewhere else to 
begin all over. Fun or not, the idea ’s sort 
of upset every one. They went down to see 
where he bought his ticket for, but Johnny 
says he only took it to the junction, ’n’ my 
own experience is ’t a junction may lead to 
’most anythin’. Mrs. Macy says ’s there ’s 
only one way to be sure whether he ’s gone 
for good or not, ’n’ that is to go up to the 
house ’n’ see whether he took his ear-muffs 
along, for it stands to reason ’t any man 
who ’d pack his ear-muffs a week like this 
ain’t intendin’ to ever return. Every one see 
the sense o’ that, ’n’ so Mrs. Macy ’s ap- 
p’inted herself to go ’n’ look the house over 
to-morrow mornin’. I must say ’t ’f she 
don’t find them ear-muffs the c’mmunity ’ll 
be pretty blue to-morrow night. No one 


206 THE MINISTER'S VACATION 


knew how fond they was of the minister 
until they begin to find out what them thir- 
teen childern come to when you add ’em all 
up separately. I d’n’ know ’s I ever was so 
glad of anythin’ in my life ’s I am that I 
drew No. 14 out o’ Mrs. Craig’s sugar-bowl. 
Fate ’s a strange thing when you look it 
under ’n’ over ’n’ hind end to, Mrs. La- 
throp, — there was me drawin’ No. 14 ’n’ 
Mrs. Craig herself gettin’ Augustus, ’n’ all 
on account of a sugar-bowl, ’n’ that sugar- 
bowl hers ’n’ not mine.” 

Mrs. Lathrop applied her clover, but said 
nothing. 

‘‘Well, I d’n’ know as there’s any good 
to be gained out o’ our standin’ here chat- 
tin’ any longer. We ’d better be gettin’ to 
bed ’n’ thankin’ our merciful Father ’t we 
hav’n’t got none o’ the minister’s children, 
’n’ that ’s a prayer ’s not many c’n put up 
this night.” 

Mrs. Lathrop threw her clover away and 
returned to her own domicile. 


On Wednesday, between the intense heat 
and the equally intense excitement engen- 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 207 


dered by Mr. KimbalTs suggestion, the 
town was rife with a hive-like tumult. Miss 
Clegg went down to return Mrs. Macy’s 
call soon after dinner, and when she got back 
it was all of six. Mrs. Lathrop was so anx- 
ious to hear the latest news from the seat of 
war that she had prepared a company tea by 
the dining-room window and hailed Susan 
directly she was near enough to hail. 

I want you to come to — ” she cried. 

“Well, I believe I will,*' her friend an- 
swered cordially. “ I believe I 'd really enjoy 
to pervided you ain’t got nothin’ with dried 
currants in it. They say the heathen Chinese 
eat flies for currants, but I never was no 
heathen Chinese.” 

“I ain’t got — ” Mrs. Lathrop assured 
her. 

“ Then I ’ll come ’s soon ’s I c’n get my 
bonnet off,” Susan answered, and proceeded 
to unlock her own domain and enter into 
the sacred precincts thereof. 

Ten minutes later the friends sat on op- 
posite sides of Mrs. Lathrop’s hospitality. 

“ I s’pose ’t a good deal — ” began the older 
woman, as she poured out the tea. 

“ More ’n any other day,” said the younger; 


208 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


“ it almost seems ’s T more 's happened than 
I c'n remember to tell over again. I see 
Mrs. Macy, 'n' it was lucky T I went to see 
her, f ’r she was the one 's knowed everythin* 
this day, f’r sure. The first thing she told 
me was *t the minister *s got his ear-muffs 
right along with him. She says the ear- 
muffs is the only thing *t she did n*t find, Pr 
she *s willin’ to swear ’s she opened more ’n 
a hunderd bundles. She said she was clean 
wore out towards the last, ’n’ discouraged 
too, ’n’ she thought she ’d go over to Mrs. 
Duruy’s *n’ ask Felicia Hemans if she 
know’d anythin’; so she did, ’n’ when she 
got there the house was all shut up, ’n’ a 
piece o’ paper stuck in the front door be- 
tween the knob ’n’ the wall, simply statin’ ’t 
Felicia Hemans ’n’ Sam was gone to Mead- 
ville to get married. All it said was ‘ Me 
’n’ Sam were married in Meadville afore you 
can get this. Your everlasting daughter.’ 
She see ’t it was meant for a little surprise 
for Mr. Duruy when he come home ’xpect- 
in’ to get his dinner, ’n’ she thought she ’d 
ought to give it to him right off; so she 
went back ’n’ got her stick ’n’ jus’ went to 
town ’s quick ’s ever she could ’n’ walked 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 209 


straight in on him with it. He took on 
awful ’n' stamped around an’ shook his fist 
right in her face, an’ swore at her till she was 
frightened ’most to death, ’n’ then it turned 
out ’t he’d thought as it was her ’s had mar- 
ried Sam on a’count o’ there bein’ no ‘ Felicia’ 
signed to the letter. The other shock when 
he come to understand brought on a ap- 
plepleckticfitj’n’, seein”s young Dr. Brown ’s 
away, they had to send ’way to Meadville 
f’r old Dr. Carter, ’n’ Mrs. Macy had to stay 
’n’ take care of him, with him light-headed 
half the time ’n’ the other half all out o’ his 
mind ’n’ sure she was married to Sam. 
She said ’t it didn’t take much o’ such doin’s 
to get her so aggravated ’t she jus’ told him 
flat ’n’ plain ’s she was sixty-seven years old 
and that meant ’s she knowed sixty-seven 
years too much to marry his son. She 
said he begin to rave ’n’ choke all fresh ’t 
that, ’ll’ her patience come clean to a end 
right then ’n’ there, ’n’ she picked up the 
water-pitcher ’n’ told him ’f he dared to 
have another fit she ’d half drown him. She 
said he got reasonable pretty quick when 
he see she was in earnest, ’n’ she had him 
sittin’ up by the window afore Dr. Carter 
14 


210 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


got there. Mrs. Duruy *n Sam *n’ Felicia 
Hemans all drove over with the doctor, ’n’ 
Dr. Carter Had telegraphed young Dr. Brown 
to come 'n’ observe Mr. Duruy's fit with 
him, so Dr. Brown ’n’ Amelia 's home too, 
’n' all down around the crick is real gay. 
O' course Mrs. Macy 'd done with the fit 
afore they got there, but young Dr. Brown 
wants Dr. Carter to stay over night 'n' 
observe Henry Ward Beecher, 'n' Dr. Carter 
says 't he thinks he will. He says he ain't 
got no real important case on hand jus' now, 
only he says it 's a ill wind 's blows no man 
good 'n' he's lookin' for this heat to lay 
some one out afore long. 

“ Gran'ma Mullins come up to Mrs. 
Macy's while I was there, 'n' she 's pretty 
mad. Seems she hurried to Mr. Duruy's 
jus' 's soon 's she heard of the doctors there, 
'n' wanted 'em to come over to her house 
'n' observe little Jane’s thumb, 'n' Dr. 
Carter jus' flatly up and said little Jane's 
thumb was beneath the kingdom o' medicine. 
She was awful put out about it, 'n' she vows 
'n' declares 's she 'll die afore she ever asks 
another doctor to do anythin' f'r her. I 
guess that 's true enough too, f'r 'f the 


THE MINISTER'S VACATION 211 


minister really is gone nothin’ ain’t never 
goin’ to cure her o’ little Jane. Mrs. Macy 
give her some tea, but she was too used up 
to drink it. She says little Jane ’s gettin’ 
worse ’n’ worse. She bit a piece out of a 
gold-band cup last night, ’n’ she gnawed all 
the jet cherries oif o’ Gran’ma Mullins’ best 
bonnet while Gran’ma Mullins was to Mrs. 
Duruy’s.” ^ 

Miss Clegg paused to eat and drink 
somewhat. Mrs. Lathrop, who had finished 
her own eating and drinking, sat breathless. 

“ I see Mrs. Fisher on my way home. 
She ’s happy as ever. She says nothin’ 
must do last night but Mr. Fisher must 
build a flyin’-machine with John Bunyan to 
hold the nails when he hammered. Mrs. 
Fisher says she quit holdin’ nails afore she ’d 
been married a year ’n’ Mr. Fisher ’s jus’ 
wild now ’t he ’s got a new hand to hold his 
nails f’r him. She says they were tinkerin’ 
on the thing all last evenin’ ’n’ a good part 
o’ this mornin’ ’n’ two mattresses to beat 
’n’ a chair to mend ’s never counted for 
anythin’. Well — seems ’t towards noon 
Mr. Fisher got to where he could go down 
town to get the top part pumped up, ’n’ 


212 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


while he was down town what did John 
Bunyan do but up 'n’ put wheels on the 
bottom part? My ! but Mrs. Fisher says T 
Mr. Fisher was mad when he got back 'n* 
see them wheels. He tied the pumped up 
part to the hammer T was layin’ on the gar- 
den bench, ’n’ then he shook John Bunyan 
hard 'n* asked him what in thunder he 
meant by puttin’ wheels on a flyin’-machine, 
’n’ John Bunyan jus’ up ’n’ asked him to 
his face how under the sun he was ’xpectin’ 
to make the thing go ’f it did n’t have no 
wheels on it. Mrs. Fisher says she was in 
behind the kitchen blinds ’n’ she was fit to 
kill herself laughin’ to see how mad Mr. 
Fisher got, — he got so mad ’t he backed up 
’n’ fell over the garden bench ’n’ busted the 
pumped up part o’ the flyin’-machine all 
hollow. Mrs. Fisher says it finished her 
to see a flyin’-machine with the top part all 
holes ’n’ the bottom part all wheels. She 
says she ’s give John Bunyan her father’s 
cuff-button ’n’ told him ’f he keeps on ’s 
well ’s he ’s begun ’t she ’ll give him a button 
f r the other cuff the day he ’s twenty-one. 

Mrs. Brown was down town buyin’ 
eggs. She says them Leghorns o’ hers can’t 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 213 


begin to keep up with Henry Ward Beecher. 
She says, besides, T she has n't no scraps to 
feed 'em since he 's come, 'n' so the knife 
cuts two ways. She 's mighty glad that the 
observin' 's goin' to begin to-night, f'r she 
says she 's prayin' Heaven for relief but she 
ain't got much faith left. Mr. Kimball was 
feelin' mighty funny, 'n' he hollered to her 't 
she wa'n't the first to have her faith shook 
by Henry Ward Beecher, but we was all 
too considerate for her feelin's to laugh. I 
would n't laugh at a joke o' Mr. Kimball's 
anyhow." 

I wish — " said Mrs. Lathrop mildly. 

“ It 's a curious thing," continued Susan, 
— ‘‘it's a mighty curious thing how many 
folks is give to likin' to hear themselves talk. 
Mr. Kimball 's a sad example o' that kind o’ 
man. I 'd sometimes enjoy to stop 'n' ex- 
change a few friendly words with him, but, 
lor ' ! I 'd never get a chance. The minister 
is about all I c'n stand in the talkin' line — 
'n' you, o' course, Mrs. Lathrop." 


The evening after, as Susan was snap- 
ping out her dish-towels, she spied her 


214 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


neighbor meandering back and forth among 
the clover blossoms. Later she observed 
her standing — ruminative and ruminating, 
so to speak — at the fence. There was 
always a potent suggestion in Mrs. Lathrop’s 
pose, as she leaned and waited, which vastly- 
accelerated Miss Clegg's after-dinner move- 
ments. In this case less than two minutes 
intervened between the waiting of Mrs. 
Lathrop and the answering of her younger 
friend. 

Was you to — " the older woman asked, 
as her eyes were brightened by the approach 
of her medium of communication with the 
world at large. 

Oh, yes," replied that lady, “ I was to 
town, 'n' the whole town 's light-headed 'n' 
runnin' hither 'n' yon like they was ants 
bein' stepped on. The town 's gone plum 
crazy over the minister bein' gone alto- 
gether. I do believe the only happy woman 
in it last night was Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' 
'f you want to see happiness, Mrs. Lathrop, 
you 'd ought to see Gran'ma Mullins this 
day. Seems 't Mrs. Sperrit was drivin' in 
early last evenin' 'n' she stopped at Gran'ma 
Mullins to get one o’ the crick stones out o' 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 215 


her horse’s shoe, ’n’ Gran’ma Mullins was 
weepin’ on the piazza while little Jane chewed 
up her spectacle-case, ’n’ after she got the 
stone out Mrs. Sperrit jus’ up ’n’ took little 
Jane home with her. She said ’t little Jane 
could chew all she liked out on the farm, ’n’ 
Gran’ma Mullins said ’t she all but fell on 
her knees at her feet. She was down town 
this afternoon buyin’ two dozen o’ cotton 
an’ one dozen o’ glue, ’n’ she says ’t she sh’ll 
spend the rest o’ her allotted time in peace 
’n’ mendin’. 

But Gran’ma Mullins’ joy is more ’n 
balanced by Mrs. Brown, for Mrs. Brown is 
clean discouraged. I see her sittin’ on a 
barrel in the grocery store, ’n’ it was a 
molasses barrel ’n’ some ’d run out, but she 
had n’t no heart to care. She says ’t Henry 
Ward Beecher never budged last night, ’n’ 
so far from that bein’ a relief, it led to worse 
’n ever, for old Dr. Carter ’n’ young Dr. 
Brown got so hungry observin’ ’t they went 
downstairs, ’n’ young Dr. Brown knowed 
where everything was, ’n’ as a result they eat 
up stuff ’t Henry Ward Beecher never ’d 
even dreamed existed. They opened jars o’ 
fancy pickles ’n’ a jug o’ rare old rum ’n’ 


216 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


played Ned in general. ’N’ afterwards they 
went to bed in the guest-room where Mrs. 
Brown never lets any one sleep, 'n' they got 
right in on top o' her Hottentot pillow-shams 
'n' old Dr. Carter tore a sham with his tooth- 
pick. 'N', added to all that, Amelia 's furious 
'cause she read in a book 't teaches how to 
stay married 't a husband’s first night out is 
the first rift in the lute, ’n’ she was down town 
buyin’ a dictionary so ’s to be sure what a 
lute is afore she accuses young Dr. Brown. 
’N’ there’s a man over in Meadville down 
with a sun-stroke, ’n’ they want Dr. Carter 
to hurry, ’n’ they can’t seem to make him 
realize nothin’. He jus’ sits there in Mrs. 
Brown’s parlor ’n’ shakes his head ’n’ smiles 
’n’ says, ‘ Oh, that rum, that rum ! ’ over ’n’ 
over. ’N’ Mrs. Brown says ’t if it was n’t 
plain from the expression of his face as he 
means it as a compliment she certainly would 
be real mad, for he must ’a’ downed two 
quarts. It’s all jus* awful, ’n’ I would ’a’ 
waited ’n’ walked home with her, only Mrs. 
Allen come along ’n’ I wanted to go with her 
instead. Mrs. Allen needs some sympathy 
too, for Polly ’s all broke up over Sam ’n’ 
Felicia Hemans. Mrs. Allen don’t hesitate 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 217 


to say right out ’t to her order o’ thinkin’ Sam 
’d ’a’ showed more sense T he ’d married 
Mrs. Macy ’cause Mrs. Macy has got a little 
property ’n’ it looks doubtful at present if 
Felicia ’s got so much as a father. Mrs. 
Allen says they was all so used up ’t when 
Mrs. Sperrit was in to-day she jus’ traded 
Brunhilde Susan against the makin’ o’ Mr. 
Sperrit’s summer shirts, ’n’ then went right 
’n’ bought the cloth ’n’ took the baby. 
Mrs. Allen says ’s Mrs. Sperrit says ’t 
Brunhilde Susan c’n learn if dogs moo out 
on the farm, ’n’ f’r her part she ’d rather be 
responsible f’r any man’s baby ’n for one 
husband’s collar-bands. So Brunhilde Susan 
’s settled, ’n’ Mrs. Allen ’s awful sorry ’t 
she did n’t send the cow along with her too, 
for she says ’t it ’s harder ’n you ’d think 
to keep a cow content nights in a chicken- 
house. But she did n’t think in time, so 
she lost the chance, ’n’ as a result she was 
down town buyin’ thread with the minister’s 
cow on her shoulders.” 

Miss Clegg paused for breath. Mrs. 
Lathrop chewed passively. 

I must say, though, ’t it ’s generally 
admitted ’t we ’ve seen the last o’ the min- 


218 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


ister. To think how he looked the mornin* 
he left, — in his wilted collar 'n' that coat 
’t Deacon White was married in, — 'n' all 
the time his ear-muffs hid away somewhere 
about him ! I would n’t ’a’ believed it — not 
on your honor, Mrs. Lathrop. Hind-sight 
’s always better ’n fore-sight, ^n’ we c’n all 
see now T we did a mighty foolish thing 
givin’ him such a easy chance to get out of 
it. I can’t see, though, how he ’s ever goin’ 
to get another place without sendin’ to us 
f’r a good character, ’n’ I ’m free to confess 
T I don’t believe ’t the father of Augustus 
’ll ever get any praise from the Craigs, 
nor yet will the father o’ little Jane from 
Gran’ma Mullins. The Craigs is awful 
mournful to think ’t they ain’t got no 
kittens from their cat, but owin’ to the fact 
’t he was n’t no kitten kind o’ cat he nat- 
urally never had none. Mr. Kimball says 
mebbe the hairs from his tail ’ll turn into 
suthin’ in the well like the hairs in horse’s 
tails do in waterin’-troughs. But ’f horse’s 
hairs make snakes, I sh’d naturally suppose 
’t cat’s hairs would make mud-turtles, ’n’ 
it ain’t no mud-turtle ’t Mrs. Craig wants. 
She wants suthin’ to warm her feet on 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 219 


winters, she told me with tears in her 
eyes T he never scratched when he was 
rocked on, 'n’ she used to rock on him so 
often ’t by spring he was all wore off in 
spots ’n’ most wore through in some places. 

Mrs. Jilkins was up from Cherry Pond 
to-day fT the first time since she took Jo- 
sephus home with her las’ Saturday mornin’. 
She was awful surprised to hear all the 
bother ’t all the rest have been havin’. 
She says ’t she ain’t had no bother a tall. 
She says ’t she whipped Josephus nine times 
the day ’t she took him home with her, ’n’ 
since then she’s taught him to read ’n’ write 
’n’ sew patchwork ’n’ beat up batter. She 
says ’f she’d ’a’ had Henry Ward Beecher he 
would n’t ’a’ roamed but once, nor would 
little Jane ’a’ give but one suck, nor Fox 
but one yell, nor would Augustus ’a’ throwed 
but one cat down her well. Mrs. Craig was 
standin’ right there, ’n’ she spoke up pretty 
sharp at that ’n’ said ’t he had n’t throwed 
but one cat in her well ’n’ she wanted that 
distinctly understood. Mrs. Jilkins jus’ 
laughed, but then some one up ’n’ told her 
about the minister bein’ gone f’r good, ’n’ 
she very quickly changed her tune. 


220 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


“ That blow ’s goin' to fall heaviest on 
Mrs. Sperrit, though, for she 's got the five 
littlest ones ’s well ^s Bobby, ^n’ I miss my 
guess T she don’t have another to-morrow, 
for Mrs. Brown says ’t she 's goin’ to send 
Henry Ward Beecher out there of an errand 
jus’ so ’s to see if he ’ll sleep after a ten-mile 
walk, ’n’ every one knows ’t she ’s jus’ doin’ 
it in the hope ’t Mrs. Sperrit ’ll keep him.” 

“Let’s go out — ” Mrs. Lathrop sug- 
gested. 

“ It ’ll be cooler outside,” Susan acqui- 
esced; so they quitted the table and went 
out on the porch. 

“ Mrs. Brown ain’t a bit reconciled about 
her rare old rum,” she went on when they 
were seated ; “ she ’s bad enough used up 
over the preserves, but the rum she can’t 
seem to get reconciled to. She says ’t a 
saltspoonful was a sure cure f’r anythin’, 
’n’ Dr. Carter was perfectly sound in mind 
’n’ body ’n’ got away with two quarts.” 

There was a silence broken only by a 
frog’s far croak. 

“ I ain’t a doubt but this is the worst 
hot spell the c’mmunity ’s ever had to deal 
with,” the younger woman remarked after a 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 221 


while, “ ’n’ the result is T I never recom- 
mend no other town to choose such a time 
to give their minister a fair field ’n’ no favor. 
I c’n only say one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, ’n’ 
that is T I Ve begun to feel ’t I Ve mis- 
judged the minister. I never would ’a' give 
him credit for anythin’ like this. ’N’ while 
I think he ’d ought not to ’a’ done it, still I 
must say ’t I can’t but admire — if he had it 
in him to try — how well he’s carried it off. 

“’N’ to think ’t, after all, it was our idea 
’s give him the chance ! ” 


That Friday afternoon — just one week 
from the forever to be remembered meeting 
of the Sewing Society — Mrs. Lathrop, sleep- 
ing the sleep of the stout and elderly in her 
kitchen rocker, was suddenly aroused to a 
swaying sense of the world about her by 
the sound of her name, the same being 
pronounced in her neighbor’s voice, the key 
of that voice being pitched uncommonly 
high. 

Mrs. Lathrop ! — Mrs. Lathrop ! — 
oh-h-h, Mrs. Lathrop! 

Mrs. Lathrop got to the window as fast 


222 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


as her somewhat benumbed members would 
allow. 

Susan was standing on her own side of the 
fence, her eyes glowing with excitement. 

The minister ’s come back ! ” 

Mrs. Lathrop simply fell out of the door 
and down the back steps. As she hastened 
towards the fence, her usual custom led her 
to hastily snatch a handful of her favorite 
blend, and then — 

“ When — ” she gasped. 

‘‘This afternoon, right after lunch. You 
never hear the like in all your life ! Where 
do you suppose he was all this week ? Just 
nowhere at all ! Out on the farm ! Yes, 
Mrs. Lathrop,” as that worthy clung to the 
fence for support in her overwhelming as- 
tonishment, — “ yes, Mrs. Lathrop, he 'n' his 
wife were out there on the farm all the time. 
Seems T that night when Mrs. Allen come 
in 'n* told ’em ’t they ’d got to go on a va- 
cation so early the nex’ mornin’, they was 
all upset. They did n’t have no money 
nor no clothes nor no place to go to, ’n’ 
the minister’s wife begun to cry jus’ ’s soon 
’s Mrs. Allen was gone. Seems she was 
settin’ there cryin’ when Mrs. Sperrit drove 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 223 


in, in the cool o’ the evenin’, to pay her pew- 
, rent in pigs-feet, ’n’ what did Mrs. Sperrit 
do but jus’ up ’n’ ask ’em both to come out 
to the farm. Told ’em they wouldn’t have 
no board to pay out on the farm ’n’ ’t they 
could stay ’s long ’s they liked. It seemed 
like it was all they could do, so they ar- 
ranged it ’n’ it all worked fine. Seems they 
took the train to the junction, ’n’ Mr. Sperrit 
met ’em. there ’n’ drove ’em straight across 
country home, ’n’ they ’ve been there ever 
since, ’n’ maybe they ’d been there yet, only 
Mrs. Sperrit is like a lot o’ other people in 
this world, — she ’s forever goin’ to extremes, 
’n’ she could n’t be content with jus’ the 
minister ’n’ his wife ’n’ Bobby, so she had 
to keep bringin’ home more ’n’ more o’ the 
childern, until they was so thick out there ’t 
to-day, when Henry Ward Beecher arrived, 
the minister went to Mr. Sperrit ’n’ asked 
him if he thought anybody ’d mind ’f he ’n’ 
his wife come in town ’n’ finished their va- 
cation in their own house. I guess mebbe 
the Sperrits was some wore out themselves, 
f’r they jus’ told him ’t no one could possibly 
object, ’n’ then they had the carryall ’n’ 
drove ’em both in town right after dinner. 


224 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


‘‘ I was down in the square buyin’ fly- 
paper, ’n’ I heard the commotion 'n’ run 
out, 'n’ — well, Mrs. Lathrop, you c'n believe 
me or not jus* *s you please — but it was a 
sight to draw tears to any one*s eyes. Folks 
waved anythin* *t they could grab, *n* all the 
boys yelled *n* cheered. The minister was 
real touched — he quoted, ‘ *N* there went up 
a great multitude * — but he never got no 
further, f*r Deacon White jumped up in the 
band-stand *n* proposed ‘No church Sun- 
day, but a donation party Saturday night. 
Who bids? * *n* every one shrieked, ‘Aye — 
Aye.*** 

Mrs. Lathrop*s eyes kindled slowly but 
surely. 

“ I wish — ** she said, biting firmly into a 
large red one. 

“ It *s too late now,** said Susan, not un- 
kindly, “it*s all over now — all *xcept the 
donation party, *n* I don*t see how you c*n 
do much there *nless I bring over the butter 
*n* mix it for you. But you must n*t inter- 
rupt me, Mrs. Lathrop, f*r if you do I never 
shall get through. 

“ So the donation party was decided, *n* 
Mrs. Brown*s good cookin* heart come out 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION 225 


strong ’n’ she pledged three pies right then 
n’ there. I put myself down fr a pan o’ 
biscuit, ’n’ Mr. Kimball said he believed ’s 
the Allens would outdo every one ’n’ give 
a whole cow, without no urgin’ neither. 
Mrs. Allen laughed a little, ’n’ then Mrs. 
Macy come up so out o’ breath ’t it was all 
o’ five minutes afore she could get out a 
word. Seemed when she did speak, ’t she 
wasn’t tryin’ to give nothin’ — she only 
wanted to know about the minister’s ear- 
muffs, ’n’ it appears ’t he never took ’em 
a tall. Seems ’t Brunhilde Susan cut teeth 
on ’em till they was only fit to be used f’r 
kettle-holders.” 

Susan paused for a second. Mrs. Lathrop 
chewed and waited. In a minute the narra- 
tive flowed on. 

“ When everyone else was through, Mrs. 
Sperrit said ’t if she could take ’Liza Em’ly 
home with her to help look after the little 
ones she ’d be willin’ to keep ’em a fortnight 
more ’n’ let the minister — ’n’ his wife — have 
a real good rest in their own house. Mrs. 
Maxwell spoke right up ’n’ said shec’d have 
’Liza Em’ly ’n’ welcome, ’n’ Mrs. Sweet 
said she c’d have Rachel Rebecca too. But 


226 THE MINISTER’S VACATION 


Mrs. Fisher crowded round in front 'n* said 
she nor no one couldn’t have John Bunyan 
not now ’n’ not never, f’r he ’d weeded ’n’ 
mowed ’n’ grafted ’n’ busted his way right 
into her heart ’n’ she was intendin’ to keep 
him right along ’f the minister ’d give his 
consent. 

‘‘ She said ’t Mr. Fisher felt jus’ ’s she 
did too, ’cause he ’d never been so happy ’s 
he’s been since he’s had John Bunyan to 
teach the fancy principles o’ plain things to. 
Mr. Fisher come up jus’ ’s she got through, 
’n’ he said whatever she ’d said he ’d stand to, 
for although John Bunyan was nothin’ but a 
darn fool now, he had the makin’ of a man in 
him, ’n’ he — Mr. Fisher — was jus’ the one 
to bring him out. 

“The crowd was gettin’ so big ’t folks 
began to climb up on things to see over, ’n’ 
the horse was some restless, so Mr. Kimball 
got up on the edge o’ the waterin’-trough an’ 
said, ‘Three cheers for the minister, ’n’ may 
he never know how glad the town is to see 
him back,’ ’n* then every one cheered, ’n’ Mr. 
Kimball begin to shake, ’n’ jus’ ’s the min- 
ister drove off he missed his hold ’n’ fell 
into the waterin’-trough, ’n’ I did n’t feel no 


THE MINISTER’S VACATION m 


kind o* interest in lookin’ on at his fishin’ 
out, so I come away.” 

‘‘I hope — ” began Mrs. Lathrop. 

‘‘ I do too,” rejoined her friend, but 
there ain’t no danger. It was the edge bein’ 
so slippery ’t let him fall in, ’n’ I don’t wish 
to seem revengeful, but I mus’ say, Mrs. 
Lathrop, that if anythin’ could ’a’ made a 
nice end to the minister’s vacation, it was the 
seein’ Mr. Kimball get soaked, f’r he ain’t 
had no kind o’ sufferin’ with it all ’n’ has 
just everlastingly enjoyed kitin’ around the 
outside ’n’ seein’ other folks in trouble. ’N’ 
I ’ve no sympathy with such a nature when 
it does fall into a waterin’-trough, ’n’ so I 
come home.” 

Miss Clegg ceased speaking. 

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. 


An International Love Comedy 


A WOMAN’S WILL 


By ANNE WARNER 

Author of “ Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop.” 

I T is a relief to take up a volume so absolutely free from 
stressfulness. The love-making is passionate, the 
humor of much of the conversation is thoroughly delightful. 
The book is as refreshing a bit of fiction as one often finds ; 
there is not a dull page in it. — Providence Journal. 

It is bright, charming, and intense as it describes the 
wooing of a young American widow on the European 
Continent by a German musical genius. — San Francisco 
Chronicle. 

A deliciously funny book. — Chicago Tribune. 

There is a laugh on nearly every page. — New York Times. 

Most decidedly an unusual story. The dialogue is nothing 
if not original, and the characters are very unique. There 
is something striking on every page of the book. — Newark 
Advertiser. 

A more vivacious light novel could not be found. — Chicago 
Record-Herald. 

Illustrated by I. H. Caliga. 360 pages. 12mo. 
Decorated cloth, $1.50. 


LITTLE, BROWN, ^ CO., Publishers, BOSTON 
At all Booksellers 


An Ingenious and E?igrossing Romance 


THE 

PEINCESS THOEA 


By HARRIS BURLAND 

Author of Dacouvra.^^ Illustrated. 12mo. $1.50 

A REMARKABLY absorbing romance, conceived and plan- 
ned with fine imagination, yet carried out with all the 
vivid actuality and plausibility of the most prosaic “ detective ” 
story. The nearest counterpart of this engrossing and very 
unusual narrative is perhaps to be found in the work that first 
made Rider Haggard famous, though the story owes literally 
nothing to anything that has gone before, so startlingly novel is 
its theme and so boldly convincing is its execution. 

A Romance of Early Michigan 


THE WOLVERINE 


By ALBERT L. LAWRENCE 

Illustrated. 12mo. $1.60 

A SPIRITED story of love and politics, with its scenes laid 
in Detroit just before Michigan became a state, and when 
disputes over the Ohio boundary line nearly led to open warfare. 
Perry North, a young surveyor of Puritan ideas, is sent to 
Detroit when he falls in love with Marie Beaucoeur, a charming 
French girl, of the Catholic faith. The English and French 
characters are strongly contrasted, the incidents are novel, and 
the story makes a continuous impression of actuality. 


LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON 
At all Booksellers' 


Richard Le Galliennes New Book 


PAINTED SHADOWS 


By the Author of “The Love-Letters of the King,” etc. 
12mo. $1.50 


M r. le GALLIENNE’S new book displays in a remarkable 
degree his fine imagination, charming style, and the high 
quality of his verse. “ The Youth of Lady Constantia,” “ The 
Wandering Home,” “The Shadow of the Rose,” “Beauty’s 
Portmanteau,” and “ Old Silver ” are equal to his best work, 
and the story which bears the title “ Poet take Thy Lute ” will 
appeal especially to those who love what is best and most beau- 
tiful in literature. 


The Heroine with the Marvellous Voice 


SWEET PEGGY 


By LINNIE SARAH HARRIS 

With frontispiece. 12 mo. $1.50 

A SUMMER idyll, with love, music, and nature for its themes, 
and the mountains and lakes for its scenes. The heroine, 
Peggy, is charming, fresh, and unconventional, with a genuine 
love for song. The country neighbors with their peculiarities 
give touches of both humor and pathos to this appealing story. 


LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON 
At all Booksellers 


Far outside the common run of fiction. — Dm/, Chicago 


THE WOOD-CARVER 
OF ’LYMPHS 


By M. E. WALLER 

Author of “ A Daughter of the Rich,” etc. 

With frontispiece by Chase Emerson. 12mo. 311 pages. $1.50 

A strong tale of human loves and hopes set in a back- 
ground of the granite mountain-tops of remote New Eng- 
land. — Brooklyn Eagle. 

Hugh Armstrong, the hero, is one of the pronouncedly high 
class character delineations of a quarter century. — Boston 
Courier. 

It is a book which does one good to read and which is not 
readily forgotten ; for in it are mingled inextricably the ele- 
ments of humor and pathos and also a strain of generous 
feeling which uplifts and humanizes. — Harry Thruston Peck, 
Editor of The Bookman. 

A few books are published every year that really minister 
to the tired hearts of this hurried age. They are like little 
pilgrimages away from the world across the Delectable Moun- 
tains of Good. . . This year it is “The Wood-Carver of 
’Lympus.” ... It is all told with a primitive sweetness that 
is refreshing in these days when every writer cultivates the 
clever style. — Independent, New York. 

The book is as manly as “ Ralph Connors,” and written with 
a more satisfying art. — Amos R. Wells, in Ch'istian Endeavor 
World. 

LITTLE, BROWN, & CO., Publishers, BOSTON 
At all Booksellers* 


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